From the moment the tractor arrived at our building, it was no longer completely our building. I felt that the tractor, which had come to dig out foundations in order to expand the neighbor’s apartment, came to dig into my brain, to make noise like the fly that attacked Titus, and to take away both our menuchas haguf and our menuchas hanefesh.
While at the time I gave my agreement to his expansion, I gave it on condition that the building be done in the most solid way possible, with consideration for our rest hours, with cleaning up after each day’s work, and with taking responsibility to ensure that no harm would be caused. None of these conditions were met in the difficult months that followed, during which we endured our neighbor’s efforts to expand his apartment.
This is an older neighbor, and I am obligated to respect him. I tried to be nice, and I even wished him all the best. I imagined that he wanted to host his sons and his grandchildren expansively and that this would probably bring additional noise to the building, but I kept quiet. I had no reason to hold back his expansion, I just wanted to hold on to my part, meaning my own apartment and the way up the stairs to reach it — which goes through our building’s hallway and stairwell.
During those difficult weeks, a good cloud of dust would meet me even before I’d enter the building. My daughter, who has sensitive airways, coughed excessively. Tiles that were precariously placed would suddenly slip, and we were saved by miracles. The elevator worked for additional hours and as a result would be closed off to our use for full days at a time. More than any of the other neighbors, my apartment got a full blast because of the angle at which it was in relation to the neighbor’s apartment.
There were additional damages – better not to speak of them. I only mentioned a bit of it here, so that those of your readers who are building or expanding would pay attention and see that even after the neighbors have signed their consent, one should be considerate of them and see how one can avoid causing them any ogmas nefesh or damages.
I did not hide within the four walls of my home until the difficulties passed. I tried to speak up and to do something. Several times, I initiated conversations with my neighbor, and several times when I chanced to meet him I brought up my complaints as well. He heard, but it seemed the dust was clouding his vision, and he could not see beyond his own concerns and pressures regarding the building and expansion.
Ultimately, his expansion caused an explosion, and the relationship between us was ruined completely. While we used to have a pleasant, caring relationship, it became a difficult one. We refrained from even meeting each other by chance, and when we did cross paths, each of us would avert his eyes and hurry to pass by and end the meeting.
That’s how the time passed. Long after the workers had left, the excited cries of grandchildren filled the expanded apartment. In our home as well, the family grew and it seemed we could have forgotten that difficult time. But I could not forget. The enlarged apartment itself did not bother me, but the severed relationship remained.
One day I made a cheshbon hanefesh, and I came to the conclusion that we had to put an end to this story. We would continue to be neighbors for many more years, and we could not leave the relationship as it was. I began to say hello to the neighbor whenever I met him. At first he would look at me in wonder and answer quickly, but after it happened several times, he understood my intention. One day I caught him in conversation and explained that he was my neighbor, I respected him greatly, and it was a pity about what happened — but what would be was still ahead of us, and it was worthwhile for us to live in peace.
Several years passed. B’shaah tovah I was zocheh, and my daughter became engaged to an excellent chassan after several years of searching for her zivug. When we closed on the vort, the news spread throughout the neighborhood and the joy reached the heavens. Our dear neighbor, too, entered our home to wish us mazal tov. As soon as he arrived, the mechutan walked over to him and said, “You have a big part in this simchah. Yasher koach!” And to me he explained, “When they suggested the shidduch to us, we did not succeed in getting enough information, and we were in doubt as to whether to get involved in the shidduch. But then I asked him for information, and he told me that it was rare to find people with good middos such as yours. He literally said the whole hallel about you. This shidduch — is in his zechus!!”
We saw with heavenly mercies how bringing shalom to our building caused the building of a home in Am Yisrael.
