Because they can’t give in! If someone is going to dare say what they don’t like, BOOM! An understanding Rov, who understands about the prevalent styles, and how bad it is... a lot of people don’t see straight. They think “prevalent styles”. It’s not so Pashut. You need a Rov. I can’t get involved in that. You need a Rov. When you follow him, and give in to him, Hashem will help you.
It’s not worth all that pain and effort. Usually, there's a lot of wasted energy in these types of things. I know Yungerleit whose house is very different in many ways, because they gave in to their wives. And by the way, sometimes it’s an even bigger Inyan for a wife to give in to her husband. She doesn’t come out such a Tzadekes, if she was the strong lady that had to have her way. They're not going to “write home” about her. She was nice, they liked her, yes. But the real Tzadekes is the lady: א ֵיזוֹהִֵיֵֵאִֵיש ֵהֵכְֵש ֵר ֵה,ֵֵשֵֶׁעוֹש ֵהֵרְֵצוֹןֵבֵַעֲֵל ֵהּ who fills her husband’s wishes. You may give lectures, you're a strong lady, you're a fancy lady, you're a popular lady... do you do what your husband wants? THAT’S called an Isha K’sheira. That’s the normal way of doing things. An Isha K'sheira does what her husband wants. And she knows how to give in. She’s soft, she’s feminine, she has Middos, she’s sweet, she has humility. Everyone likes a humble person, an Anav. Everybody wants to get along with them. They're a different world. They're so lovely. And people who are strong, and they know! I get my way! No one pushes ME around! Watch out. You're bordering on some bad Middos. Gehinom, says the Gemara
, is for people who have Ga'ava. And when you have Ga'ava, you're playing with fire.
Now, if you don’t have a Chinuch that teaches you the importance of humility, that itself is a big problem, because how are you going to get it? You don’t even VALUE humility! It means nothing to you. You know, Nasser, Y'mach Sh’mo, he was the president of Egypt when I was a kid. And they wondered why he was always so tough, and always speaking like he owns the world. He explained: “I'm out of business if I'm not Mr. Tough Guy”. They only respect a tough guy. You got to be tough! By the Arabs, if you're not a tough guy, you're out of business. So everybody has to be tough. So there are people among us, some ladies, or men: “Put them in their place!” Malchus Bais Dovid lost ten Shevotim because Rechavam put Y'ravam ben Nevat and his friends in their place. He spoke with a firmness, “No! You don’t tell me what to do. I'm king!” He lost ten Shevotim. Take a look at the Rambam Hilchos Melochim
who says that a Melech has to be an Anav. He has to look up to the lowest, and respect him! Learn Anava! Respect people! It’s a lot of work, Anava. Without Anava, all the wars, all the Tzaros, all the divorces. Anava means to give in, you're right, I'm probably not so perfect, I have to improve myself, Ahhh, such a person has Chein!
ב"ב י ב, וכל המתיהר נופל בגיהנם, שנאמר (משלי כא כד) זֵד יָהִיר לֵץ שְׁ מוֹ עוֹשֶה בְעֶבְרַת זָדוֹן, ואין עברה אלא גיהנם , שנאמר (צפניה א טו) יוֹם עֶבְרָה הַיּוֹם הַהוּא . (בע"ז יח ב הובא מימרא זו בשם רבי אושעיא .) ובב"ב עח ב, דאמר מר , כל אדם שיש בו גסות הרוח נופל בגיהנם .
רמב"םֵהלכותֵמלכיםֵֵ(בֵוֵ)ֵֵֵכדרךֵשחלקֵלוֵהכתובֵהכבודֵהגדול,ֵוחייבֵהכלֵבכבודו,ֵכךֵצוהוֵלהיותֵלבוֵבקרבוֵשפלֵוחללֵשנאמרֵֵ(תהליםֵקטֵכב)ֵֵֵוְלִבִיֵח לַלֵבְקִרְ בִי,ֵולאֵינהגֵגסותֵלבֵבישראלֵיתרֵמדאי,ֵשנאמרֵֵ(ֵשופטיםֵיזֵכ)ֵֵלְבִלְתִיֵרוּםֵלְב בוֵֹמ אֶׁח יו,ֵויהיהֵחונןֵֵומרחםֵלקטניםֵוגדולים,ֵויצאֵויבאֵבחפציהםֵובטובתם,ֵויחוסֵעלֵכבודֵקטןֵשבקטנים,ֵוכשמדברֵאלֵכלֵהקהלֵבלשוןֵרביםֵֵידבר רכות,ֵֵשנאמרֵ(ֵדהי"אֵכחֵב)ֵֵשְמ עוּנִיֵאַחַיֵוְעַמִי,ֵואומרֵ(ֵמלכיםֵא,ֵיבֵז)ֵאִםֵהַיּוֹםֵתִהְיֶׁהֵעֶׁבֶׁדֵל ע םֵהַזֶׁהֵוגו',ֵלעולם יתנהג בענוה יתירה,ֵאיןֵֵלנוֵגדולֵממשהֵרבינו,ֵוהואֵאומרֵֵ(בשלחֵטזֵח)ֵֵוְנַחְנוֵּמ הֵלֹאֵע ל ינוֵּתְלֻׁנֹת יכֶׁם,ֵויסבולֵטרחםֵומשאםֵותלונותםֵוקצפםֵכאשרֵישאֵֵהאומןֵאתֵהיונק,ֵרועהֵקראוֵהכתובֵֵ(תהליםֵעחֵעא)ֵֵלִרְ עוֹתֵבְיַעֲקֹבֵעַמוֹ,ֵודרכוֵשלֵרועהֵמפורשֵבקבלהֵֵ(ֵישעיהֵמֵיא)ֵֵכְרֹעֶׁהֵעֶׁדְרוֵֵֹיִרְ עֶׁהֵבִזְרֹעוֵֹיְקַב ץֵטְל אִיםֵוּבְח יקוֵֹיִש אֵע לוֹתֵיְנַה ל.ֵֵ
You can submit your questions to Rabbi Mandel by emailing them to [email protected]
