The Importance of Honoring One’s Parents
כַּבֵּד אֶת אָבִיךָ וְאֶת אִמֶּךָ לְמַעַן יַאֲרִכוּן יָמֶיךָ עַל : (כ:יב(ֶיךָ נֹתֵן לָךְק אֱלֹהָאֲדָמָה אֲשֶׁר ה’
Honor your father and your mother, so that your days may be lengthened upon the land Hashem your God gives you. (20:12)
Rashi explains: “That your days may be lengthened — if you honor, your days will be prolonged; if not, they will be shortened. The words of the Torah are written briefly; from an affirmative statement, one can infer the negative, and from the negative, one can infer the affirmative.”
Thus, the Torah teaches us that the quality and duration of life hinge on the great mitzvah of honoring one’s father and mother. Long days are understood as days that pass in goodness and pleasantness, whereas shortened days are filled with hardships, suffering, and distress, chas veshalom.
This is evident from Rashi’s explanation (Shabbos 105b( regarding the Babylonians, of whom it was said: Their days were lengthened, but their years were not. Rashi explains: “Their days were lengthened—their days were filled with goodness, which is considered length of days, as the Gemara (Yoma 71a( says on the pasuk, For length of days and years of life they will add to you (Mishlei 3:2(: ’Are there years of life and years that are not of life? Rav Elazar said, These are the years of a person that are transformed from suffering to goodness.’ ”
Thus, length of days refers to one whose days are filled with goodness and pleasantness and one’s years with blessing, peace, and joy.
Therefore, if a person experiences suffering, distress, or harsh judgments, he should reflect on his deeds and consider whether these challenges stem from failing to honor his father or mother. If he discovers he has been negligent in this mitzvah, he should hasten to seek their forgiveness. By correcting his ways, the Creator will help him attain good and pleasant days in quality and quantity.
The immense value of this mitzvah is beyond measure, as elaborated by Chazal and the Midrashim. The Tanna D’vei Eliyahu (Rabbah, Chapter 26( states, “As long as a person honors his father and mother, no sin—neither desecration of Shabbos nor any other sin—will come upon him, and if he has sinned, he will be forgiven, etc.” This mitzvah is considered equal to all the Ten Commandments and is among the few the Torah explicitly also ties to blessings in this world.
The Torah’s Promise Fulfilled
In Yerushalayim, the holy city, there lived a very elderly man, Rav Blatt, zt”l. He passed away at a very advanced age, over 110 years old, and in good health. When I visited the family for the mitzvah of nichum aveilim, the conversation turned to the extraordinary length of his days and years. His son remarked that after hearing many discussions about what zechus his father might have had to achieve such an exceptionally long life, he considered that it may have been due to the mitzvah of honoring his father and mother, which he fulfilled with exceptional dedication and meticulous care!
He recounted that his father owned a large business enterprise, employing dozens of workers who labored diligently to produce the required monthly output to fill the factory’s wholesale orders.
Rav Blatt had elderly parents whom he deeply respected and loved, and he sought to bring joy to their old age and add meaning to their lives. After much thought, he devised a highly original idea: he set up a beautifully designed and well-equipped office on the administrative floor of the large factory, specifically for managing checks.
As was common in those times, most financial transactions from wholesale clients and storeowners were conducted via checks. The office was elegant, comfortable, and fully equipped. Rav Blatt asked his venerable parents to “accept” this important position, upon which the factory’s financial cycle hinged.
They happily agreed and took up their responsibilities in the pleasant office,
