Anava. If you don’t have humility, it’s not healthy. All the Tzaros in the world, all the wars, come from no humility. The pain that people cause each other, no humility. All the divorces, all the pain. “You take that from him!” That’s what they say in the streets. YES! I WANT DAVKA TO TAKE SOMETHING THAT I DISLIKE. THAT’S WHAT I WANT!
Rabbi Forcheimer Shlita, a Rov in Lakewood, told me, he has witnessed time and again the way Bnei Torah get together, when they have a fight in a monetary issue. Each party is saying: “Maybe I'm wrong, maybe you're right?” THAT’S a Ben Torah. THAT’S a Geshmaka person. THAT’S a human being with a: ל ֵבֵב ֵש ֵר feeling heart. Not a heart of stone; an adamant, immature, German! You know why I say German? Because in Leiftzig, R' Kanarek Zatzal told me, he used to see two Germans stand on a narrow sidewalk for a half-an-hour, each guy wants the other guy: “You move, I vas here first!” Give in, what do you care??!
And what is so important the way your kids look? You're so worried what people are going to say... By us in Novardok, they LIKED Bizyonos! They weren’t so petty, they weren’t so baby-stuff, so immature. No, it’s not fair, and he always gets his way, and she always gets her way... I had Rabbeim who LOVED not getting their way (except when it involved very serious things; which you have to know what’s serious and what’s not). But I know a lot of Yungerleit who gave into their wives, in things that were not so simple (of course, women have to do the same). I don’t respect the person who can’t give in. That person, in my books, needs work. Maybe they can’t help it; I have to be Dan L'kaf Zechus. But that’s for sure, that giving in is a greater person. That person deserves respect. I gave in! And that person will raise a beautiful, holy family, because he has good Middos. You want your kids to have a nice head of hair, or do you want a family who everyone is running after? And everyone wants to marry them. Why do they want to marry them? Because they know how to give in! They have Middos! They're not adamant, little babies. “I'm right!” “I was here first!” “You have to step aside!”, like the two Germans, L'havdil. If you don’t work on Middos, that’s exactly what it is., Hamas, all the Tzaros of the world, are because people can’t work on Middos. Give in! Be nice! It’s going to kill you?? So the Jews have something you don’t have. So?? Mind your own business, and enjoy life. Instead of: “I'm bigger, you're better, you have to give in to me, I don’t have to give in to you... here we go again, like little babies.
Now, of course, sometimes, there is a time and place to be a little bit firm, especially in religious areas. Then, there’s a time and place to be adamant! There’s a Mitzva to be adamant! But make sure it’s a religious issue, not your silliness. Then, it’s a different story, and you have to ask the Rov, and he has to decide. And if you can’t go to a Rov, that’s another problem. Why don’t people go to Rabbonim....
ֵחובותֵהלבבותֵשערֵהכניעהֵ(ֵפרקֵח)ֵֵאבלֵאםֵהכניעהֵסמוכהֵלמידותֵהטובותֵאוֵהמידותֵהטובותֵסמוכותֵלה,ֵאומרֵבתשובהֵזהֵֵוכו'ֵוזהֵמחייבֵשתהיינהֵכלֵהמידותֵהטובותֵוהחובותֵסמוכותֵלכניעתו,ֵֵוהיא ראש ותחילה להן.ֵוהדיןֵנותןֵבעבורֵזה,ֵשלא תיתכן מידה טובה למי שלבו ריק מהכניעה לאלקים ,ֵוישֵבלבבוֵמאומהֵמןֵהגאוהֵוהגדולה.ֵוכןֵראשֵהתשובהֵֵ-ֵֵֵהשפלותֵוהשחותֵוהכניעה,ֵֵכמוֵשאמרֵהכתובֵֵ(דבריֵהימיםֵב,ֵזֵיד)ֵוְיִכ נְעוֵּעַמִיֵאֲשֶׁרֵנִקְר אֵשְ מִיֵעֲל יהֶׁםֵוְיִתְפַלְלוֵּוִיבַקְשוֵּפ נַיֵוְי שֻׁבוֵּמִדַרְ כ יהֶׁםֵה ר עִיםֵוַאֲנִיֵֵאֶׁשְמַעֵֵמִןֵהַש מַיִםֵוְאֶׁסְלַחֵלְחַט את םֵוְאֶׁרְ פ אֵאֶׁתֵאַרְצ ם,ֵואמרֵ(ֵדבריֵהימיםֵב,ֵיבֵז)ֵֵנִכְנְעוֵּלֹאֵאַשְחִית ם.ֵֵואגבֵישֵלצייןֵגםֵמהֵשכתבֵבאגרתֵהרמב"ןֵ(הנדפסֵבסידורים)ֵֵוְכַאֲשֶׁרֵתִנ צ לֵמִןֵהַכַעַסֵתַעֲלֶׁהֵעַלֵלִבְךֵֵָמִדַּת הָעֲנָוָה שֶׁהִיא מִדָה טוֹבָה מִכָל הַּמִדוֹת טוֹבוֹת,ֵשֶׁנֶׁאֱמַרֵ(ֵמשליֵכבֵד)ֵֵע קֶׁבֵעֲנ ו הֵיִרְ אַתֵה'.ֵֵֵ
