If this is the nature of things, we can understand something wonderful that the commentators say about Parshat Beshalach. Bnei Yisrael leave Egypt, they cross Yam Suf, they sing their song, and then suddenly Miriam comes forth with another song:
ַח מִרְ יָם הַנְּבִיאָה אֲחוֹת אַהֲרֹן אֶת הַתֹּף בְּיָדָהּ וַתֵּצאנָ כָּל הַנָּשִׁים וַתִּק אַ חֲ רֶ יהָ בְּ תֻ פִּ ים וּבִ מְ חֹלוֹת: ָאָה וַתַּעַן לָהֶם מִרְ יָם שִׁירוּ לַה' כִּי גָאֹה ג ָם סוּס וְרֹכְבוֹ רָמָה בַי:
And Miriam the prophetess, sister of Aharon, took the tambourine in her hand, and all the women went out after her with tambourines and dances. And Miriam answered them: Sing to Hashem, for He has triumphed gloriously; the horse and its rider He has thrown into the sea.
The question arises – why did she choose to say specifically this pasuk? It is brought in the journal Ohr Torah (Kislev 5753) that Rabbi Yitzchak explained this pasuk and also addressed why the language of וַ תּ ַ עַ ן לָ הֶ ם מִ רְ י ָ ם – and she answered them, in masculine form, when it should have said וַ תּ ַ עַ ן לָ הֶ ן, in feminine form. He answered: It is the merit of women that they cause and bring about that men engage in Torah study, therefore it is considered for them as if they were learning themselves. But how do we know that one who causes others to fulfill a Mitzvah is considered as if he fulfilled it himself? This we learn from the splitting of Yam Suf, for there both the horse and rider fell into the sea. Why did the horse fall? Only the rider sinned – what sin did the animal commit? Rather, the horse was the cause of the rider's sin, for he rode upon it and hastened his pursuit after Bnei Yisrael. We see from this that the one who causes is considered as if he did it himself. Since it is known that the measure of good is greater than the measure of punishment; therefore, if the one who causes deserves punishment, how much more so will the one who causes good receive reward like the doer!
This is why Miriam said to the women to sing this song. They should sing specifically about the horse and its rider that Hakadosh Baruch Hu threw into the sea. From this it is proven that the one who causes deserves punishment, and if so, how much more so will the women receive reward for what they cause and assist their children to learn Torah and fulfill its Mitzvot. And therefore, it properly says לָהֶ ם in the language.
With regards to why the women precede the men at Ma’amad Har Sinai, the Midrash brings three answers. The first answer is found in Shemot Rabbah (28:2): לָמָּה לַנָּשִׁים תְּחִלָה, שׁ ֶהֵן מִזְדָּרְ זוֹת בְּמִצְווֹת. דָּבָר אַחֵר, כְּדֵי שׁ ֶיְהוּ מַנְהִיגוֹת אֶת בְּנֵיהֶן לַתּוֹרָ ה.
Why to the women first? Because they are zealous in Mitzvot. Another explanation: so that they will guide their children to Torah.
The Rada"l explains the guidance of children to educate them in Torah from their youth depends on women, as it is written וְ אַ ל תִּ טּ ֹשׁ תּ וֹ רַ ת אִ מּ ֶ ך – And do not forsake your mother's Torah. Perhaps the meaning of 'guide' is literal – that they lead their children to school: נשי במאי זכיין? באקרוי בנייהו לבי כנישתא – In what merit do women have? In bringing their children to the synagogue.
It is brought in the sefer Likutei HaGra: The father will command his son the good path in general, while the mother will turn her eyes and heart upon him to guide him in the paths of good and in all proper ways, to warn him from all specific transgressions, and to lead him in all aspects of Mitzvot and good character traits, and to direct him on the ways of Hakadosh Baruch Hu.
Rabbeinu Bachya comes and says that the reason good children emerge is because the woman in the home is good. He writes: כֹּה תֹאמַר לְבֵית יַעֲקֹב refers to the women, who should be spoken to gently. Hakadosh Baruch Hu commanded to speak to the women first to teach them ethics and proper conduct, and also to draw their hearts to Torah and Mitzvot and to tell them the main points because their minds are not as settled as men's. And because the good woman is a cause for Torah – she can draw her son to the yeshiva since she is present in the home, and she has compassion on him with various forms of yearning to draw him after Torah study from his youth. Even when he grows old, he will not depart from it.
Therefore, it is fitting for a woman to daven to Hakadosh Baruch Hu at the time of lighting Shabbat candles, which is a Mitzvah incumbent upon her, that Hakadosh Baruch Hu give her children who shine in Torah. For Tefillah is more readily heard at the time of performing a Mitzvah. And in the merit of the Shabbat candle – which is light – she will merit children who are masters of Torah, also ‘light’ – כִּי נֵר מִצְוָה וְתוֹרָ ה אוֹר.
And so Chazal expounded (Shabbat 23b): הַאי מַן דְּ רָ גִיל בִּשְׁרָ גִי הַוַיִן לֵיהּ בָּנִים תַּלְמִידֵי חֲכָמִים. One who is regular with lights will have children who are Torah scholars.
Let us examine Rabbeinu Bachya’s words. A story is told about a man who came to one of the great Torah leaders of the previous generation with a question: "My wife lights Shabbat candles in Gerber baby food jars, and they remain burning until Motzei Shabbat!" That great Torah leader asked him: "Nu... and what's the problem with that?" "Rebbe, she's been lighting this way for years, but I don't see our children becoming Torah scholars!" A wonderful answer was then provided: "Pay attention to what the Gemara says – One who is regular with lights will have children who are Torah scholars. And how does the Gemara continue? One who is careful with Mezuzah merits a beautiful dwelling, and one who is careful with Tzitzit merits a beautiful Tallit.”
To explain his answer, why regarding Mezuzah and Tzitzit does it say careful, but regarding Shabbat candles it doesn't say careful but rather regular? Furthermore, why does it say 'he who is careful' and not ‘she who is careful' – after all, the woman lights Shabbat candles, not the man? True, the woman does light the candles. But she encloses them from all sides so there's no concern of it tilting or falling over; and this way they burn throughout all of Shabbat. But what does the husband do? At 9pm he's already going to sleep, since the whole house is already dark. But there's a father who, after everyone has gone to sleep and even though the house is already dark, stands by the candle and begins studying the Parsha with Targum. The children wake up in the morning and discover that their father has already finished Shnayim Mikra v'Echad Targum and is now learning the Ramban, learning the Ohr HaChaim, and so on. This is what the Gemara is saying. One who is accustomed to the candles – not the one who lights candles, because his wife lights the candles! But what is he doing by the candle? He's learning beside it. Therefore, he’ll have sons who are Torah scholars!
