This week’s Parsha that we will read, B'ezrat Hashem, is Parshat Yitro – the parsha of Matan Torah. The Torah says:
Only guard yourself and guard your soul very much, lest you forget the things that your eyes saw and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life, and you shall make them known to your children and to your children's children: The day that you stood before Hashem your G-d at Chorev etc.
Therefore, we are commanded to remember Ma’amad Har Sinai and not to forget. Thus, we must study every single detail of Ma’amad Har Sinai. Since this is so, I would like to focus on one point within, which is the precedence given to women at Har Sinai.
The Torah says: כֹּה תֹאמַר לְבֵית יַעֲקֹב וְ תַ ג לִ בְ נֵי יִ שְׂ רָ אֵ ל – Thus shall you say to the house of Yaakov and tell the Bnei Yisrael. Chazal say (Shemot Rabbah, 22:2):
"Thus shall you say to the house of Yaakov" – these are the women. He said to him: Tell them the main points that they are able to hear. "And tell the Bnei Yisrael" – these are the men. He said to him: Tell them the precise details that they are able to hear. Another explanation: Why to the women first? Because they are zealous in mitzvot. Another explanation: So that they will guide their children to Torah.
Before we expand on this topic, let's just read the pesukim that constitute the introduction to the revelation at Har Sinai:
And Moshe went up to G-d, and Hashem called to him from the mountain, saying: Thus shall you say to the house of Yaakov and tell Bnei Yisrael: You have seen what I did to Egypt and I carried you on eagles' wings and brought you to Me. And now, if you will surely listen to My voice and keep My covenant, you shall be to Me a treasure from among all the peoples, for all the earth is Mine. And you shall be to Me a kingdom of priests and a holy nation. These are the words that you shall speak to Bnei Yisrael.
Rashi and the Maharal
Rashi says אֵ לֶּה הַדְּבָרִים means these are the words, no less and no more. On this explanation, the Maharal asks how it could enter one’s mind that Moshe Rabbeinu would add to the words of Hakadosh Baruch Hu?!
And the Maharal answers – One might say that it could enter your mind that Moshe would persuade them on his own; not that he would add to Hashem's word, but that he would add words of appeasement on his own and say “to them.” Even his own added words are forbidden, and the reason is so that later Bnei Yisrael will not say that they were overly persuaded (by Moshe) to accept the Torah.
The Meir Derech and Rav Chaim Kamil
The Meir Derech comes and adds an additional understanding to the words of the Maharal, sourced from the Gaon Rav Chaim Kamil. Why was Moshe Rabbeinu forbidden to persuade Bnei Yisrael to accept the Torah and to speak to them words of appeasement on his own? Let us imagine a person who points out to another that it would be proper for him to improve his conduct, whether regarding Mitzvot Bein Adam LeChaveiro (commandments between a person and his fellow), or regarding Mitzvot Bein Adam LaMakom (commandments between a person and G-d). As an added incentive, the one offering rebuke would add: "Surely so-and-so could be an example and model for you of proper conduct!" However, precisely this addition is liable to be troublesome and prevent the acceptance of the rebuke, for now the one receiving the rebuke could respond to him: "How can you bring so-and-so as an example for me? Did he not merit to learn Torah from the Torah greats? His parents too always persuaded him toward advancement in Torah and improvement of character! But personally, I have never merited to hear Torah from the mouths of Torah giants, and I didn’t merit that same education he received at home. In no way can he be an example for me!"
One could say that had Moshe Rabbeinu persuaded Bnei Yisrael and spoken words of appeasement to them so that they would accept the Torah, perhaps later generations would claim the Torah is too lofty for them, and they are not connected to Kabbalat HaTorah. They’d incorrectly claim: “True, the generation that received the Torah at Sinai stood at a spiritual level high enough to receive it, but this was because Moshe Rabbeinu was there to appease them, strengthen them, and prove it to them. However, that generation is not a proper example for us, for we don’t have Moshe Rabbeinu, and are therefore unable to stand in acceptance of the Torah.”
Therefore, Hakadosh Baruch Hu instructed Moshe not to add words of appeasement at all to the introduction of Ma’amad Har Sinai. And behold, sefer Meir Derech writes, these words are written for all generations. They gave the generation of Matan Torah the authority to draw near to Har Sinai and to say "Na’aseh v’nishma – we will do and we will hear!" And every generation that follows has that same possibility to hear these words, in this language and in this order (Rashi) – and through their influence to strengthen themselves, to elevate themselves and rise up to receive the Torah.
Meir Derech concludes: When a person studies these pesukim and contemplates them, they see the great love that Hakadosh Baruch Hu has for Bnei Yisrael. “אַתֶּם רְ אִיתֶם אֲשֶׁר עָשִׂיתִי לְמִצְרַיִם – You have seen what I did to Egypt – For how many transgressions were they liable to Me before they were joined with you, and I did not exact punishment from them!” And furthermore, Hakadosh Baruch Hu carried them as an eagle carries its young on its wings. When one contemplates the words of our Parsha deeply, he too is able to draw from the pesukim and achieve that same readiness and elevation of spirit that the Dor HaMidbar possessed by virtue of being prepared to receive the Torah. When a person does this, he too will merit to ascend to the summit upon which that generation stood when they all proclaimed as one: "Na’saeh v’Nishma!"
The Ohr HaChaim Hakadosh
The Ohr HaChaim Hakadosh asks several questions. Why does it repeat "תֹאמַר לְבֵית יַעֲקֹב" and "וְתַגֵּיד לִבְנֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל"? Chazal said (Rashi; Shemot Rabbah 28) that לְבֵית יַעֲקֹב – to the house of Yaakov refers to the women, and to them he should speak gently, while to Bnei Yisrael he should use harsh words like sinews. But this is difficult to understand, for we don't find that Hakadosh Baruch Hu said in His words two types of messages to two audiences, but rather one language for all together, men and women included. If the words are harsh, let them hear it together, and if they are gentle, let them hear it together. And one cannot say that when Moshe speaks he will change the wording from the order spoken, as he was instructed not to deviate from the exact words. And if we say that the intention of saying לִבְנֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל refers to the men, then the way to speak to the women would be missing. Also, we do not find any evidence of harsh words spoken to the men, but rather words that give life to the soul. These are the questions of the Ohr HaChaim.
The sefer Toldot Yitzchak
The sefer Toldot Yitzchak says – according to explanations of Rashi, תֹאמַר לְבֵית יַעֲקֹב refers to the women, who should be spoken to gently, while וְתַגֵּיד לִבְנֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל is in reference to the men, who should be served harsh words. But seemingly, Hakadosh Baruch Hu spoke one set of words to them all, and not separate messages. The answer is that to the women He said: אַתֶּם רְ אִיתֶם אֲשֶׁר עָשִׂיתִי ...וָאֶשָּׂא אֶתְכֶם ... וָאָבִא אֶתְכֶם אֵלָי – all gentle language until כִּי לִי כָּל הָאָרֶץ; and afterwards, He turned to the males and said: וְאַתֶּם תִּהְיוּ לִי מַמְלֶכֶת כֹּהֲנִים וְגוֹי קָדוֹשׁ – a holy nation, separated from illicit relations and all transgressions. This is the meaning of וְאַתֶּם – and you, signaling the start of a distinct message for them, in sharper language.
The Ohr HaChaim does not accept this explanation, however, and takes the matter in a different direction: There is significance to the manner in which a person speaks and the tone in which he says things.
It is told of a certain father who received a letter from his son but the father did not know how to read and write, so he gave the letter to his friend and asked him to read the letter to him – "Do me a favor, tell me what he wrote here." His friend takes the letter and reads it to him: "Dad, send me 5000 shekels urgently!!!" The father hears and cannot believe it – "What an arrogant child! I work an entire month for that amount, and he demands it from me so forcefully?! This just doesn't seem right... he never speaks like that!"
The next morning, he wakes up and knocks on his neighbor's door and asks: "Do me a favor, please read to me what is written here." The neighbor looks at the letter and reads it to him: "Dad, please, would you kindly send me 5000 shekels?"
We learn from this that tone and manner of speech greatly influence how things are received. The Ohr HaChaim comes and says that in our Avodat Hashem there are two paths: the first, עֲבוֹדַת ה' מֵאַהֲבָה (service of Hashem from love) and the second, עֲבוֹדַת ה' מִירְאָה (service of Hashem from fear). Both ways have advantages and also disadvantages.
The Ohr HaChaim writes:
While performance of the Mitzvot out of a feeling of love for Hashem is something very noble, it is also accompanied by a potentially dangerous phenomenon inasmuch as the very love one feels for Hashem may make one careless. As a result, one may occasionally trespass and violate a commandment and even assume that due to one's overall love for Hashem and His Torah He would overlook such minor infractions. The reason one feels that way is because this is the way one treats one's friends and wants to be treated by them. In order to understand Moshe’s behavior we must keep such considerations in mind. Moshe was on such intimate terms with Hashem that on occasion he permitted himself unbecoming remarks such as when he told Hashem, "Send whom You are in the habit of sending." Another occasion when Moshe permitted himself an unbecoming comment when he asked Hashem, "Why did You make things worse for the people instead of saving them?" The only reason Moshe could make such a slip was because he felt so close to Hashem that he lost his sense of awe when facing Hashem, something that would never have happened to a person less intimate with Hashem. The fact is that Hashem does not indulge people with whom He is intimate, He does not apply less stringent yardsticks when judging those who are close to Him. We have Hashem on record as "not regarding persons – i.e. not showing preference to those who are close to him, nor accepting a bribe." On the contrary, the closer a person has come to Hashem the more exacting the yardstick by which Hashem measures him. When a person who is close to Hashem commits a minor infraction, he is disciplined as we know from: “Those who are around Him (close to Him) are greatly agitated." Bava Kama 50 explains this to mean that Hashem is so exacting with the pious people even if they deviate only by a hair's breadth.
The Ohr HaChaim adds: When giving the Torah, Hakadosh Baruch Hu faced two approaches. First, He could speak with love and fondness, which would inspire people to accept the Torah from love and receive maximum reward. However, this carries a danger: familiarity with Hashem could breed carelessness, causing people to overlook minor infractions. The second approach was to speak as Master to servants, using stern language that ensures strict observance of every commandment. The disadvantage is that this approach yields only half the reward that comes from serving out of love. Hakadosh Baruch Hu needed both approaches working together. Therefore, Hakadosh Baruch Hu opted for a combined method when instructing Moshe to speak to the people. כֹּה תֹאמַר לְבֵית יַעֲקֹב – use soft, loving language for the spiritually less advanced, and וְתַגֵּיד לִבְנֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל – use stern language for the more spiritually elite. The less mature need encouragement through the father-son relationship while the elite need to remember the master-servant relationship to prevent complacency. Both approaches are necessary for every Jew to achieve full reward while avoiding undue familiarity with Hakadosh Baruch Hu.
This ends the words of the Ohr HaChaim Hakadosh, and I would prefer to follow precisely the line of Rashi, who says:
לבית יעקב. This denotes the women; to them you shall speak in gentle language. לבני ישראל. Explain to the men the punishments and the details of the commandments in words that are as hard (distasteful) as wormwood.
Precedence of Women at Har Sinai
Before we continue, I would like to ask a question – what does a lifeguard at the beach do when he sees a couple drowning in the water and he can only save one of them? Whom do we save, the man or the woman?
Chazal say (Horayot 3:7): The man takes precedence over the woman – if there is a need to save a man from death and a woman from death, we save the man first. The Rambam explains the reason: it is because the man is obligated in all the Mitzvot, whereas the woman is not obligated in positive time-bound Mitzvot.
And if we're talking about a Kohen and a Yisrael – whom do we save? The next Mishna states: A Kohen takes precedence over a Levi, a Levi over a Yisrael, a Yisrael over a mamzer, a mamzer over a natin, a natin over a convert, and a convert over a freed slave.
If so, according to these two Mishnayot, it turns out that we save whoever is obligated in more Mitzvot.
Rabbotai, if we see that the man takes precedence, at least in this particular matter, we’d expect Ma’amad Har Sinai to begin with men and not women, as they are obligated in more Mitzvot. Yet, according to the pasuk and Rashi’s basic explanation, the women preceded the men. Why is this?
Chazal say (Pirkei D'Rabbi Eliezer, 41): On Erev Shabbat, Bnei Yisrael stood arranged at Har Sinai; the men separately and the women separately. Hakadosh Baruch Hu said to Moshe: “Go ask the daughters of Israel if they want to receive the Torah, for it is the way of men to follow the opinion of women.” Only afterwards were the men told (a similar message).
The Yalkut Ma'ayan Ganim asks why He placed women before men, and answers that it is because a man's opinion is close to his wife's, as it says וַיֵּלֶךְ מָנוֹחַ אַחֲרֵי אִשְׁתּוֹ – And Manoach went after his wife. And furthermore, it is because the women were raising their sons for Torah study.
Shlomo HaMelech says (Mishlei 14:1):
חַכְמוֹת נָשִׁים בָּנְתָה בֵיתָהּ וְאִוֶּלֶת בְּיָדֶיהָ תֶהֶרְסֶנּוּ׃
The wisdom of women builds her house, but folly tears it down with her own hands.
Chazal expound on this (Sanhedrin 110a):
“The wisdom of women builds her house” refers to the wife of On ben Pelet, who through her wisdom preserved her household by preventing her husband from joining Korach in his dispute, and thus he remained alive. And “But folly tears it down with her hands” refers to the wife of Korach, who with her foolish counsel incited her husband to rebel against Moshe, bringing death upon him and destroying her entire household.
The Midrash (Bereishit Rabbah, 17:7) presents a related story: There was a story of a pious man who was married to a pious woman, and they did not have children together. They said, “We are of no benefit to Hakadosh Baruch Hu,” so they divorced each other. The pious man went and married a wicked woman, and she made him wicked; the pious woman went and married a wicked man, and she made him righteous. This proves that everything depends on the woman.
If we have learned that everything depends on the woman, therefore Hakadosh Baruch Hu said: "Let us give the Torah to the women first, for in any case the men will follow after them!"
Two Brief Introductions
Before we delve into the depths of this matter, we need to present two brief introductions. In the sefer Toldot Yitzchak (by Rav Yitzchak Karo), a beautiful idea is brought. Why did the women precede the men at Ma’amad Har Sinai? He explains that in the Sanhedrin, the lesser one speaks first, for if the greater one speaks, there is no one who will speak after him. Therefore, Hakadosh Baruch Hu wanted the women to speak first, for if their husbands had spoken first, they would have remained silent and would have been compelled to accept the Torah.
The Moshav Zekainim of the Ba’alei Tosafot writes – Why did women merit to speak first? He answered: By the merit of Leah Imeinu, they merited to speak first, for she would place upon her heart a golden ornament upon which was engraved תּוֹרָה צִוָּה לָנוּ מֹשֶׁה, and she would meditate upon it day and night. Therefore, we’re told that "Leah's eyes were tender" – from the golden ornament; contrary to what we knew until today, namely, that that her eyes were tender from weeping. Therefore, her descendants merited in Torah first.
A question was raised: What did Leah Imeinu seek to accomplish by placing a golden ornament upon her neck with this inscription written upon it? The sefer Otzar P'laot HaTorah offers a most interesting interpretation. We can explain the depth of Leah Imeinu's custom by first presenting what the Rambam wrote (Commentary on Chullin 7:6). He states:
"Understand this great principle: 'מִסִּינַי נֶאֱסַר – From Sinai it was forbidden.' Everything we refrain from or do today is only because of Hakadosh Baruch Hu's commandment through Moshe Rabbeinu, and not because He commanded the earlier Nevi’im. We do not refrain from eating a limb from a living animal because it was forbidden to Noah's descendants, but rather because Moshe Rabbeinu forbade it to us at Sinai. We circumcise not because Avraham circumcised himself, but because Hakadosh Baruch Hu commanded us through Moshe Rabbeinu. The sciatic nerve – we avoid it not because of Yaakov’s prohibition, but because of Moshe Rabbeinu's commandment. As Chazal said, 'Six hundred and thirteen Mitzvot were stated to Moshe at Sinai,' all falling under this category."
Otzar P'laot HaTorah writes, this was likely Leah Imeinu's intention in hanging a golden tablet on her neck with the inscription that Torah was taught to us by Moshe – to teach her sons, the shevatim, the concept of מָסֹורֶת מֹשֶׁה רַבֵּינוּ – the tradition of Moshe Rabbeinu, so they would transmit it to all generations. For even though the Avot fulfilled the Mitzvot from ancient times, we observe them not for their sake, but because Hakadosh Baruch Hu commanded us through Moshe Rabbeinu at Har Sinai.
The sefer Torat Chaim
The sefer Torat Chaim, by Rav Avraham Chaim Shor, examines the words of the Gemara. The Gemara says (Bava Batra 134a):
Rabban Yochanan ben Zakkai was an unparalleled scholar who mastered every dimension of Torah learning – from the written scriptures and Mishnah to the depths of Talmud, from the practical halachot to the spiritual aggadot. He studied the subtle details of Torah law and tradition, understood the principles for deriving new teachings, calculated the Hebrew calendar, and grasped hidden numerical patterns. Beyond these explicit disciplines, Rabban Yochanan delved into both the profound mysteries and the seemingly trivial, and his life exemplified the ideal of the complete Torah scholar – one who neglects nothing, for every aspect of Torah wisdom has its place in serving Hakadosh Baruch Hu. He fulfilled the pasuk of לְהַנְחִיל אוֹהֲבַי יֵשׁ וְאֹצְרוֹתֵיהֶם אֲמַל – That I may cause those that love me to inherit substance and that I may fill their treasuries.
