On the auspiciously approaching Shabbas Kodesh of parshas Yisro, we will read the Aseres HaDibros which HKB”H spoke to Yisrael at the momentous event of Matan Torah at Har Sinai. It is worth noting that prior to delivering the Dibrot, HKB”H mentions the women before the men. Here is the passuk (Shemos 19, 3): "כה תאמר לבית יעקב ותגיד לבני ישראל"—so shall you say to the house of Yaakov and tell the sons of Yisrael.
Rashi comments in the name of the Mechilta: “To the house of Yaakov”—these are the women; regarding them, the Torah says: “say to them,” using gentle language. “And tell the sons of Yisrael”—matters of punishments and specific details should be explained explicitly to the men, matters as harsh as sinews (bitter herbs).
At first glance, this might seem surprising, since one might think that Matan Torah was directed primarily to the men, especially since they are obligated to fulfill all the mitzvos of the Torah—even one’s with time restrictions and constraints. Additionally, the Gemara (Kiddushin 29b) teaches that only men are commanded to observe the mitzvah of Torah-study, while the women are free of this obligation and commitment. Yet, as a preface to Matan Torah, HKB”H chose to mention the women first!
Our blessed sages address this issue in the Midrash (S.R. 28, 2): Why are the women addressed first? Because they perform mitzvos with alacrity. Alternatively, so that they will guide their children to Torah . . . HKB”H said, “When I created the world, I commanded only Adam HaRishon (not to eat from Eitz HaDa’as), and afterwards Chava was commanded; and she transgressed and corrupted the world. Now, if I do not summon the women first, they will nullify the Torah.” That is why it says: “So you shall say to the house of Yaakov.”
Clearly, Chazal are emphasizing the important role women play in the management of a household—for better or for worse. On the one hand, we see the consequences resulting from the “cheit Eitz HaDa’as,” where HKB”H only addressed Adam HaRishon and not Chava. She failed to appreciate the gravity of the transgression and caused permanent damage to all of creation. On the other hand, her vital influence on her household is undeniable. In fact, because of it, women are guaranteed a greater reward in Olam HaBa than men. Here is the pertinent passage in the Gemara (Berachos 17a):
Greater is the promise that HKB”H made to women than to men, as it is stated (Yeshayah 32, 9): “Rise up, women at ease and hear My voice; confident daughters, listen to what I say.” This promise of ease and confidence of attaining Olam HaBa is not given to men. Rav said to Rabbi Chiya: By what virtue do women merit this reward? For bringing their children to the Beis Kenesses to learn Scripture, and for sending their husbands to study (Talmud) in the study hall, and for waiting for their husbands until they return from the study hall.
It Is a Wonderful Segulah for a Woman to Pray for Children Who Are Torah Scholars when She Lights Shabbas Candles
Concerning the amazing power HKB”H granted righteous women—the positive influence she is able to exert on her household—it behooves us to present what the Magen Avraham (263, 11) writes in the name of the Mateh Moshe and in the name of Rabeinu Bachayei (Yisro): It is worthwhile for a woman to pray at the time she is lighting that HKB”H grant her sons illuminated with Torah. Here are the inspirational words of Rabeinu Bachayei:
The reason Hashem told Moshe to address the women first was to teach them ethics and general rules of conduct. Additionally, in order to make the women receptive for further Torah legislation, Moses gave them an overview of the headings and subject matters that the Torah contains. They needed special preparation for all this as their minds function differently from the minds of men, seeing that their daily tasks did not allow them so much free time to think about their spiritual needs as did the minds of the men. Moreover, a good woman is the main reason Torah has a future. The mother encourages her young son to go to the Beis Midrash; seeing she is at home throughout the day, she is the one who responds to the various needs, both real and imagined, of her children. She protects them against all kinds of dangers. She does all this so that he will be drawn to the path of Torah from his youth and he will not abandon it when he becomes old (Mishlei 22,6).
This is why it is incumbent upon a woman to pray to Hashem, blessed is He, at the time she lights the Shabbas candles, a mitzvah which is primarily hers, that He may grant her children who will learn Torah and be guided by its precepts. For, any tefilah is more likely to be heard when it is offered at a time when one is performing a mitzvah. And in the merit of lighting the Shabbas candles, which provides physical light, she will merit having children who become learned in Torah, which is referred to as light, as it states (Mishlei 6, 23): “For a mitzvah is a lamp, and the Torah is light.” We find a similar exposition from Chazal (Shabbas 23b): One who lights candles (Rashi: Shabbas and Chanukah) religiously (consistently) will have sons who are talmidei-chachamim.
With immense pleasure, we will elaborate further on the mitzvah of lighting candles in honor of Shabbas Kodesh—a mitzvah, which was given to women, but which men are also obligated to perform. A source for this minhag is found in the Mishnah (ibid. 34a). We are taught that one of the three things a man must say in his home on Erev Shabbas as it gets dark is ר"הָנָ אֱתִֵיקוּ לְְדַהָ" —light the candle. The Gemara explains that this is derived from the passuk (Iyov 5, 24): "וידעת כי שלום אהלך"—you will know that your tent is at peace. Rabeinu Chananel comments that there cannot be “shalom” (peace) without light.
Furthermore, we have learned in the Gemara (ibid. 25b): "הדלקת נר בשבת חובה"—lighting candles on Shabbas is obligatory. Further on, the Gemara focuses on the passuk (Eichah 3, 17): "ותזנח משלום, מאי ותזנח משלום נפשי, אמר רבי אבהו זו הדלקת נר בשבת". “My soul despaired of having peace; I have forgotten goodness.” To what loss does “my soul despaired of having peace” refer? Rabbi Abahu said: This refers to lighting a candle on Shabbas. Rashi explains: That he did not have with what to kindle, and without (a Shabbas) light, there is no peace; for while walking around in darkness, one is likely to stumble. According to the version of the Bach, it is unsettling to eat in darkness.
The Obligation Applies More to Women than to Men because the Woman Extinguished the “Lamp of the World”
In reality, the obligation to light candles in honor of Shabbas applies also to the man. Here is the ruling in the Shulchan Aruch (O.C. 263, 2): Both men and women are obligated to have a lit candle in their homes on Shabbas. Notwithstanding, the prevalent Jewish minhag is for the woman to light the candles. The rationale for this minhag is explained there (ibid. 3): The women are more obligated, since they are present in the home and take care of the needs of the home. In fact, the Magen Avraham (ibid. 6) writes in the name of the Bach: And even if the husband wishes to light himself, the wife takes precedence.
The Magen Avraham (ibid. 7) goes on to add another reason for the women taking precedence: Because the woman extinguished “the lamp/candle of the world.” The MAchaszis HaShekel explains his meaning: By causing Adam HaRishon to sin, she darkened his neshamah, which is referred to as a candle, as it is written (Mishlei 20, 27): “A man’s neshamah is the candle of Hashem.” And his neshamah was the lamp (light, candle) of the world, since all the neshamos were contained in the makeup (measure, composition) of Adam HaRishon.
The source for this rationale is found in the Tur (ibid.): The women are more obligated in it (the mitzvah of “hadlakat haner”), as explained in the Midrash, because she extinguished the “lamp of the world”—i.e., she caused the death of Adam HaRishon. He is referring to the following Midrash related to the mitzvah of lighting candles on Shabbas (Yalkut Shimoni, Bereishis 32): Why was it given to the woman? Because she extinguished the “lamp of the world” . . . Therefore, it is incumbent upon her to observe the mitzvah of the candles.
Additionally, the Magen Avraham writes the following in the name of the Arizal (Sha’ar HaKavanos): Nevertheless, the husband should prepare the candles. Explained simply, since the obligation to light candles on Shabbas is also incumbent on the man, he should at least participate in the mitzvah by preparing the candles. Furthermore, his participation reminds him that he was also culpable in the “cheit Eitz HaDa’as” for following his wife’s lead and counsel.
The Rationale for Lighting Two Candles in Honor of Shabbas
Halachically, one can fulfill the obligation of “hadlakat ner Shabbas” with a single candle. Nevertheless, the prevalent minhag is to light a minimum of two candles. This is what the michaber writes in the Shulchan Aruch (ibid. 1): Take care to prepare a nice candle (lamp); some purposely set up two wicks—one corresponding to “zachor” and one corresponding to “shamor.” In other words, one candle commemorates the formula of the mitzvah regarding Shabbas-observance that appears in the first set of dibros (Shemos 20, 8): "זכור את יום השבת לקדשו", while the second candle commemorates the formula of the mitzvah that appears in the second set of dibros (Devarim 5, 12): "שמור את יום השבת לקדשו". The former employs the term “zachor” (remember), whereas the latter employs the term “shamor” (guard); these are the two ways in which we sanctify the day of Shabbas.
The source for this practice is the Tur, who writes (ibid.): One should heed to make a nice lamp (candle). For, Rav Huna said: One who regularly makes an effort to make a nice lamp for Shabbas will have sons who are talmidei-chachamim. There are some who purposely (by design) make two wicks—one corresponding to “zachor” and one corresponding to “shamor.”
This explains very nicely what the Gemara (ibid.) relates about Rav Huna. He would regularly pass by the doorway of Rabbi Avin the carpenter; he saw that Rabbi Avin had the custom of lighting many candles in honor of Shabbas. Rav Huna proclaimed, “Two great men will emerge from here”—i.e., two great Torah scholars are destined to come out of this house. And, in fact, Rav Idi bar Avin and Rav Chiya bar Avin came from them. We can posit the he was rewarded in this manner, since he could have legitimately sufficed with a single Shabbas candle; yet he scrupulously lit two candles every Shabbas—one for “zachor” and one for “shamor”; he was rewarded, therefore, to have two sons who were renowned Torah scholars.
In keeping with this discussion, we can propose a rationale for the practice of many Jewish women to add a candle for every child in the family. They want every son to become a great Torah scholar and every daughter to be privileged to marry a great Torah scholar.
