Introduction
1. In the previous issue (386), we cited the Gemara (ב''ב דף ס' ע''ב) which tells how when the Beis Hamikdash was destroyed, many Jews wanted to decree actual aveilus upon themselves by not eating meat or drinking wine, as those were brought on the Mizbeiach. R’ Yehoshua responded to them, “A gezeira may not be made for the tzibbur unless the majority of the tzibbur can handle it.” Thus, instead of absolute aveilus, Chazal instituted limited, yet constant, takanos, particularly regarding matters of joy. These serve as a memory of the Churban in our daily lives, in fulfillment of the posuk, “אם לא אעלה את ירושלים על ראש שמחתי.” These pertain to the house, meals, women’s jewelry, and a chosson’s joy.
2. In that issue, we elaborated on the halachos of leaving a square amah without whitewash to remember the Churban. In the current issue, we will discuss more things we do to remember the Churban, along with their sources and halachos.
A Way to Rouse Ourselves
3. When a person loses a relative, lo aleinu, often the feeling of loss only comes in full force at a time of simcha, e.g., when making a chasuna or the like. At those moments, when the heart is open and full of emotions, the empty seat of the late relative is felt more deeply, and the pain intensifies.
4. This is the emotional depth behind Chazal’s takana to remember the Churban Beis Hamikdash specifically at times of simcha. When a person is immersed in his simcha and his heart is open to profound impact, Chazal instruct us to do things that arouse the heart so that we do not forget the aveilus over Klal Yisroel’s greatest loss—the absence of Hashem’s glorious House.
5. Therefore, Dovid Hamelech declared, “אם אשכחך ירושלים תשכח ימיני... אם לא אעלה את ירושלים על ראש שמחתי” (תהלים קל"ז). Specifically at a time of joy, when a person is at the peak of his happiness, he must elevate the pain of the Churban over his simcha. He must demonstrate and remind himself that as long as the Beis Hamikdash is not rebuilt, our simcha is still and cannot be complete.
Reducing Food at a Meal
Large Meal
6. Chazal also made a takana that when one makes a large meal with guests—even a seudas mitzva, e.g., for a bris, wedding, or the like—he should not serve all the dishes fit for the meal, in such a way that the lack of some dish on the table is noticeable. This is to remember the Churban (שו''ע תק''ס ס''ב, שו''ת שבט הלוי ח''י סי' פ''ה).
7. Not usually served at every meal. When one omits some dish that he does not usually serve at every meal, and the reminder is not so noticeable, he must also leave an empty spot on the table without a bowl that should be there. This way, it is noticeable that something is missing (ט''ז, מ''ב שם סק''ז, שער הציון סקט''ז).
8. Usually at every meal. However, if one leaves out something usually served at every meal, there is no need to also leave a spot on the table without any bowls (שם).
9. Shabbos, Yom Tov. There is no need to leave anything out of a seuda for Shabbos, Yom Tov, or Purim (מור וקציעה סי' תרצ''ה, מ''ב שם).
Today
10. The Acharonim write that this halacha is not practiced today, but they are puzzled as to why this is the case (חיי א''דם, ביאור ה''לכה). They similarly write that they have no concrete idea or image as to how one leaves a spot at the table free of any bowl (ערוה''ש סו''י).
11. Not noticeable. Some try to justify this by explaining that in the past, there was a precise order for the foods in a meal, and the foods were put out on the table all at once at the beginning of the meal. Thus, any small thing that was missing would be noticeable to all as a memory of the Churban. Today, in contrast, eating habits have changed, and there is no specific order for the foods at a meal. Also, dishes are served one after the other, and people make meals with menus based on their means and desires. Thus, even if some dish would be left out, it would not be at all noticeable that it is to remember the Churban, so people are not careful about it (מקור חיים, כף החיים סקח''י).
12. In practice. A suggestion to fulfill this halacha today is to leave an empty bowl or serving plate in the middle of the table. By doing this, one remembers some food is missing—even if it is not clear which food—and is then reminded that the Mizbeiach is also missing food. It is worthwhile to restore this halacha to its former status and practice this minhag in every home to constantly remember the Churban, particularly when making joyous meals, as paskened in Shulchan Aruch.
