Shaloch Manos Dilemma and Halachic Guidance

QUESTION: I started work at a local school helping special needs students. “Rachel” the teacher who I replaced, left me Shaloch Manos to deliver to “Leah” a co-worker of hers that she became friendly with during her tenure at the school. The Shaloch Manos contained donuts and a few other items that needed to be refrigerated. I put the Shaloch Manos in my refrigerator with the intention of bringing them to school the next morning to give to Leah and then I went to bed.

The next morning, I opened the refrigerator and found that my husband had eaten half of the donuts. I was touched that my husband had left me with the other half, but I was in a quandary as to what to do now. Should I deliver the Shaloch Manos to my co-worker as is? Should I replace the donuts with something else? Do I have to tell Rachel or Leah what had happened?

Ultimately, I decided to replace the donuts with cookies that I had repurposed from a Shaloch Manos that I had received, and did not tell Rachel or Leah what had happened. Did I do the right thing?

ANSWER: You did the right thing by not telling Rachel or Leah what had happened. Rachel may have felt bad that the Shaloch Manos that she intended to give were not delivered and one is allowed to deviate from the truth or in this case, withhold the truth to prevent hurt feelings. Same thing goes for Leah, she may have felt bad if she was told that she did not get the donuts that were originally intended for her.

You may still tell Leah that the Shaloch Manos came from Rachel, even though the donuts came from Rachel and were swapped out for the cookies that you provided, since the cookies are a direct and substantially similar replacement to the donuts that Rachel had provided.

As an aside, there are two reasons that are cited for the giving of Shaloch Manos. The Terumas HaDeshen (Siman 111) writes that the giving of Shaloch Manos is to ensure that the recipients have enough food to eat for their Purim Seudah (the required Purim feast). The Manos HaLevi on Megillas Esther (9:19), written by Rav Shlomo Alkabetz and cited by the Chasam Sofer, writes an altogether different reason: to increase peace and brotherly love within Bnei Yisrael through the act of giving. This is to refute the characterization of the Jewish people by Haman as a nation that was “Mefuzar Umefurad”- spread apart and fragmented, on account of strife and discord among the people.