וִהְיִיתֶם לִי קְדשִׁים כִּי קָדוֹשׁ אֲנִי ה’ וָאַבְדִּל אֶתְכֶם מִן הָעַמִּים לִהְיוֹת לִי: (כ, כו)
Rashi explains: And I have separated you from among the peoples to be Mine – If you are separated from the other peoples, see, then, you are Mine. But if not, see, then, you belong to Nevuchadnetzar and his colleagues. R’ Elazar ben Azaryah says, “From where do know that a person should not say ’I am nauseated by pork’ or ’I do not wish to wear clothes made of a mixture of wool and linen’, but rather, he should say, ’I would eat it’ or ’I would wear it’ but what can I do? My Father Who is in Heaven has decreed upon me not to?’ The posuk says ’and I have separated you from among the peoples to be Mine’ that your separation from them should be for My sake. He stays away from sin and accepts upon himself the yoke of the Kingdom of Heaven.”
Astonishment will seize all who reflect on these words of Rashi! Here is a person who merited to be born to a father and mother who are Jewish and observant of Torah and mitzvos, and they also raised him to observe and fulfill all the commandments of the Torah. When he grew up, he followed in their footsteps and increased his observance—and yet, he is considered essentially a goy! Hashem actually despises him just as He despises a gentile! And not just any gentile, but among the worst of them—like Nevuchadnetzar and his ilk. Why? Because he did not distinguish himself from the nations! That is to say, he made sure that his Jewish identity would not be visible on the outside, that the gentiles wouldn’t recognize any difference between him and them. Therefore, says HaKadosh Baruch Hu, “You are just like them.”
At first glance, this is very difficult to accept. After all, we’re talking about a Jew who believes in Hashem and fulfills the mitzvos as he was raised to do. It is just that he also desires the companionship of his friends, who happen to be non-Jews. And since he knows that these friends would not want to be close to him unless he made himself like them, he tries to appease them in this way. Still, he does not actually transgress their sins, chalilah—he merely adjusts his outward appearance to resemble theirs. And for that alone, should he no longer be desirable in the eyes of his Creator?!
But upon deeper reflection, the matter becomes easier to accept. This Jew—if he truly recognized the lofty greatness of his Jewish identity, if he understood his fortunate destiny in being counted among those whom Hashem chose as His people and to whom He bequeathed the Torah and mitzvos—he would not have chosen friends such as these. He would not have desired at all that such individuals respect him, for in comparison to his elevated status, they are likened to beasts. Therefore, he would not have hidden his pure identity from the gentiles. On the contrary, he would have taken pride in the signs of his Judaism, for he would have understood that this is his honor. And if the reality is the opposite—that he does seek to resemble them—this is a sign that he does not recognize the greatness of his position, and he does not truly value the Torah and the commandments as he ought. It must then follow that he also does not fulfill them properly. And in the way that he does fulfill them, he will not be able to pass them on to the generations that follow him.
In light of the above, we clearly understand what Rashi quotes next from the words of Rebbe Elazar ben Azaryah: “From where is it derived that a person should not say, ‘My soul detests pork,’ or, ‘I do not wish to wear shaatnez’? Rather, one should say, ‘I do desire it—but what can I do, for my Father in Heaven has decreed upon me [not to do so]?’ The Torah teaches: ‘And I have separated you from the nations to be Mine’—your separation from them should be for My sake: one who refrains from sin and accepts upon himself the yoke of the kingdom of Heaven.”
The statement of Rebbe Elazar illustrates for us the nature of one who desires to resemble the gentiles. After all, we have said that we are speaking of one who “observes Torah and mitzvos.” So how, then, will he succeed in hiding from the eyes of the gentile the true reality—that they are different in their ways and conduct? When he visits the home of the gentile, the gentile will wish to honor him with a respectable portion of pork, or with other foods that are forbidden to him, such as non-kosher meats and the like. How will he respond to this? Will he tell the gentile that he must abstain from such foods? The gentile will be offended by this! He will, therefore, feel compelled to say: “I do not desire pork—it is not pleasing to my palate!”
Now stand and consider the implications of this behavior. First of all, this Jew has spoken a lie. For it may well be that the meat is quite pleasing to his taste. And who permitted him to lie just in order to avoid upsetting the gentile? Furthermore, his son and daughter are sitting beside him and hear how their father explains his abstention from these foods only by claiming that they are not tasty to him. From this, they will conclude that if the foods do indeed appeal to their palate, then there is no reason to refrain from eating them. Behold, this is the nature of the “chinuch” he is giving his children...
Moreover, you must understand that the time will come when this man will no longer uphold his Judaism at all. He will discover that it is not always possible to evade such situations, and when he sees no other way out, he will permit himself to compromise his Judaism under certain circumstances. At first, these compromises will be small and subtle, but over time they will become more and more noticeable. And so he will descend lower and lower, Rachmana litzlan.
Therefore, said Rebbe Elazar ben Azaryah: If you desire to be a faithful Jew, you must reveal that you are a Jew! You do not refrain from eating pork because it is unappealing, but because “my Father in Heaven has forbidden it to me.” And for this reason, you do not wear clothing made of shaatnez, and so it is with all the other mitzvos. The principle is this: I accept upon myself the yoke of the Kingdom of Heaven, and all my conduct is dependent on the will of the Creator.
It is self-evident that by following this path, you will not acquire many friends among the nations of the world. However, if G-d has granted you understanding, you will not even desire that—for what need do you have to befriend animals?
This is the principle Rashi seeks to teach us: A Jew who wishes to maintain his Judaism must understand that he and the gentile are two separate species. Just as the “monkey” is its own species, so too is the gentile a separate species. These are not his companions, and even if his livelihood depends on his business dealings with them, he must understand that they are nothing more than inanimate instruments that assist in his livelihood, and he must not, chalilah, become attached to them.
All of the above also applies in our times to the matter of drawing close to Jews who have cast off the yoke of Torah. For unfortunately, they have come to resemble the nations, and are like complete gentiles, just like Nevuchadnetzar and his associates. All who draw close to them and desire their companionship are at risk of being drawn after their deeds, Rachmana litzlan. Therefore, we must know that unless the closeness is for the purpose of bringing them back to the right path, such friendship is not desirable. And even those who do wish to befriend them in order to influence them for good must first consult with a Rav and a spiritual guide, to determine whether they are indeed fit and qualified to do so.
