There was a woman whose family had the minhag to eat milky food on Shavuos night, and meaty on Shavuos morning. On erev Shavuos after she finished preparing the milky meal, she tidied up the kitchen and started to prepare the meaty meal for Shavuos morning. An hour before Yom Tov, the meaty dish was ready, and she tasted from the dish like she does every erev Shabbos to check if it needed more salt, spices etc. Then she caught herself and realized she had just eaten meat, and now she won’t be able to join in the family’s milky Yom Tov meal on Shavuos night, as she is now meaty.
Is there any room to allow her to join in the family’s milky Shavuos meal? Not joining in will ruin her simchas Yom Tov, and it will be very painful for her to see the entire family eating the milky food she prepared, when she can’t join in. Is there any room for leniency, or must she refrain and not take part in anything milky at the meal?
Reasons for Leniency
It would seem that we can be lenient for a number of reasons, and even if each reason in itself is not enough of a reason, perhaps we can join the reasons together:
- The Rema (Yoreh Deah 89:1) writes that according to strict halachah one only needs to wait one hour between meat and milk. Although we are stringent and wait six hours, in times of need, perhaps we can be lenient.
- The woman didn’t eat from the meat itself, she just ate from the meaty dish (תבשיל של בשר ) and the Shulchan Aruch (sif 3) holds that if one eats from a meaty dish but doesn’t eat the meat itself, there is no need to wait six hours. (Obviously, if she ate actual meat, we won’t be able to use this argument)
- Due to the mitzvah of simchas Yom Tov, perhaps we can be lenient. According to the Mishnah Berurah (529:15) women are obligated in simchas Yom Tov like the opinion of the Shagas Aryeh. Even according to R’ Akiva Eiger (end of siman 1) that they are exempt, perhaps by Shavuos he agrees, as it’s clear in the Binyan Shlomah (2:48) that even if by a regular Yom Tov there is no mitzvah for women, Shavuos is different, as it’s the day “the Torah was given”, and this is a reason for simcha by women as well.
- Perhaps we can add further, that after lighting candles she should go for a sleep, and then we can add the opinion of the Gaon MiTchakanov (הגאון מטשכנוב) (cited in Veyaas Avraham siman 51, and Piskei Teshuvah 185). On Shavuos his talmidim wanted to fulfill the minhag Yisroel of eating milky food, however, it hadn’t yet been six hours since they had eaten meat. The Gaon MiTchakanov paskened for his talmidim, that if they go for a sleep in the afternoon, when they wake up, they can eat milk. It’s brought In Zichron L’Moshe that the Chasam Sofer wanted to be mechadesh that since the reason for waiting six hours between meat and milk is because that’s how long it takes for the meat to digest, this only applies if one eats meat during the day. If, however, one eats meat at night and then goes to sleep, even if six hours haven’t passed one may eat milk, as sleeping causes the meat to digest quicker. However, after coming up with this chiddush and wanting to put it to practice, the Chasam Sofer prepared himself a milky coffee, and early in the morning when coming to learn, the cup smashed, and the coffee fell to the floor. The Chasam Sofer understood from here, that Shomayim was teaching him that his pesak was wrong, and that Chazal never differentiated between day and night and one must always wait six hours.
The Sefer Kav Venoki (Vol 2, 249) brings that he heard from R’ Elyashiv that one can rely on the opinions that if one eats meat and then he sleeps a shinas keva [fixed sleep] he doesn’t need to wait six hours.
Can We Rely on the Above Reasons?
The first two reasons we mentioned are difficult to rely on, as practically the widespread minhag in Klal Yisroel is to wait six hours, even after eating just a tavshil shel bosar [food containing meat]. Moreover, the Rema writes about this, that if one doesn’t do it, he is פורץ גדר – breaking boundaries. Similarly, regarding going to sleep after lighting candles, it’s difficult to consider such a sleep a shinas keva, and R’ Elyashiv said that only a shinas keva helps.
Regarding the reason of simchas Yom Tov, it’s difficult to allow issurim based on such an argument, especially on Shavuos which is the Yom Tov of Kabbolas HaTorah. On such a Yom Tov one should be stringent and show he is happy with accepting the Torah, and even if sometimes it’s difficult, it’s not a yoke; on the contrary we are happy to listen to whatever the Torah says. This will also be good chinuch for the family. The mother should say to them: “Dear family, do you want to know why I am not eating any milky food tonight? It’s because I accidently tasted the meaty dish on erev Yom Tov”. Then they will ask: “But there are so many reasons to be lenient, we can even think of four?” and she will answer: “Correct, however, now is the time of Kabbolas HaTorah, and the reason we eat milky food on Shavuos is because when the Torah was given Klal Yisroel didn’t have enough time to prepare meat according to all the kashrus requirements, so you think I would be lenient?! ... there are many leniencies, however, I chose to be stringent, as I want to accept the Torah with joy and want to keep it on the highest level. Just like you are eating milk because of Kabbolas HaTorah, I am refraining because of Kabbolas HaTorah.”
If her children and husband have seichel [common sense], they will answer: “True you are correct, and just like you don’t want to eat milky now because of a mitzvah, we also don’t want to eat milky now due to a mitzvah, as we want to fulfill the mitzvah of “kibbud eim” (and the for the husband “kavod ishto”), therefore, we want to eat meaty, and tomorrow we will eat the milky meal.” Hopefully everything will be ok, and the family will live happily ever after.
(Based on a Teshuvah of R’ Yitzchok Zilberstein, cited in Divrei Chemed, Gilyon 30).
