Question: בסייעתא דשמיא Dear Rabbi Mandel, firstly, thank you. I listen to your shiurim and read your publication often, and it is a tremendous source of Chizuk for me; it helps me have more Bitachon, Menuchas HaNefesh, and Simcha. I was wondering and hoping you can help me. I'm waiting to find a job for a while already. I keep being M’chazek myself with Emuna & Bitachon (listening to “A Life with Bitachon”, reading Bitachon Weekly, The SpringHill Times...). I also tried implementing things I've heard and learned (like saying “Aderaba”, being positive even if the Yeshua did not yet come, sitting down and thanking Hashem for the Yeshua as if it already arrived, and making chocolate parties...) but so far nothing has helped. How am I supposed to view this? I'm trying really hard to accept that if this is what Hashem is sending me, it must be the best for me, but then I feel like something is wrong with me because Bitachon works, and if it's not working for me, then maybe something is wrong with me or I'm doing something wrong.
Now, I know and strongly believe that Hashem can really do everything and anything, and my Yeshua can come even before I finish writing and sending this email. But so far, and for a long time already, it seems like this is the plan Hashem has for me for the time being. Sometimes I feel so crazy, because I listen to Bitachon stories all day, and there are so many of them where people were Zoche to see Yeshuos L’maala Mi’derech HaTevah. And here I am, still waiting after trying so many things. Maybe if this story is publicized, it will give Chizuk to other people as well, that not every story ends the way we want it to (yet).
I'm trying very hard to stay positive and hopeful, but it is so, so hard. And as time goes on, I'm feeling more and more "worn out", and getting restless & anxious. And then I feel all guilty, because if Hashem is taking care of me and this is what's happening, then it must be for my very best, even if I don't see it. But it's so, so hard. (And I'm scared that when the Yeshua will come, I'm going to feel guilty that I couldn't be calm and positive and hopeful all the time). I learned that it's important to have a Rebbi, and I would like to get clarity on all of this. How should I be dealing with all these feelings?
Answer:
Forget about Bitachon. The biggest Bitachon is to realize that you aren’t the boss in your life. You aren’t in charge, and you don’t have to get anything; be happy with little. Live with the realization that you have no say in your life, and someone else is running it. Of course, you do have a say if you work on Bitachon; but if it’s not working for you, then this is what you must do. Just give it up. You can be strong and be a: הָ עַ קְ שָ ן יַצְ לִ יחַ “stubborn one who will be Matzliach”, but I don’t know if you’re up to doing that. Accept your situation, that’s much healthier.
People don’t realize that they shoulder a burden that’s much bigger than themselves. They think that they are in charge of their lives. Yaakov Avinu got everything in life that he didn’t want. He got Leah instead of Rachel, and so did Dovid. So you shouldn’t be concerned or care so much. So you don’t succeed, so what? Who cares! Be a nobody, so what. We are all a bunch of nobody’s anyway. Even the successful people have stresses you don’t want to hear about. Accept and don’t worry!! You need a different type of Bitachon; i.e., the accepting type. You are too stressed with your Bitachon. Bitachon means relaxed, where you don’t care what happens; THEN it works. If you care, that’s not Bitachon; it’s stress, the opposite of Bitachon.
Bitachon is supposed to make you relaxed. So obviously you need a different Bitachon. The Nesivos Shalom says that sometimes people go on a narrow bridge, if they aren’t afraid of falling, THEN they don’t fall. That’s how Bitachon works; if you aren’t afraid of not making it, then you make it. When you don’t care, then you succeed. When you say bad is also good. There is no “must” on anything. Don’t make Olam HaZeh into an Ikar. So you fail, everyone fails. If you are happy with your failure, then you are a real success.
You can submit your questions to Rabbi Mandel by emailing them to [email protected]
