Cancelling the Shidduch Due to Lack of Gifts
The Shu”t Noda B’Yehudah (Mahadurah Tinyona, Yoreh Deah 204, from the son of the Mechaber) is mechadesh that if the chosan doesn’t act like the custom of other chasanim and he doesn’t write any letters to his kallah for a long time, or he doesn’t give the gifts that he promised at the time of the tanoim, the kallah has the zechus to cancel the shidduch and there is no cherem [ban] against doing so.
He explains that when the chosan alienates himself from his kallah, and doesn’t act כמשוש חתן על כלה – the way that a chosan and kallah are supposed to rejoice with each other, it is obvious that she has good reason to hate him and has grounds to call off the shidduch.
The Kuntros Mili Debei Hilula (Perek 5, ois 11) brings down that for the gifts that a chosan gives to the kallah and vice versa, a father is obligated to pay for them due to the din of להשיאו אשה, the din that a father must help his son find a wife, similar to all the other expenses related to marriage.
Some want to be mechadesh that if one side doesn’t want to give gifts, Beis Din can force them to give what is customary, as they agreed to get married based on this presumption, and unless they clearly stipulated from the outset that they aren’t giving such gifts, then they are obligated to act like everyone else.
