24:4 “כי אל ארצי ואל מולדתי תלך ולקחת אשה לבני ליצחק” “Rather, to my land and to my birthplace shall you go and take a wife for my son, Yitzchok.” Why does Avrohom want a girl from his land and his birthplace? What is even more perplexing is why did he want from there – when they were known to be exceedingly wicked? Why not take from the daughters of Aner, Eshkol, and Mamre – who were not Kna’anim?
Shlomo Hamelech wrote in Koheles 7:28 “אדם אחד מאלף מצא־תי ואשה בכל אלה לא מצאתי” – “I found only one human being in a thousand, and the one I found among so many was never a woman.” If a person acquires a good friend for many years, if he thinks that perhaps he can leave this friend and find another person who will be even better than this first friend – he can seek him out, for it is possible that this will occur. However, if a man is married to a woman for many years, and then he decides that perhaps he should divorce her, and he will find a woman who his more righteous and better than his first wife, that will not happen – he will not find such a woman. When a man marries a woman, every person takes his בת זוג, the mate which was meant for him. Since she is meant to be his mate, she is worthy and righteous for him, both in her middos, and in everything that she does, which is a connection between him and her. They are to blend together, their middos along with everything else, and are to work together. Thus, if after many years he decides that he wants to seek out a better wife, he will not accomplish this, for the second wife will not be his בת זוג and she will not be the right fit for him.
Avrohom Avinu felt through Ruach hakodesh that the mate for Yitzchok was from his mishapacha and his birthplace. Specifically, because right after the akeidah, he was informed that Rivkah was born to Besuel at that time. He deduced that the reason he was told about her birth must have been because she was to be Yitzchok’s wife. Being that she was his בת זוג, she obviously had the proper middos and everything else for Yitzchok. Thus, even if in theory he were to have found a more righteous individual by Aner, Eshkol, or anywhere else for that matter, it still wouldn’t be the correct shidduch for Yitzchok – she would not meld properly with Yitzchok. This is why Avrohom told Eliezer to specifically go to Haran to find a shidduch for Yitzchok. It didn’t matter that Rivka had a wicked brother, or father, for she was the one, she was the one worthy of marrying Yitzchok. What was most important for the shidduch? There are times that people get swept away in their looking for a shidduch; they are not focusing on the proper things which are needed. In searching for a shidduch, one must refine himself in his avodas Hashem – become a true “son” of Hakodosh Boruch Hu, and one must be mispalel for it. Tefillah is so important to every aspect of our lives. Tefillah can change the trajectory of our lives, and we must never stop davening for everything we need. May we be zoche to have all our Tefilos answered.
- RABBI YAKOV YOSEF SCHECHTER
