The Thrill of Achieving the Impossible
The Damage Caused by Excessive Hishtadlus
We have previously mentioned the Be’er Mayim Chayim teaching us that when we seek to attain something, we must do only the preliminary “planting” and then immediately step away—anything more is excessive and unnecessary, and only causes damage. We mentioned chinuch as an example: if we stand over our children too much, not allowing them the space to grow, we may cause damage rather than provide proper chinuch.
We also noted the yesod of the Sfas Emes, who says that if something isn’t bashert, no amount of hishtadlus will help. And if it is bashert, our excessive hishtadlus will cause it to come to us in a way that is unsustainable (as we learn from the story of ראובן ובני גד בני) and will be accompanied by aggravation.
The proper way is to distract and refocus from doing hishtadlus after we have done our initial part. When thoughts and temptations of hishtadlus come to us, we must strengthen ourselves with thoughts of emunah that the Ribbono shel Olam can do everything, and we can do nothing. We must do everything to distract ourselves—if necessary—anything to refrain from excessive hishtadlus.
The Pleasure of Attaining the Unattainable
Now, let us take another, deeper step:
Shlomo HaMelech tells us: ינעם סתרים ולחם ימתקו גנובים מים, stolen waters are sweeter and bread [eaten in] secret places is pleasing (Mishlei 9:17). The Gemara (Nedarim 91b) explains that a person who could have attained something in a permissible manner, but instead he achieved it in a forbidden manner, derives a special pleasure from this.
When a person succeeds in overcoming a great challenge that has been preventing him from attaining a goal, it brings him great satisfaction and a deep feeling of pleasure. He accomplished something that seemed to be beyond his abilities!
There are so many examples of this that we can all see in our own lives. Sometimes, we tell a person: “It’s impossible to get there! It’s just too difficult!” But this person will come over to you a short while later, grinning with self-satisfaction from ear to ear: “I was there,” he’ll announce. “But how did you do it?” we ask incredulously! “I found a way... I picked the lock... I crawled over the door...” he’ll say.
When Children Do the Opposite
Bachurim experience this pleasure when they sneak into the yeshivah’s kitchen on Friday nights for cholent—but adults do the exact same thing; we all feel a certain pleasure from achieving what we thought was impossible.
Sometimes, we call children to us, but they refuse to come. So, what do we do? We say, “I don’t allow you to come to me under any circumstances!” And then they come running.... When we want to see a habit that remains with us for life, we must only look at a two-year-old. The only difference between us is that adults are often good at concealing this middah.
Eliciting Hidden Abilities
Why indeed is it this way? What is behind this phenomenon? Why are “stolen waters” so pleasant?
Rav Eliyahu Dessler explains it in Michtav M’Eliyahu in a fascinating manner: When a person achieves the impossible, he derives pleasure from the fact that he has just given expression to talent and ability that was hidden within him. He’s amazed at himself; never having known that he even possessed these abilities! And this gives him satisfaction. “Wow! I can really do this! I have special abilities!”
Sometimes, a yeshivah will capitalize on this in an attempt to draw out the abilities of the bachurim. “This limud isn’t for everyone... this is a very difficult topic... it’s only for someone who can really do it.” This challenges the talmidim and capitalizes on their desire to see their own abilities expressed.
To Each His Own
We all experience this feeling whenever we accomplish something we thought impossible. The young bar mitzvah bachur feels amazing when he has managed to fast the entire day for the first time—and the same phenomenon plays out every time we accomplish a great feat, proving that we can do it. “No one could get to Meron on Lag BaOmer, but I made it... don’t ask, it’s a whole story.” This is the feeling of גנובים מים ימתקו.
People experience this pleasure—each according to his level of middos, yiras Shamayim, and personal nature. It can be used for forbidden things, chas v’shalom, and it can also be used for positive things. A person may use his abilities to fool others and obtain things from them illicitly. But even if we’re doing something proper and permissible, it’s still good to know where the pleasure originates.
Similarly, the “tremendous feelings of emotion” that people said they felt at kivrei tzaddikim during Corona—when no one else was able to go—likely stemmed from the “stolen waters” aspect.
The Joy of Business Class
Experts say that a great aspect of the pleasure of sitting in business class is because those passengers are in a separate section, different from the economy class passengers. Were the seats combined with economy—with all the conveniences of business class—it wouldn’t be as exciting. We can sit more comfortably at home, and there’s no turbulence..., yet people shell out thousands of extra dollars on business, because “my friend is in economy, and I’m among the privileged—where no one else may walk.” There’s a special pleasure in attaining something that no one else can.
Deriving Pleasure from Our Own Power Causes Damage
Excessive Hishtadlus Is Due to the Thrill of “Making It Happen”
This feeling of pleasure of גנובים מים is what drives people to engage in excessive hishtadlus. He wants to obtain something, and it’s just not going... he simply can’t attain it. So, the person decides that if it doesn’t work by force... it’ll go with even more force! “If it doesn’t happen, I’ll make it happen! You’ll see!” He invests kochos and energy. He toils. He stays up nights... until he indeed manages to make it happen. And now he feels the pleasure of the stolen waters. He wasn’t supposed to have this—but he managed to achieve the impossible.
Primary Pleasure
But the truth is that if this hadn’t been bashert for him, he wouldn’t have achieved it—no matter how much effort he has invested in it. And if he had attained it, he would very quickly have found out that it’s not good for him. If it’s not bashert, nothing will help.
In general, if a person obtained something after toiling for it, it means that he would have gotten it in any case—proof is in the fact that he received it. There’s no concept of “taking” on your own. If it’s not bashert, it’s impossible for us to take it.
But because he went on this excessive hishtadlus journey, he feels the satisfaction of having made things happen with his own two hands! In addition to having obtained what he wanted, he has a special pleasure from the fact that he did it through his own toil and grit. The primary pleasure that he feels comes from the fact that he overcame the obstacles that stood in his way. His friends also wanted what he got, but only he managed to make it happen.
Pushing Through the Deal
When we wish to shepherd parties through a business deal, we surely need to “plant,” as is the normal way of the world. This means “coldly” investing in an initial investment of toil. We present the deal to a prospective partner, we answer questions, we ensure a good presentation, and so forth. All these things fall into the category of “normal hishtadlus.”
But we all know when we have crossed the border between “planting” and excessive hishtadlus. That is when we see that the deal isn’t proceeding, and we begin sweating and pushing on all fronts... we don’t sleep at night, because we’re stressed. We want to push it over the finish line with our own ten fingers.
This has nothing to do with hishtadlus.
Now, if the deal does go through and he earns the dividends, it indicates that it would have happened in any case—and all of his toil was for naught. The only thing he gained from his hard work was the thrill of having, with his own two hands, made something happen that may not have happened! He feels the pleasure of having “pushed the deal through.”
The Danger of This Pleasure
This is a hazardous pleasure—because when we derive pleasure that isn’t from the הקדושה צד, it can be very dangerous. This person wasn’t satisfied with doing the planting; he couldn’t control himself, and he tried to obtain things on his own. This means that the pleasure comes from the kelipos. And this pleasure is addictive; once we have experienced it, we will want to experience it again and again—for our nefesh is constantly in search of pleasure. So, by engaging in the pursuit of this pleasure even once, this person has just weakened his power to choose in the future, because he’s beholden to his desire for pleasure. Indeed, this person won’t sit still for long—he’ll immediately look for the next deal that he can push through.
This is essentially the drive behind gambling addictions. This person once made a couple of hundred dollars by gambling, and then he proceeds to lose everything he has in the game. He has become addicted to thinking, “We can get free money. I must do it again.” The desire for pleasure makes us addicts, and it keeps us coming back for more, R”l.
Failures Are a Chessed from Hashem
It’s the very same thing in regard to hishtadlus. We feel such pleasure and thrill from our accomplishment that we want to experience it again—until we lose our free will, chas v’shalom. We become addicted to trying to obtain things on our own.
When the Ribbono shel Olam causes us to fail numerous times—after succeeding once—it’s the greatest Divine favor, for it enables us to begin living again. Slowly, we return to the basics—to emunah, davening, learning, and bitachon... the real pleasures in life. It stems from the great love that Hashem has for us. The Ribbono shel Olam says, “This isn’t a life. What are you doing?”
We must be cognizant that the “rush” that we feel from success that comes from toiling for something is really the thrill of ימתקו גנובים מים—and this is something to be avoided.
Drawing Pleasure from Waiting for Hashem’s Salvation
Searching for the Root of Pleasure
The Michtav m’Eliyahu continues, saying that every pleasure is really rooted in a spiritual source. The source of the pleasure of גנובים מים ימתקו, he says, is when a Yid overcomes his obstacles to attaining good things—drawing out his inner powers of kedushah.
We live in a world in which it is difficult to achieve spiritual gains. There’s an entire infrastructure of tumah that stands in the way, preventing us from advancing—and we must work mightily to break through. This plays out every time a Yid seeks to quell a bad middah or habit. He wishes to give more tzedakah or get up early to learn or be more vigilant in matters of kedushah, and so forth... it’s not easy, but when he eventually breaks through, the pleasure is immeasurable. This is the spiritual root of the pleasure of “stolen waters.”
Acquiring Deveikus
Parenthetically, it is worthwhile noting that in addition to the spiritual pleasure that we derive from overcoming our obstacles and impediments, there’s also a great acquisition of deveikus and spirituality that happens through this toil—for every acquisition happens through an exchange of payment, and ruchniyus is no different. In order to acquire something, we must give something.
When a person toils to break through the opposition of the yetzer hara, and he attains what he worked for—he has through this acquired deveikus b’Hashem. There was a barrier in his way, and he broke through. He previously couldn’t access Elokus, and he has managed it! This makes a tremendous kinyan of kirvas Elokim, and we become davuk in Hashem through this.
Attaining This Pleasure Through Bitachon
According to this, we can understand something incredible: When a person feels that by engaging in excessive hishtadlus, he will access the pleasure that comes from “stolen waters,” he should know that he can attain the same pleasure, and even more of it, by not engaging in this excessive hishtadlus!
An ehrlicher Yid resolves: “I have done my hishtadlus, my planting, and I refuse to continue to work hard on it.” He distracts himself from the hishtadlus. Every time thoughts come to his mind that things aren’t moving, he just davens again, and he distracts himself again. He strengthens his bitachon and moves on in life.
Later, when the Ribbono shel Olam sends the yehsuah, he will feel such spiritual pleasure—as though the mahn has rained down on him. He becomes so elated and elevated, never having dreamed that he’d ever attain such a level of bitachon. “I have heard that such things exist, but I managed to accomplish this successfully! I didn’t engage in excessive hishtadlus, and my salvation came anyway. It may not have come right away, I waited and waited, but when it finally came, I experienced the thrill—because I broke through the barriers of my spiritual impediments.
Pressing Buttons
Tosafos bring in various places in Shas that there are two types of עיון תפילה, searching and looking for the results of our davening. The wrong way is when we feel entitled to be helped immediately after we have davened. But there’s also a proper תפילה עיון—and this is when we meditate on our davening, we mean what we’re saying—but we don’t feel entitled for the tefillah to be accepted.
According to the yesod that we have outlined above, there’s a tremendous depth here: If a person expects that right after his davening, he should receive his yeshuah—he checks his phone immediately after davening to see whether someone called him.... He’s sure that the yeshuah will come today—and he’s unwilling to wait any longer. He’s practically announcing that he’s looking for the pleasure of גנובים; מים I did things, and they happened (even if those things he did happen to be his tefillos). He wants the instant gratification of pressing a button and for the results to appear.
Proper Prayer
How much better is it when a Yid davens, and then refocuses? He knows that he has planted the seeds through his davening, and he leaves the results for the Ribbono shel Olam to accomplish. As far as he’s concerned, salvation has already come—even if he may not know how and when it will come. He doesn’t need it to arrive immediately after his davening. He proceeds with calm and serenity.
When the yeshuah comes—even weeks or months later—this Yid feels a tremendous inner joy. “I fulfilled יהבך ה' על השלך, to cast my lot upon Hashem. I cast all my problems and worries onto Him, and He helped me.” This is the greatest feeling of גנובים מים—but from the kedushah angle!
Only Mortals Can Enjoy This Pleasure
With this yesod, we can understand what the Gemara relates regarding when Moshe Rabbeinu went up to Shamayim to receive the Torah, and the Malachim complained about this. Moshe Rabbeinu then challenged them: Do any of you engage in business or personal relationships?! Does jealousy or a yetzer hara exist for you?!
What he was essentially saying was: The purpose of the Torah is to experience the great pleasure that leads to deveikus b’Hashem. But to receive this pleasure, we must first break through the challenges and impediments that exist in this world—something the Malachim have no inkling about. They don’t have human emotions. They don’t feel jealousy or lust. How can they experience the pleasure of deveikus?! The Torah was given in a way that there are challenges to it, and we must break through those challenges, culminating in the great pleasure of deveikus. If the angels can’t experience the pitfalls and impediments, it makes no sense to give them the Torah.
The Better Pleasure
Thus, when we’re tempted to engage in excessive hishtadlus, when we seek to carry out our plans through our own efforts and might—because this gives us the pleasure of גנובים מים—we must remember that if we are patient, if we refocus after our planting, and if we insist on waiting for Hashem to help us, we will attain that very same thrill and pleasure of גנובים מים, but in a much deeper and more satisfying way, because it will stem from the הקדושה צד, bringing us spiritual acquisition and kirvas Elokim.
