A Joke With A Lesson
R’ Zechariah Wallerstein zt”l had a talmid who became a full baal teshuvah, went to learn in Eretz Yisroel, and slowly grew close to Chabad. He was doing very well and wanted to get married, but he called Rabbi Wallerstein with a big problem.
Someone had set up a shidduch with a good Chabad girl, but he had tattoos on his body and felt that if he told her, she would say no right away.
R’ Wallerstein said “Do not tell her right away. If things go well, wait until the last meeting and then share it. If then she will know who you really are and decide based on the real you.”
The last time they met, he said in a shaky voice, “I want to show you something.” He showed his arm which was covered with tattoos. “If you think this is bad, my other arm is even worse.”
She said, “Let me tell you something: the only tattoo I see is Hashem’s name in your soul. I never met such a spiritual person in my life.” Fast forward; married toiv.
That’s the lesson! The point is to look at the real heart of a person. This girl was very special and spiritual herself to appreciate and focus on his inner beauty and his greatness.
This connects to this week’s parshah:
Avraham knew that Rivkah’s father and brother were not the biggest tzaddikim, but Avraham still took her to marry Yitzchak because he knew what mattered most: to look for middos, and that she had.
R’ Aharon Leib Shteinman zt”l once said “if the avos were alive today, they would have a hard time in shidduchim and getting into schools, since they weren’t a perfect family – not all the siblings and parents were perfect!”
Remember what is really important to look for.
Someone came to the Chazon Ish zt”l and asked, “Who do we call for information when it comes to shidduchim?”
There’s no point. If you call their good friends, they will only say good things about them. If you speak to those who aren’t close friends, then they will not say such kind things!”
The Chazon Ish said, “If it’s the right shidduch, Hashem will make sure you only hear from the good friends; if it’s not the right one, Hashem will make sure you hear not such good things from the other friends.”
That’s the lesson! 1) Shidduchim are all arranged from Hashem; you can take off the pressure from your shoulders, but keep davening, that’s on you.
2) Hashem arranges everything in life; who you meet, who you know, where you live, where you learn, even the neighbor who lives right next to you. Accept it, grow from it, and trust that where you are is for a reason, and be your best.
This connects to this week’s parshah:
Hashem waits for the perfect moment and the right time. Yitzchak Avinu was almost 40 years old and wasn’t married yet, you see if you think about it, when Yitzchak was 37 that’s when his wife, Rivkah was born. All in the exact perfect time, masterly planned.
What type of boy are you looking for? The shadchan asked.
“I’m looking for a boy with perfect teeth, tall and good-looking, funny yet serious, who learns Torah all day and night but also makes money on the side. He is always on time but never rushes and…”
The shadchan smiled and said. “Actually, I have the perfect shidduch for you.”
“Really? Who?”
“Well… there’s a small problem,” said the shadchan.
“What is it?”
“You just described 11 different type of people…”
That’s the lesson! R’ Avraham Pam zt”l said many times that one can’t find their shidduch because they’re not even sure what they are looking for.
Yossi was in shidduchim for a very long time and kept saying “No” to every shidduch because, in his eyes, he was the “top bachur.”
The shadchan told him, “Maybe you should learn some mussar about being humble. It’s not just for shidduchim, it’s for life too.” Yossi agreed to try.
A few months later, the shadchan suggested a shidduch, but Yossi was pickier than before and said, “No way.”
The shadchan asked, “Didn’t you learn every day to be more humble?”
“Of course I learned! And now I’m not only a top bachur, but a top bachur that’s humble too…”
That’s the lesson! The Steipler zt”l said one shouldn’t be too picky, because one can lose their shidduch. Maybe the Steipler zt”l meant that being picky is like missing your exit on the highway; you can still arrive at your destination, but it will now take much longer.
Shidduch INFO
Big Shidduch Problem.
