The Skillful Shadchan
Rabbi Yisroel Reisman
Parshas Chayei Sarah is a very special Parsha about the extraordinary shadchan Eliezer. The greatest question that I ever heard on this Parsha was the question how many times does Eliezer’s name appear in Parshas Chayei Sarah? What is incredible is that the answer is zero. Constantly Eliezer is called eved Avraham.
A good shadchan acts only on behalf of the people involved. There is no “zich,” there is no “myself” to his actions. And now let’s see what we could learn from this week’s parsha.
Let me begin by pointing out a very significant difference between the language that Avraham Avinu uses when he tells Eliezer to go to Haran, and Eliezer’s language later on. In the beginning of the parsha in 24:4 we find that Avraham Avinu says to Eliezer" I want you to take a wife for my son, for Yitzchok.” It is a double lashon. Why “for my son, for Yitzchok”?
Later on, Eliezer retells what his master commanded him to do. He says in posuk 38 “take a wife for my son” and he doesn’t say “for Yitzchok.” Why does he leave out “for Yitzchok?” The Bais Halevi has a wonderful pshat.
As the Bais Halevi explains, Avraham Avinu said get a wife “for my son, for Yitzchok.” When you look for a shidduch, it has to match two things; it has to match the family, and it has to match the bochur himself. So when you look for a shidduch for Yitzchok, Avraham said, look for two things: it should match me, and it should match Yitzchok. Now that explains the double lashon of Avraham, but it doesn’t explain why Eliezer didn’t repeat the double lashon.
The Bais Halevi says that he once had a rich man who came to ask for a shidduch for his daughter. This man said to him that I want someone who is the son of a Rosh Yeshiva, the son of a talmid chochom, the son of a chashuve person. The Bais Halevi realized, in talking to this man, that the man wanted the family to be chashuv but he didn’t want the son himself to be a Rosh Yeshiva; he wanted the son to go out and take over his business, make money, and become a millionaire. To this ashir it was important that the son come from a chashuve family, but that the son should be a talmid chochom? That the rich man wasn’t interested in.
The Bais Halevi says that now he understands what happened in Haran. It was very important to Besuel that the shidduch for his daughter should come from a chashuve mishpacha. But that the son should be someone who sits and learns? That wasn’t important. So Eliezer, the trusted and skillful shadchan, said to himself “When I repeat my instructions, let me repeat it this way: chashuve mishpacha – that I’ll say. But that the son Yitzchok will himself be chashuve? That wouldn’t be important to Besuel and to Lavan. I’ll skip that.”
What a diyyuk in the pesukim!
