The rulers therefore say, “Come to Cheshbon.” (Bemidbar 21:21)
R. Shmuel bar Nachmani said in the name of R. Yochanan: What is meant by the verse, “The rulers therefore say, ‘Come to Cheshbon’”? These “rulers” refer to those who rule over their own yetzer hara. They say: “Come and make an accounting — let us weigh the loss of a mitzvah against its reward, and the gain of a sin against its loss.” (Bava Basra 78b)
Big Business
Chazal teach that we should make a frequent cheshbon hanefesh, an accounting of our spiritual state. This is so we will know where we are standing in our avodas Hashem.
The Mesilas Yesharim expanded on this idea and explained it:
This is the principle: A person must examine all his deeds and pay attention to all his ways, so he won’t allow himself a bad habit or negative character trait, and certainly not a sin or iniquity.
I see a need for a person to check and weigh his ways every single day, like great merchants who continually check all their business dealings so they won’t go bad. A person should set specific times for this, so his accounting won’t be incidental but rather very regular and fixed, because its consequences are immense.
Chazal expressly taught us the necessity of making this accounting: “So say those who rule over their evil impulse, “Come and make the accounting of eternal significance. Consider the loss involved in doing a mitzvah against the reward, and the gain of a sin against its cost.”
This is because a truly effective methodology cannot be given, and cannot even be seen, by anyone other than those who have already broken free of their evil inclination and gained control over it. For as long as a person is still imprisoned by his evil inclination, he is incapable of even seeing this truth. He cannot recognize it. Because the evil inclination actually blinds him. He is like someone walking in the dark, before whom there are obstacles that he cannot see.
The Ramchal taught us here that cheshbon hanefesh, soul-accounting, is an amazing method to follow. Only a perfected person can even know about it.
And indeed, Chazal use the phrase “a master of account-making.” This refers to someone who makes a cheshbon nefesh for himself every day before he goes to sleep. He considers where he is holding in the world of Hakadosh Baruch Hu. There are several reasons for doing this.
One reason is what the Mesilas Yesharim described in his analogy of great merchants. These merchants are constantly reviewing their accounts, checking and rechecking, so they don’t suffer a loss in their business. The reason is simple: they care how their business is doing.
At first glance, it seems that when a merchant sits in his shop and works at his business, he is bringing in profit. He is being productive. Whereas if he spends time going over his accounts, it looks like wasted time. No profit came in. Similarly, Torah learning is productive. You can point to a finished daf of Gemara. But to sit quietly and reflect on yourself? To just sit and examine your spiritual state? It seems like wasting time.
But only a small storeowner could think this way, someone who doesn’t have the correct outlook on how to really get ahead in business. He might think it’s a waste, so he doesn’t spend his time on it.
But big businessmen understand how crucial it is.
There is a saying that everyone is smart when it comes to his own affairs. If a person has a business, if he cares about the money he invested, he knows that the secret is making an accounting. It is the right strategy. It is a secret, it’s not so obvious, because it looks like a waste of time, but if you have a business, you will discover the secret. You will realize how very beneficial it is to check the inventory and the balance and your profit margin on a daily basis.
If You Care, Hashem Cares
There is another key point involved with weighing one’s deeds. It shows that you care. And this is very important, because all your siyata dishmaya depends on it. And all your success comes from that siyata dishmaya. We need to know that siyata dishmaya is granted mainly to those who care about their spiritual actions.
As Chazal say, “The Heavenly kingdom is like the earthly kingdom,” meaning that what happens up above in Heaven, and down here below, has a strong correspondence. Now, there is nothing that brings hearts closer to one another than showing that you care, and sharing in another’s pain. We all know that in interpersonal relations, and in family life, the most important thing is caring about the other, caring about the home and how things are going in it. Indifference is the most aggravating and alienating thing.
Let’s say a person falls down and gets hurt, and his or her spouse is indifferent, doesn’t even care that the person is in pain. This is very alienating and destructive to a relationship.
When a person sits and reflects on his spiritual deeds, the first thing is that he thereby shows Hashem that he cares about the “business” of Torah and mitzvos. It is his “business,” and like in any business, he wants to know what’s going on. How it’s running, whether he’s losing or gaining and what’s the picture. And if he sees he’s losing, he looks for strategies to turn the situation around. That’s how you run a business you care about.
Indifference, not caring about things, is the root of a person’s downfall. The very first thing is he needs to care. It needs to hurt him. When a person suffers, even if it is physical suffering, will find a solution to the problem. He will be motivated.
As far as siyata d’Shmaya is concerned, when a person cares about ruchniyus, and his spiritual state pains him, when he cares about the fact that he doesn’t daven properly, and doesn’t learn enough Torah, then he has a relationship with Hakadosh Baruch Hu. And this will bring him siyata d’Shamaya.
There is a concept called נושא בעול עם חבירו – sharing a friend’s burden. When a person cares about his friend, it expresses itself in times of joy, but even more in times of trouble. In happy times, the caring is a lot more superficial. Everyone dances at a chasunah. But sharing in a friend’s pain shows much deeper relationship.
When we come to the days of bein hametzarim, we talk about this phenomenon. At a wedding, you can’t tell who the groom’s relatives are just by looking at who dances. Because even casual acquaintances dance at a wedding. But at a funeral, only relatives cry. Caring in a time of sorrow shows true closeness, true relationship.
When a person cares about his spiritual state, and checks himself, and wants to know what is happening with himself, that is of course an effective method of improving himself, as the Ramchal says, but it is more than that. It is a tremendous and wondrous segulah, and surely brings down siyata d’Shmaya.
The Zohar emphasizes what a great matter this is, to be a מריה דחושבנא, a “master of account-making.” When a person thinks about what happened during the course of the day, he thereby shows that he cares where he is standing in his ruchniyus. Just sitting and thinking about it shows that his heart is close to Hashem, and this itself is a powerful segulah to bring siyata d’Shmaya.
It’s not a waste of time at all. It is a demonstration of wondrous closeness to Hakadosh Baruch Hu. When a person sits down to learn a Mussar sefer because he has a certain problem, he often doesn’t see the benefit from this learning. People claim that learning Mussar doesn’t help. Even if this were true, the very fact that a person cares, and does something about it, makes an effort – even if what he does is futile, practically speaking, it brings wondrous siyata d’Shmaya. “One who comes to purify himself is assisted by Heaven.” It is a very simple thing. Someone who is indifferent will be left to be just like he is. Someone who cares will be helped from Heaven.
This is one of the answers to those who claim that learning Mussar doesn’t help them. It’s no different from tefillah. There are times when a person davens and feels like it’s not helping. But the truth is that if you daven, Hashem will certainly answer. You just don’t always know exactly how the answer will come.
The same is true with learning Mussar. If you learn Mussar, and try to battle the Yetzer Hara, your efforts will bring you siyata d’Shmaya in other areas.
