Now one of the most prevalent dimyonos that plague people is the thought that we would be better off, more successful, if only we were in a different situation. If only! If only I was living over there in my neighbor’s house. If only I had a better career, a better boss, more money. If only I had my friend’s head or more time. All types of arguments the yetzer hara gives, that make us think our situation is not what is best for us. And most of mankind – when I say most, I mean the vast majority of people – are not as successful as they could be because of this yetzer.
So here’s a boy in Flatbush and he’s thinking, “If only I had a different set of parents, then I could be successful. But with such parents, who can get along?!” He’s not thinking about Hawaii or the Amazon; but his eyes are still b’ktzei haaretz, somewhere else, over the horizon. And then when he’s married, “If I had married a different woman, it would have been much better.”
An Empty Dream
I had that last week. A woman calls me on the phone and says, “If I had a different mother-in-law, then I could live a normal life; then I’d be able to succeed.” Again and again, it’s the same yetzer. And it’s all a delusion; a chalom, an empty dream. It’s this snake that is disguising himself in people’s thoughts, encouraging them to look around in other places for imaginary opportunities.
That’s why when you’re sitting in the yeshiva and learning, everything outside becomes glamorous. The yeshiva man is sitting in front of his Gemara and the thought creeps into his head, “Out there in the ball park, that’s where I could be successful.” Or, “I’d be happier if I was in the theatre now.” And the woman in her little humble apartment, she’s cooking supper for her big family and the yetzer hara is crawling in the kitchen, in her mind, trying to bite her: “If only I could be working in a big office, like my cousin in Manhattan, doing something important.”
And so we have to lift up the nachash and say, “Ah nechtigeh tug! Your unmarried working cousin in Manhattan, what does she have? A barren existence.” Don't deceive yourself. A woman is not satisfied by being, let's say, an executive in a business. It's all fake. She’s sitting in her office not fulfilling her purpose as a mother, not fulfilling her purpose of making a home. Her home is nothing but an apartment on the West Side. She comes home at night to a lonely apartment and she’s thinking, “This is what I was created for?” She puts up a bluff, but she is dissatisfied.
Men Are Not Women
A woman has a nature and a man has a nature, and each nature has to be fulfilled according to its own criteria. A woman's nature is most fully fulfilled when she has a family – by means of her children, that's where all the characteristics that are stored up within the depth of her nature come to the surface. She is full of chessed, of giving, and her greatness and perfection are most accentuated in the home. And so the woman cooking for her family has to unmask the yetzer and know that the most glamorous place is right there in front of the oven.
And the yeshiva man thinking about the movies? It’s a delusion! Why do people go to the theater at night? Because they aren’t satisfied at home. If you see a man running out to the grocery at ten o’clock at night to buy eggs, does it mean he has eggs at home? No, it means he needs something; he’s lacking something. So he goes outside and pays money for a movie. But what is it? A delusion; it’s all sheker. The story never happened; it was all imagination.
He walks out into the dark street, and now the lights are out and the actors are no longer there. “I gave away my money for nothing. I wasted three hours for nothing.” Even though they won’t say it, they feel it; they feel that it’s an empty life and they have to continue searching for something better. And so the yeshiva man must know that the place that is most glamorous is right here in the yeshiva! He is living life!
Catching Snakes
Only that the yetzer hara is crawling in our minds trying to bite – he’s disguised in your thoughts – and therefore we have to spend our lives unmasking the nachash and telling ourselves, telling others, “Look! It’s nothing! It’s sheker!” You know, the United States Government knows that they have foreign spies even in their intelligence department. They know that. A few years ago the head of the CIA said that we have snakes, poisonous snakes, in our own government. Those were his words – “poisonous snakes”. So what do they do? They're always on the alert; they employ stratagems in order to unmask them.
And that’s what we have to do too. We have to be on guard always; always with strategies. And what’s the first strategy we employ? ס≈נ לַﬠ ֹו ֹ̇ו‡ יםƒׂ ̆ – Let yourself know that it’s dimyon, that it’s a mirage. When you do that, you learn the wiles of the yetzer hara and you are able to protect yourself against it.
Too Late to Accomplish
Now, it’s a rachmanus on those who didn’t come here tonight – they won’t know about it. Maybe they’ll hear about it in other places. I hope so. But if not, if you don’t raise up this sheker on a pole and recognize these thoughts as nothing but a snake looking to bite you, it’s a tragedy. Because you know when you’ll discover the truth? When it’s too late – just before you enter the door of Yereim Chapel in a hundred and twenty years from now. They’ll open the back of the car and roll you out in the hearse and you’ll look back at the world and you’ll kick yourself. “What was I thinking?! I missed out on the opportunity in this world. I was looking here and there while my opportunity was exactly where Hashem placed me; on my block, in my home, in my kitchen, at my job, in my yeshiva, with my parents, my husband and my mother in law.” But it’s too late now. They’re taking you to the cemetery already.
People’s lives are being wasted away because of their hankering for somewhere else, something else, when actually there’s so much to accomplish right here. You can learn how to daven. You think that's a small accomplishment? Very few people have learned how to daven. Here’s a yeshiva man standing in front of the bulletin board reading the announcements on the bulletin board and he’s shaking. He’s looking at the bulletin board or picking his nose, and he’s saying the words. And even the better ones, the fact that you come to the synagogue and you say a certain nigun and you sway in a certain way and you're superficially tickled with inspiration is nothing at all, or next to nothing.
You have to train yourself to understand what you're saying. Otherwise many spend their entire lives praying every morning and they are entirely unaware of what they’re saying. You must put in time to learn tefillah. You must put in effort. Tefillah is described in the Gemara as ל∆ׁ ̆ ֹמוּרו¿ּב יםƒ„¿מֹעוָה יםƒרָב¿ּ„םָלֹעו – something that stand at the top of the world. Which means that it is one of the most important achievements in our lives. And you can’t do that if you’re living always with dimyonos.
Deeds and Kindness
Also to do mitzvos as much as you can. This life that you were given, that’s the one opportunity you’ll have. In the Next World, no more mitzvos to do. There are achievements also that you have to accomplish in the field of helping people. Now if you're learning Torah and others are available to help you're not mechuyav to help. But if you want to spend your time on chessed there's so much to be done. Many deeds are waiting to be done. People have to be saved from destruction. They're ruining their lives. All around us, men and women, boys and girls, have to be saved. It's the greatest kindliness to help them out of the pit into which they have fallen.
To do kindness to people is one of the great functions of life and it’s available wherever you are. To help people. To encourage people. To smile at people. To be friendly to the world. And to encourage them and to advise them. It’s a very great function of a man and Hakadosh Baruch Hu looks with favor on such a man because that's Hakadosh Baruch Hu's shaliach, His messenger.
Drive Safely!
Now, all these things take a mind, an uncluttered mind. But when people are busy with everything else except these things – sometimes they do a little bit of this and a little bit of that, but their lives are being spent chasing around, running after mirages, will o' the wisps, things that don't exist. It takes a mind to accomplish and a mind filled with dimyonos is not available for that.
Imagine a man is driving on a highway. So if he’s a responsible driver, his eyes are not wandering. He is looking straight ahead on the road. It’s only if you keep your eyes on the road in front of you instead of looking far out to the ends of the earth, that’s how you’ll accomplish while you’re driving on the highway of life. That’s what Mishlei tells us in that possuk about the fool who’s always looking somewhere else. הָמ¿כָח יןƒב≈מ י≈נ¿ּפ ̇∆‡ – In front of the understanding man there is chochmah (17:24). Which means he's focused on what’s before him, all the opportunities to gain wisdom, to be successful, that are laid out for him in his own daled amos.
ילƒס¿ּכ י≈ינ≈ﬠ¿ו – But where are the eyes of the fool? ı∆רָ‡ָה ה≈ˆ¿ ̃ƒּב – He’s staring over there at far off landscapes and horizons. The one who’s fooled by the yetzer, he’s looking around, looking everywhere except where he should look. In front of him he's not looking and therefore he comes to disaster. When you don’t keep your eyes on the road of course there’s going to be a crash-up sooner or later.
Focus on the Goal
Wherever you are, whatever road Hakadosh Baruch Hu chose for you, that’s exactly where you belong. Now, I’m not saying a person shouldn’t try to get a leg up in life, that he shouldn’t try to better his situation, but wherever you do find yourself, forget about someplace better. Go ahead! Of course, do what's necessary. Be sensible. But outside of doing what's necessary don't let anything distract you from your purpose in life.
That’s what they used to tell a man who was leaving the yeshiva in the olden days of the Gemara. His fellow yeshiva men gave him a brachah and they used to say ך¿ּ„¿‚∆נּרו¿ּׁ ̆יƒיָיך∆ּפַﬠ¿פַﬠ – Your eyes should look straight ahead (Brachos 17a). On the path of life, look straight ahead. Don't let your eyes wander.
ּרוּו ָ̇ ̇ ‡ֹלם∆יכ≈ינ≈ﬠ י≈רֲחַ‡¿ו ם∆כ¿בַב¿ל י≈רֲחַ‡ – You shouldn't spy out what's doing over here and what's doing over there (Bamidbar 15:39).
That’s what the Mesillas Yesharim tells us at the beginning of his sefer. He says a man should know to what he should put ֹו ָּ̇מַ‚¿מּו ֹטוָּבַמ, יוָּיַח י≈מ¿י לָּכ – all the days of his life. Always he should be focusing towards one point. What are you aiming for? To serve Hashem, Olam Haba, shleimus.
And the yetzer hara wants to upend that. He wants you to look elsewhere, to look everywhere else but here. That’s what Rav Yisrael means that the world is a sea where there are big waves of dimyon, of imagination, buffeting us to and fro and we have to do whatever we can that we shouldn't be drowned in this ocean of imagination. And the first step is to listen to the advice of the One who knows best, the advice that Hakadosh Baruch Hu gives us in our sedrah: ס≈נ לַﬠ ֹו ֹ̇‡ יםׂƒ ̆ – expose the yetzer by lifting it up from where it’s hidden and exposing the sheker, the disguise, that he fools us with.
Have a Wonderful Shabbos
