The Medrash brings a passuk referring to the Parah Adumah. דחא אל אמטמ רוהט ןתי ימ (Iyuv 14,4). Chazal comment
כגון אברהם מתרח, חזקיהו מאחז, מרדכי משמעי, ישראל מאומות העולם, העוה"ב מן העוה"ז, מי עשה םלוע לש ודיחי אל ,ןכ רזג ימ ןכ הוצ ימ ןכ
Who but Hashem can bring about that a tamei individual after coming in contact with a corpse can suddenly transform into a tahor through the sprinkling of holy water made with the ashes of the Parah Adumah, even though the sprinkler himself who was previously tahor now becomes tamei. Who but Hashem can bring about an Avraham Avinu who was the son of an idolatry worshipper yet rose to become the Father of Am Yisrael and a Merkavah to the Shechina. Only Hashem who created and sustains everything has the ability to change every reality into a totally different one which He desires even though it is beyond human comprehension. (Koheles 7,23) אמרתי אחכמה והיא רחוקה ממני.
One of the early Slonimer Rebbes darshined this Medrash in a novel fashion by which one can draw strength and fortitude to change himself and correct his negative challenging middos. מי יתן טהור מטמא if one finds himself stuck in a rut of tumah hindering him to rise and go forwards with a particular choli hanefesh, the advice given from this Medrash is לא אחד to make the resolve that you will never do this again not even once. From this moment onwards the choice to fall into this yetzer harah trap once again is not an option and does not exist. You have cut out the spiritual cancer within you and succumbing to the seduction to fall again has become abhorring and painful. To use the vernacular one must use a decisive conduct called "Cold Turkey" an unpleasant cessation. Once you clarified this in your thoughts with no ifs or buts, and you make safeguards and you reward yourself after every successful test, the siyata dishmaya you'll receive from your ratzon to change, will be deeply felt within you.
לא אחד is gematriah דם blood. The Nefesh Habehamis is in the blood as it is written םדה יכ הוא הנפש. It is this nefesh that drives one to transgress the will of Hashem. That is why when one offers an atonement Korban for particular aveiros, the major part of the atonement is the sprinkling of the blood on the mizbaiach for it was the nefesh in the blood that drove you to transgress.
After one's decision never to let himself fall again in this particular aveirah, he must also strengthen his commitment with tefillah to Hashem for siyata dishmaya. This is hinted in the words דחא אל which follows the first interpretation, Isn't Hashem the Only One who could help make that seemingly "impossible" lasting change. Take a look at the gematria of םד including its filler letters םמ תילד which with the kollel adds up to . הליפת It is through the power of tefillah supplication for Hashem's aid in overcoming a particular shortcoming, that can make one achieve his goal.
When one is going through a yeridah, he is in the category of חול the profane, which is gematriah דם. The opposite is true when he demonstrates self control over his Nefesh Habehamis for then he transfers from a state of חול to המקדש the place and source of kedusha. This transfer from a state of חול to המקדש is hinted in the spelling of חול with its inner letters מדות which add up to המקדש with the kollel. We see from this that change has a built in potential within everyone who is given the ability to fulfill ועשו לי מקדש, even if his life up until now was purely one of לוח and .דם In order for one to build המקדש in one's heart he must refine and take charge of his תודמ situated in his heart as seen in the gematriah of the filler letters of לב (heart) which are ,תמיד עה"כ which is same gematriah of המדות.
The gemarah in Kiddushin 31 relates a story of a goy fulfilling the mitzvah of honoring one's father in a very outstanding fashion and received the reward of a Para Aduma being born in his cattle which he sold to Yidden who were at that time seeking one.
שאלו את ר' אליעזר עד היכן כיבוד אב ואם אמר להם צאו וראו מה עשה עובד כוכבים אחד לאביו ןולקשאב ודמא בן נתינה שמו בקשו ממנו חכמים אבנים לאפוד רכש אוביר םיששב אוביר םינומשב ינתמ אנהכ ברו והיה מפתח מונח תחת מראשותיו של אביו ולא ציערו לשנה האחרת נתן הקדוש ברוך הוא שכרו שנולדה לו המודא הרפ בעדרו נכנסו חכמי ישראל אצלו אמר להם יודע אני בכם שאם אני מבקש מכם כל ממון שבעולם אתם נותנין לי אלא אין אני מבקש מכם אלא אותו ממון שהפסדתי בשביל כבוד אבא
Go out and see a story about an exemplary fulfillment of kibbud Av can be seen from a gentile in Ashkelon and his name was Dama. The Chachmim wanted to buy stones for the Aifod from him and they were willing to pay 600,000 gold dinars. However the key to the chest that contained the precious stones was lying under his father's pillow while he was sleeping and Dama did not disturb him. The next year Hashem gave Dama a reward and a Parah Adumah was born in his herd. The Chachamim went to purchase it from him. Dama said to them I know you that for this Parah you would pay any price I ask for. But I only will ask from you the amount of money that I lost as result of honoring my father.
A few questions can be asked concerning this story taught by Chazal. What is so significant about this gentile that his name had to be mentioned with the name of his city in which he lived together with the story? Why is there such a stress for us to know not only his name but also his yichus that his father's name was called נתינה? Furthermore, what was the midah keneged midah that Hashem rewarded him with a Parah Aduma as a payback for not waking up his father?
Chazal do not merely mention this story to teach the incredible degree of Kibbud Av. We can learn that out from Aisav. In fact his kovod for his father was so beyond excellent that his conduct was a kitrug against Am Yisrael. The meforshim explain that this was the reason why when Yaakov took the berachos away from Aisav, Hashem orchestrated that Yaakov should enter Yitzchak's presence by being commanded by his mother who was informed by a Bas Kol to do so dressed in Aisav's clothing. For Yaakov who possessed the middah of ultimate emes, to masquerade as Aisav against his middah was as challenging as picking up a mountain. Yet he did it because his mother told him to do so. We see from here that because he took kibbud Aim to the highest degree, with this he blocked the kitrug from Aisav for his hijacking of the berachos.
Our Chachamim use a very emphatic lashon of וארו ואצ go out and see this example of Kidbbud Av. Are they suggesting that we should take a Chol Hamoaid trip to Ashkelon and visit the dwelling place where Dama and his father lived and where the Para Aduma was born? Rather they are suggesting that every detail of this story is a message and not mere trivia. "Go out" and leave the external story at hand and enter once again to analyze it more deeply and meticulously and you will "see" and uncover an inner message directed to Am Yisrael from a goy that will change your lives and relationship with Hashem forever.
How did Dama achieve such a lofty level of Kibbud Av that might have been even greater than Aisav's (Berieshis 27,5 Rashi). Hinted in his name דמא is the root wor . םד Whether to honor or not to dishonor his father, Dama was willing to do everything even if it meant to sacrifice his life source – blood for the cause. He unflinchingly forfeited a fortune of six hundred thousand gold dinarim just not to wake his father up to get the key placed under his pillow upon which he was sleeping. I'm sure his father would have been very overjoyed for such a one minute wakeup in order for his son to get the key to the chest to make this extraordinary sale. But Dama was so locked into this mitzvah that there was no profitable price that could beat his dedication to this mitzvah. With this righteousness for this mitzvah he was the ultimate giver of honor to his father and was called a ןב הניתנ , an individual who was purely a giver and not a taker at all.
His name is אמד which adds up to המ. This word is used to describe total bittul and subjugation to the fulfillment of Mitzvos. In last weeks Parsha Moshe described Aron as ןרהאו המ הוא כי תלינו עליו that he has the ultimate negation of himself to the service of Hashem and Am Yisrael. As far as this mitzvah of Kibbud Av he reached a level of a לא אחד which means he possessed such a devotion to the mitzvah that there was no way in the world that he would allow the slightest shortcoming in its fulfillment no matter how great the financial loss or debt that it would incur. That is why his name אמד is gematriah לא אחד עה"כ . The letters of his name also spell מאד which denotes extremism and the highest excellence. As we explained above to reach such a level of steadfastness in the fulfillment of a mitzvah one needs tefilla to Hashem for the strength to be faithful to the mitzvah not allowing for any slackness or leniency. This is also hinted in his father's name הניתנ which is gematriah הלפת.
Chazal say that the Chachamim came to buy םינבא for the דפא. The stones on the Aifod were those representing Yosef םהש. Yosef's madraigah was also a לא אחד as the Avnei Neizer interprets Yosef's dream Why use the double .קמה אלומתי וגם נצבה lashon that the sheaf of Yosef stood up and remained standing? He explains that Yosef never lost the madraiga that he was on as the Medrash says his produce never rotted. In other words Yosef was above time. This was also the madraigah of Dama concerning the mitzvah of Kibbud Av that he never moved an iota from his original iron clad dedication to fulfill Kibud Av 100%. He and Yosef shared together דחא אל.
Chazal explain that the word ןבא is a word that unifies אב בןand share the same letter ב. (Bereishis 49,24 Rashi). They were looking for two 'אבןs which were inanimate, and instead they found such a remarkable relationship between a father and his son that the son was so bound to the father that under no circumstance would he cause his father the slightest blemish of dishonor.
Now let's think what happened when his father woke up. Did Dama say with a cynical frown on his face "Dad, you made a rule that when you sleep you don't want to be disturbed. Well your sleep today was very expensive because it just cost us a loss of profit of 600,000 golden dinarim on a deal. That would have been the most natural reaction of a son. Here again his name דמא tells us the story. דום means to be silent. He did not whisper even a word about the financial lost opportunity of a lifetime. דמא in this mitzvah personified what it means to be an outstanding mentsch an אדם which also shares the same letters as ,דמא even not to give the tiniest innuendo of disappointment over the loss.
Interestingly even the name of the city אשקלון hints to the theme of this episode which led Dama to become the model for Kibbud Av even for Am Yisrael. Take the first four letters אש שקל. Fire has the nature to consume and get rid of a substance. שקל is money. Dama "burned" up 600000 in order not to disturb his father's sleeping. The last letters of אשקלון are לון which means sleeping. The word אש can also be interpreted as a fiery passion and enthusiasm. Because of Dama's passion for Kibbud Av he pushed away a tremendous amount of money in order not to wake up his father.
A second interpretation of the city Ashkelon in relationship to Dama is alluded to in the letters of אשלו from אש קלון with the four (letters) equals המודא הרפ. The letters נק of שאקלון means to lose money and property as the gemarah uses the lashon ול ןיאו. ויסכנמ יקָניצא יצא פלוני בהם הנאה של כלום )פסחים כב:(
If a goy could attain such an incredible level of deveikus to his father that he would do anything not to dishonor him, kal vechomer how much should a Yid do for his father in heaven to whom we are called His children, in order not to dishonor Him. The amount of money Dama forfeited not to dishonor his father was 600,000 the amount of Yidden who left Mitzrayim.
This alludes to us that this lesson of Kibbud Av is a teaching to be applied to Am Yisrael and their relationship with Hashem. We are called אדם therefore we can learn from אמד how our bittul should be towards Hashem's kovid. The Ben Yehodaah writes that his name דמא hints to this for it means that Klal Yisrael should be המוד to him by emulating the fulfillment of this mitzvah.
Now we can answer why Hashem gave Dama a Parah Aduma as a reward for his Kibbud Av. As we mentioned in the beginning of this mamar that the ashes of the Para Adumah had the power to change a person who became tamei meis by coming in contact with a corpse and made him tahor. .חרתמ םהרבא אמטמ רוהט ןתי ימ. How could it be that a goy who doesn't possess the neshamah of a Yid reach attain such a level of Kibbud Av and righteousness that even tzaddikim did not reach? Dama shared this same phenomenon with the power of Para Adumah that he was like an Avraham coming out of a Terach.
When one realizes that Hashem could make the impossible like the feat of the Para Adumah, He can definitely help one become a לא אחד individual who can say change in a way that he will never change the change he made.
Chazal give another example of natural phenomenon that gives results like the Parah Adumah. In (Nidah 9) דם נעקר ונעשה חלב that milk produced in the cows body results from blood that curdles. In essence milk should be forbidden like blood however at the end of the process it is kosher. The product parallels an םהרבא who transformed from a Terach. So too, דמא excelled and became the model for Am Yisrael in the mitzvah of Kibbud Av. The word נעכר is עה"כgematriah 340 the same as המודא הרפ for it too shares the same results as Para Aduma. With Hashem's help and our tefillos, we can transform our negative attributes into a positive Kiddush Shem Shemayim. If we will do teshuvah from ahava we can change the aveiros into mitzvos.
Gut Shabbos \ Rav Brazil
