...Continued from previous week
1) When visiting a grave, some have the custom to say “Yehi Ratzon Sh’tehey Menuchaso Shel Ploni Po B’Kavod U’Zechuso Ya’amod Li, May it be the will [of Hashem] that the resting of the person here be with dignity and may his/her merit be beneficial for me.” (Be’er Heitev Orach Chaim Siman 224:8)
The custom that people have to rip out some grass or pick up a stone and leave it on the Kever, is a show of respect to the one laying there, as it shows that people came to visit and pay their respect. (ibid. See also Shulchan Aruch Yoreh deah Siman 376: 4 and the commentaries there. and Aruch Hashulchan Yoreh deah 376:6)
While there it is proper to place one’s hand on the Kever. (ibid. The Arizal held that one should never go within 4 Amos of a grave, besides during the time of burial. See Mishna Berura Siman 559:41. The Vilna Gaon, in the Igeres HaGra, wrote that people should not go to cemeteries at all, especially women. The prevalent custom, however, is that we do in fact go to cemeteries, and do in fact go within 4 Amos and even touch the Kevarim. However, women while they are a Niddah customarily do not go. See Mishna Berurah Siman 88:7 and Bais Baruch to Chayei Adam Siman 3:38)
2) The hand that should be placed on the Kever is the left hand. (See Kaf HaChaim Siman 224:42. The reason for this is kabalistic.)
There is no difference between left handed and right handed people regarding this, and both should only place their left hand on a Kever. (See Shu”t Be’er Moshe Vol. 2 Siman 5:11b)
It is important to remember when davening at a grave, especially that of a great Tzadik, to be extremely careful not to Chas V’Shalom pray “to” the Tzadik.
Rather, we Jews only pray to Hashem to answer us in the merit of the Tzadik, or, alternatively, we ask the Tzadik to go before the Kisei HaKavod and be a Meilitz Yosher (an advocate) for us and our families.
Ain Od M’Levado.
3) It is customary at weddings to have the Chupah (canopy) be outside or at least under an opening in the ceiling.
The reason for this is that having it under an open sky is a good sign for the newly married couple to be blessed with children like the stars in the sky (i.e. to produce good children) (Rama Even HaEzer Siman 61:2)
4) While standing under the Chupah, the Choson (groom) should stand to the left of the Kallah (bride) to symbolize that his soon to be wife will be his “right hand”. (Based on a Posuk. See Be’er Heitiv Even HaEzer Siman 61:7)
There is no difference if the Choson and/or Kallah are right or left handed regarding this Halacha, as the Choson always stands to the left of the Kallah. (See Shu”t Be’er Moshe Vol. 2 Siman 2:4)
5) While under the Chuppah, the Choson places a ring on the finger of the Kallah, and pronounces her his wife by saying “Harei At Mekudeshes Li B’Taba’as Zu K’Da’as Moshe V’Yisroel, Behold, you are married to me with this ring according to the mandate of Moshe and the Jewish nation” (i.e. according to both Torah and rabbinic law) (See Shulchan Aruch and Rama Even HaEzer Siman 27:1)
6) It is customary for the Choson to use his right hand to hold the ring and to place it onto the right index finger of the Kallah.
If either the Choson or the Kallah are left handed, there are some opinions that rule that the Choson use his “stronger” hand (i.e. his left if he is left handed) to place the ring on the “stronger” hand of the Kallah (her left hand, if she is left handed)
Other Poskim, however, rule that regardless it should be placed on the Kallah’s right hand. (See Shu”t Be’er Moshe ibid. See also Ben Ish Chai Parshas Shoftim Siman 1:7)
For Halacha L’ma’aseh, as with everything, a Rav must be consulted
New topic next week B’Ezras Hashem
