QUESTION
On Chol HaMoed [or Bein haZemanim] the reality is that one’s wife and children “want to go out and do something” and today there’s no place where a person won’t see goyim, indecent dress, people who have thrown off mitzvah observance, and other influences that we don’t want to expose ourselves or our children to. So all of us who have no choice but to take the family out somewhere, and even the biggest masmid who has no desire for such things and who would rather sit and learn all day in the Beis Midrash, is ultimately forced to take his family out somewhere on Chol HaMoed, as part of his obligation of simchas Yom Tov to make him family happy. And, he has to do it all in a good mood, and not with a scowl on his face. He has to take his family somewhere. But the reality is (especially in chutz l’aretz) is that even when we go to a place where all the frum people go to, where the families of bnei Torah spend their time in, it is very difficult for a person to guard his eyes from seeing anything improper. And even if all the women would be dressed modestly, the fact is that they’re all dressed up in their most beautiful clothing, so this presents an obvious challenge of mingling and shemiras einayim for men. I also feel that when I go to these places, I lose my pnimiyus and I become involved with chitzoniyus (the outside world). When that happens, I meditate more and connect inwardly, so that I can remain connected to my ruchniyus, but that is not good for my family, because I become lost in my own world and in my own thoughts. I have no choice but to be involved in all the frivolousness of this world, and especially when I am spending time with my family, and especially on these Chol HaMoed outings. How can I become more balanced, making my family happy on Chol HaMoed while remaining connected to my inner world?
Much thanks to the Rav, and may the Rav have a Chag Kasher V’Sameiach.
ANSWER
Each case is different. Should you go or not go to a certain place, and in what way should you get there? Every situation needs to be weighed differently, and for every rule there are always exceptions. Generally speaking, a person needs to gain the balance of a ben aliyah, a truly growing and spiritual person, who lives Above but comes down below every so often, “running and retreating” (ratzah v’shov) between the spiritual and the mundane, as the Baal Shem Tov taught. One needs to consider his main place to be “above”, in spiritual thoughts, and soon after one needs to return to his surroundings and interact properly with them, according to his current level and respecting the level which others are on (and relating to them as such).
However, while this is the general rule, it is not always the case. Sometimes a person is so attached with the spiritual that he cannot sever himself from his spiritual source, and even if he were to somehow separate himself from thinking about the spiritual, it would be tremendous suffering for his soul. And at other times, a person is at a low spiritual level and if he were to become even more involved with the outside world, his level will only sink lower. As a rule, as long as a person cannot immediately return to being focused on his inner world [i.e. thinking about Torah, the Creator, or matters of avodah], then he must not allow himself to “descend” from his level, unless it is a life-and-death matter. Sometimes a person is allowed to “descend” from his level if it will affect his shalom bayis (marital harmony), because the Sages taught that “Great is peace, for Hashem erases His name in water [to allow for peace between husband and wife]”.
