... You write about your background and also in the matter of a shidduch; that you met a boy about whom you have some reservations in regard to his attitude and commitment to Yiddishkeit and you seek my advice...
... As for the question of a shidduch, my viewpoint is well known, namely – to separate the matter of chinuch from that of a shidduch. In other words, while one must try to influence other people and bring them closer to Yiddishkeit, this should not be a consideration in the matter of a shidduch. Particularly in your case, where you yourself have yet to strengthen your adherence to the Jewish way and continue your steady advancement, it is important that you find a partner in life who is already firmly rooted in the Torah, Toras Chaim, and the Mitzvos whereby Jews live.
It would be rather risky to think that while trying to advance yourself you will be able to help another person to similarly advance in the right direction, especially after that person has at one time learned in a yeshivah and was fully committed, but for various reasons had turned away completely and then made a partial return, with some reservation. One may, and should, have every confidence that that person will come back completely, but it would be folly to add confusion to confusion and, in any case, this is not the purpose of a shidduch ...
— Letter & Spirit “What a shidduch needs to succeed"
