QUESTION: "My sister told someone she was fifty, though she is really 45. Afterward, she explained that people are more likely to compliment her on her youthful appearance if she claims to be older. Is it acceptable for her to do this?"
ANSWER: The question of whether your sister may lie about her age to receive compliments involves a fundamental debate about the scope of the Torah's prohibition against falsehood. The Chofetz Chaim interprets "Midvar Sheker Tirchak" (Exodus 23:7) as a clear, sweeping Torah prohibition against lying, representing what many consider the normative Halachic position. However, authorities differ: Orech Meisharim limits this to judges in court, while the Sefer Yereim (Mitzvah #235) suggests the prohibition only applies when harm can come from the lie, implying that harmless social lies might not be biblically prohibited, and some Rishonim view the verse as moral advice, not binding law.
According to the stricter view, the Sefer Chareidim, quoting the Rashbatz, rules that even if the falsehood causes no harm, it still constitutes a Torah prohibition. This would directly apply to your sister's situation, where her age misrepresentation harms no one, but still violates the prohibition against falsehood.
The Talmudic discussion in Kesubos 16b-17a explores a relevant debate on this topic. Beis Shammai maintains that only truthful statements should be made about a bride, whereas Beis Hillel allows for praising a bride's beauty even if it is not accurate, prioritizing the groom's happiness. The prevailing view follows Beis Hillel, indicating that certain social falsehoods may be allowed to promote harmony or joy. However, the concept of "Mutar Leshanos Mipnei HaShalom" (permitted to lie for the sake of peace) has defined limitations, as discussed by Rav Nachum Yavrov. Some authorities like the Yam Shel Shlomo suggest that occasional lies for peace are more acceptable than regular patterns of lying. In the case of your sister, where the intention is to seek compliments rather than to maintain peace or prevent harm, the primary Halachic justifications for deviating from the truth appear to not apply.
However, many contemporary Halachic authorities might apply a more lenient view to your sister's situation, particularly those who follow the Orech Meisharim's limitation of "Midvar Sheker Tirchak" to apply only to judicial contexts or who emphasize the Sefer Yereim's distinction about a lie causing harm which is not the case with your sister fibbing about her age. Nevertheless, It would be advisable to recommend that she seek alternative methods of obtaining positive feedback regarding her appearance that don't involve misrepresentation. Fostering authenticity tends to yield more enduring benefits than pursuing validation through deceptive means.
