Already suggested in the past that we try to get help from the Rebbe. I, however, was not really open to the idea, and I would put him off with various excuses. At this point, when we didn’t see any other way out, I was much more receptive to his suggestion, and our discussion focused more on the logistical details of how to arrange a yechidus, finding someone to host us in Crown Heights while were there etc.’
Their yechidus was scheduled for a Thursday night (this was in the chof’s), but they were surprised to learn that this meant Thursday night after midnight. When they arrived at 770, near midnight, and saw the number of people preceding them in the line, they realized that it would be hours before their turn. Feeling very tired from their trip and from the emotional stress, they didn’t feel up to the long late-night wait, and were considering returning to their hosts to sleep.
However, a chosid waiting nearby overheard them, and turned to them with gentle rebuke: ‘How can you even consider giving up your opportunity, once you managed to get a yechidus?’ he asked them. ‘I too am very tired’, he said, ‘I just made the tedious trip from Australia to New York just to be able to come to the Rebbe for a yechidus, and right after Shabbos I will be returning home IYH. Believe me, it would be a great pity to miss this opportunity’.
His heartfelt words affected them, and they remained in line. At 2:45 a.m. they entered the Rebbe’s room, and gave in their letter that contained the details of their situation. The Rebbe inquired about some aspects of the tests and treatments that they had undergone.
Suddenly the Rebbe turned to Rabbi Kaufman and remarked ‘Before you married your present wife you were engaged to someone else . . .there were gifts given’ Rabbi Kaufman, who didn’t know if the words were a question or a statement, merely nodded his head.
‘Did you receive forgiveness from her?’ the Rebbe asked. Rabbi Kaufman explained that he didn’t exactly ask for forgiveness, but he did explain to her in detail why he didn’t think that the shidduch was viable. ‘That’s not enough’, the Rebbe informed him, ‘you must ask her for forgiveness, and when she forgives you your own problem will be resolved.’
He asked the Rebbe if it’s necessary for him to approach her about this personally, and the Rebbe told him that he may approach a shliach to beg forgiveness on his behalf, and that the shliach should do so in the presence of a third party.
Rabbi Kaufman asked further: ‘Since forgiveness is dependent on her feelings, how can I ever be sure that the forgiveness was granted with a full heart?’ The Rebbe replied: ‘Tell her in my name that if she consents to grant a wholehearted mechila, then I promise her that she will speedily find her own chosson, and not long after the engagement she will be able to celebrate her own chasuna’.
The Kaufmans couldn’t believe their ears, and Rabbi Kaufman asked the Rebbe incredulously ‘Does the Rebbe mean a promise, what’s referred to in English as a promise?!’ The Rebbe confirmed: “I meant exactly what I said, and a promise is a promise”.
Immediately after the yechidus Rabbi Kaufman began seeking a way to carry out the Rebbe’s instructions, and motzoei Shabbos he contacted the brother of his first kallah, and – telling the entire story with all the details – begged him to be his shliach to attain his sister’s mechila. At the end, the brother consented, and was able to get back to them shortly thereafter with the good news that she had granted her forgiveness!
Three weeks later the phone rang in the Kaufman home very early in the morning. There was an acquaintance on the line who informed Rabbi Kaufman excitedly “Did you hear? They’re engaged!” Rabbi Kaufman, who was still trying to shake away his sleep, was confused.
“Engaged? Who? What are you talking about”. But when he was explained that it was his first kalla that was being referred to, he immediately became fully awake, recalling with awe the words he had heard from the Rebbe so recently. Indeed, a promise is a promise!
Four weeks later, the new couple was married. And, about the same time of their engagement, the Kaufman’s learned of their own upcoming wonderful news!
A footnote to the story: A child of the couple in the story, born through the special brocho of the Rebbe, lives in Toronto. He is a talmid chochom of note, who served first as a maggid shiur/Rosh Yeshiva in one Yeshiva, and currently is a Rosh Yeshiva in a second Toronto Yeshiva.
When the above story received some publicity, a few years ago, the above son met one of the local anash. In the course of their conversation, the young Rabbi Kaufman remarked to his Lubavitcher friend ‘Did you hear about the mofes ?’ To which the chosid replied: “I know what the real mofes is. The mofes is that you [= who was born through a brocho of the Rebbe] are still a misnaged!”
Which brings us to the point of the story. Because many of us are, in our own way, not much different that the Toronto Rosh Yeshiva in the story. We can often, also, attribute our existence and welfare to a brocho or brochos of the Rebbeim to ourselves, our parents or our grandparents. And, in any case, each and every one of us is in existence only as a direct result of a miraculous brocho from the Eibishter, that constantly sustains is.
And yet, when we do a proper analysis of our situation, we realize that despite all of that we remained a misnaged.
We’re not discussing the title misnaged used to identify the group one belongs to. I’m referring to the basic translation of the word misnaged, - which means one who goes against. If you recognize that your entire existence is only as a result of a brocho of the Rebbe, how can you go against him?! How can you conduct yourself in a way, whether in machshovo or dibbur or maaseh , that you know does not conform to his directives and wishes?!
If you realize that your entire existence is only a result of the constant G-dly force, then how can you bear the fact that you’re acting like a misnaged, - you’re going against Him?! How can you conduct yourself in a way that does not conform with and reflect the ultimate purpose of creation of נתאווה ה"הקב להיות לו דירה בתחתונים .
We are now in the month of Ellul, and deeply involved in our preparations for Rosh Hashonoh. We try to determine what actions need to be corrected, what aspects of our behaviour need to be rectified.
But it’s important to focus on what’s behind everything, - on what the meaning of Rosh Hashonoh is: On Rosh Hashonoh 5773, the Eibishter decided (or acquiesced) to be our King, to be the מלך על כל העולם כולו for another year. Without that decision the world could not exist, since in essence it is nothing. The Eibishter’s willingness to be the King over the universe is what became its’ source of life and sustenance.
Which raises the question: If my entire existence is merely an expression and a manifestation of the fact that Hashem is prepared to serve as my King, then can it be conceivable that there should be any aspect of my existence that proclaims anything other than Hashem’s Kingship?! Is it even imaginable that there should be aspects of my behaviour that oppose and rebel against His Kingship r”l?!
Can there be a bigger wonder than the fact that I am still a misnaged?
This is what we have to focus on, and what we have to rectify, to have the proper approach to a new Rosh Hashono.
And there is another very important aspect to this. Not only does this idea demand from us and accuse us, it also strengthens us and empowers us: Sometimes, when it comes the time of Teshuva, the chodesh horachamim vahaslichos , we may become disheartened. When we realize how much our conduct over the past year was lacking, how much perhaps we may have strayed from our goals, - focussing on our enjoyment and advancement rather than on being foot soldiers to proclaim His Kingship – then we may be overwhelmed.
It may seem daunting – even impossible – to try to undo all the damage and start again. It may not seem viable to achieve a true change when we are so deeply entrenched in our established lifestyle.
To this we need to remember: The entire existence is merely a result – and an expression of – the Eibishter’s Kingship. While everyone has the ability to exercise free choice, there is in reality nothing that exists except that which proclaims His Oneness. So while we may behave – temporarily – like a misnaged and oppose His directives, that behaviour is what is the wonder (that is allowed to take place only on account of His plan) and not the norm. The moment a person recognizes his error and resolves to change his ways, there can’t possibly any aspect of his existence – or any aspect of the world’s existence – that should constitute an obstacle to him
Because his new resolution reflects who and what he truly is and always was.
So, regardless of what we did or didn’t do yesterday or this past year or our entire life, it doesn’t stand in the way of our accepting His Kingship with our entire being, and immediately when we choose to do so, the obstacles from the past become non-existent.
As we enter the last stage of our preparations for Rosh Hashonoh, and begin - this Shabbos – the days of yom lachodesh – let us contemplate who and what we truly are, and ensure that every aspect of our behaviour reflects that (and stop being misnagdim)!
L’chaim! May we all do our part to justify the decision of the Eibishter last Rosh Hashonoh to become the King over the world, and may the Eibishter in turn do His part – even before the next Rosh Hashonoh – to reveal His Kingship throughout the universe with the immediate hisgalus of Melech haMoshiach TUMYM!!!
Rabbi Akiva Wagner
לזכות 'ר שלום מרדכי הלוי בן ,רבקה לגאולה וישועה קרובה ,ושלימה י"תומ ממש ג"בטוהנוהנ
p.s. whoever was expecting a story about someone else – due to the title – well, at least I got you curious!
