“It is the way of a man to pursue a wife, and not the way of a woman to pursue a husband. This is comparable to a man (“Adam” in Hebrew) who lost something. Who searches for “whom”? The man who lost it looks for what he lost.”
The basic Torah verse about marriage states: “If a man takes a wife... (Devarim 22:13). Rabbi Shimon asks in a beraita, “Why does the Torah write that ‘a man takes’ (with her consent of course!), instead of writing that ‘a woman is taken to the man’?” He answers that “it is the way of a man to pursue a wife, and not the way of a woman to pursue a husband”. He follows this answer with the above parable, in which the man’s (i.e., Adam’s) lost object is his rib, and it is the way of the man (“Adam” is Hebrew for “man”) to search for and pursue his “missing rib” — i.e., Eve, his wife. (Rashi)
But why do we need this parable of a “loser” looking for his lost object in order to understand why it is the way of a man to look for a wife? One great commentary explains that a person searches for a lost object since he understands he will gain and be enriched by finding it. Otherwise, he would not make the effort. Likewise, a man searches for a soul-mate since he realizes that he would benefit and immensely gain by being with a proper wife. Adam had his “rib” taken from him by Hashem without his knowledge while in a deep sleep (Gen 2:21), and it was “lost” to him. But what he received from Hashem in its place was so much more praiseworthy. As the Talmud (Sanhedrin 39a) states: “Wasn’t it Adam’s gain that he was deprived of a ‘rib’ and given a wife?” He would certainly have made every effort to find his partner since Chava was so much more valuable than what he lost. This is the attitude every man has when looking for a wife — and therefore it is the way of a man to look for a wife, in order to find his priceless soulmate. (Maharsha)
Kiddushin 2b
