Adapted from letters of the Rebbe:
When thoughts of regret over misdeeds come to a person, he must clarify which “side” they are coming from; from his Yetzer Tov (good inclination) or its counterpart [Yetzer Hara—evil inclination].
The primary method of determining this is [by examining] the results of these thoughts; if they result in more energy and liveliness in doing mitzvot and in the strengthening of one’s day-to-day conduct according to Shulchan Aruch, then this proves their source is pure and good.
If [however,] [these thoughts] produce depression, negligence, and laziness, or a feeling of despair, this proves they come from the Yetzer Harah (who is clothed and concealed in a guise of fear of Heaven), since all of these (depression, etc.) hamper a person in his serving Hashem.
Teshuva through Spreading Chassidus
You end your letter by writing, “I request that I be enlivened by means of proper teshuvah, at least teshuvah tata’ah [the lower level of teshuvah]”.
We stand in the final moments before the coming of Moshiach, as the Rebbe, my father-in-law reiterated many times, there only remain “small jugs” to purify. It’s also understood that the vessel to facilitate the coming of Moshiach is hafatzat hamayanot [spreading the wellsprings of Chassidus outward]. You should endeavor to engage in hafatzat hamayanot, and there certainly exist, even in Jerusalem, individuals who can be categorized as “outsiders”. You should warm them and illuminate them with the light of Chassidus, and when you’re surrounded by light, the darkness is removed of its own accord.
Love and Light to Banish the Darkness
Should you need to eradicate and uproot improper thought, speech, and action, this can also be done in “the way of the right side” [positive action] by means of tears of joy, as explained in the meaning of “cause tears to descend like a river”.
And, [you can eradicate] those aspects of intellect and emotions that aren’t so proper by means of the three loves: loving Hashem, loving Torah, and loving your fellow Jew; and by learning Torah, particularly the luminary within Torah – Chassidus, through which the darkness will be transformed into light.
Regret, not Depression
You write you are sometimes depressed. This isn’t in keeping with the teachings of our Torah, the Torah of life, which commands each Jew to “serve Hashem with joy”. Even when a person knows that he did things that he shouldn’t have, he must strengthen his trust in [Hashem who] gives us the Torah and mitzvot, that He will give him the strength to do teshuvah and fulfill the Creator’s will. Of course, he must also regret his misdeeds, but he mustn’t be depressed at all. When one puts true effort into this, the teshuvah comes from deeper within the heart and atones for all of one’s sins.
reprinted from Derher
