I am a Yid from Yerushalayim. Yes, truly from Yerushalayim. Once I was from abroad, but today, after ten years of living in Eretz Yisrael, I am truly a Yerushalmi.
I have been married for seventeen years, baruch Hashem. After seven years of marriage, we made aliyah to Eretz Yisrael and settled in the Holy City, in a rental apartment belonging to a very wealthy Yid who lives in chutz la’Aretz. The wealthy man rented out the apartment to us at lower than the going rate in the area, and we lived there, month after month and year after year, and he barely raised the price. I knew to appreciate the fact that our rent was very reasonable, and I thanked Hashem for it.
One day, a son of the baal dirah called and told me the news: His sister was engaged, and there was already an apartment ready for her – the apartment where I was living! This apartment belonged to his wealthy father, and now the time had come for his father’s daughter to come live in Eretz Yisrael, in that apartment. Therefore, I was to vacate the premises.
The news hit me like a thunderbolt. I had lived in this apartment for many years, and it suited me so well, and I suited it. Why would I change everything and start searching for another apartment? And how would we manage? The prices of rentals in our area are almost double the price I am paying now.
Just thinking about the cartons and the traveling was painful, but the hard feelings didn’t last for too long. My connection to Shaar Habitachon in Chovos Halevavos did not begin today. For many years I have been connected to this sefer, delving into it and learning it deeply. I can sit and look at one paragraph for two full hours, during which I internalize the valuable treasures that it gives. Now, when I was tested, all the logical and true words came up, words of emunah and bitachon that have been rooted within me throughout the years.
Nonetheless, it wasn’t easy for me, but I knew what was expected of me. I began immediately to thank Hashem for His mercies and His chessed with me, for the seventeen years of a happy marriage, for sons and daughters and a wonderful family, for the zechus of living in Eretz Hakodesh, for the nice apartment I’ve lived in until today with especially good conditions. That’s how I went to kollel, with a song on my lips. As I passed a quiet side street without any passersby, I even burst into dance, thanking Hashem for all His goodness.
Despite everything, when I got to kollel my chavrusa immediately realized something had happened to me. “What are you worried about?” he asked, and I told him.
He took it even harder than me. He started to comfort me and to share in my pain, but I felt that dwelling on this apartment issue did not do me any good. I thought it would be better not to talk about it at all. In those moments I accepted upon myself two things: To strengthen myself in emunah without making a big deal out of the story with the apartment, and not to talk about the call from the landlord’s son for the next two weeks.
I decided that during these two weeks I would learn Shaar Habitachon and strengthen myself in the recognition that everything is from Hashem, everything is for the good, and He is Kol Yachol. He helped me, He is helping me, and He will continue helping me. He had arranged an apartment for me until now, and he would arrange an apartment for me from today onward. There was no reason whatsoever to worry!
And thus, during this time I gained a lot of chizuk, and when I came to talk with my wife about the new situation, the fact that we had to move to another apartment, I told her everything calmly, which very much influenced the way she accepted my words, baruch Hashem.
Now I embarked on the technical hishtadlus and asked my friends if they knew of an apartment for rent. One of my friends told me, “Perhaps the time has come for you to buy an apartment.”
“To buy?!” The idea totally shocked me.
“Yes, to buy. At your age you can already consider this.” He smiled. In several short years I would be of the age my parents were when they married off their eldest son.
At that moment I tossed out the idea completely. Even if I bought an apartment with good terms for a mortgage, I would first have to put down several hundred thousand shekels, and I did not have a shred of an idea of how I would get that money.
But afterward, at night, the idea gave me no rest. Perhaps it really was time to buy an apartment? Perhaps it was not so untenable? Perhaps this was a sign from Shamayim that I should do something toward that end? Perhaps this was really what Hashem wanted of me?
I recalled that once, my friend’s father had suggested that he’d give me a large loan to purchase an apartment. At the time I did not take him up on his proposal, and in the meantime the man had passed away. His son inherited his wealth and became a wealthy man himself. I decided to turn to him as hishtadlus.
I called him, and I was surprised by his warm reaction. He offered his help willingly and gave me a loan for a much more significant sum with very comfortable conditions, and from there the way was not long to purchasing an apartment. Baruch Hashem, we found a proper dirah, and ever since, each month we are able, with the mercies and chassadim of Hashem, to cover the payments for both the mortgage and the loan.
In retrospect, we can see that indeed it was Hashem’s will that I purchase an apartment, because ultimately the sister who got married did not come live in that rental apartment. The whole upheaval was only for me, so that I should purchase the apartment that Hashem had prepared for me.
While we could say that the apartment simply fell into our hands, this was also a process that required a lot of bitachon and emunah, not to fall prey to worry or nervousness. On the days that I learned Shaar Habitachon I was able to maintain calm and serenity, and on the days that I didn’t, I didn’t stay calm.
I saw tangibly how only Hashem helps and protects me, and how when my heart trusted in Him, I was always helped.
