“...and he pitched his tent...” (12:8)
The verse records that Avraham pitched his tent using the pronominal suffix “hay” instead of “vav” in the Hebrew word “ohalo” – “his tent”. This allows the word to be read as “ohalah” – “her tent”. The Midrash notes that this teaches us that Avraham honored his wife by pitching her tent first. Why is Avraham’s honor of his wife being taught at this particular juncture? Furthermore, why is this message pointed out specifically in reference to pitching her tent? Finally, why does the Torah teach this message in a veiled manner rather than clearly stating “He pitched her tent”?
One of the greatest causes for the proliferation of dysfunctional families in modern times is the neglect of roles within the family unit that are crucial to its well-being. In particular, downplaying the woman’s role as a mother has led to devastating consequences for the raising of children. Succumbing to societal pressures, women earn respect in accordance with their business acumen and bread-winning capacity. A woman’s ability to achieve success in the outside world has become the only outlet for her sense of self-expression.
The Torah is teaching us the antidote for this insidious malady that has crept into our lives. The verse prior to Avraham pitching Sarah’s tent records that Avraham built an altar to Hashem who appeared to him. Rashi comments that this altar was a display of gratitude for being notified by Hashem that he was to become a father. When he left for Eretz Yisroel, Avraham was promised that a great nation would stem from him. The reiteration of this notion implies that fatherhood was imminent. Since Sarah was Avraham’s only wife at the time, he understood that she would be the mother of his children, the source of his continuity. Until that point Avraham and Sarah had equal roles; Avraham proselytized the men and Sarah the women. With the knowledge that she was to become the mother of his children, Avraham’s entire focus regarding her changed. Her tent became his tent. The Torah reflects this change by spelling the word which refers to his tent as if it were her tent. Avraham showed Sarah that the most important role she plays and therefore the role for which she deserves the ultimate respect is that of motherhood.
If men want their wives to assume the mantle of motherhood with all of its responsibilities, they must deliver a clear message regarding the degree to which they respect and appreciate the importance and difficulty of that role. Conversely, if a man emphasizes aspects which accentuate his wife’s role as a wife, such as looking her best at all times, rather than accentuating her adeptness in caring for the children, he becomes the source of the problem. Every woman is aware that the most strenuous role she will fulfill in life is that of a mother. If a woman does not receive encouragement and acknowledgement from her husband for this undertaking, she will look elsewhere for her self-expression.
This message is driven home by our Patriarch, Avraham. Realizing that Sarah will assume the mantle of motherhood, he shows her that there is nothing more meaningful to him than the role which she is soon to fulfill.
A Pitch for Mom Rabbi Yochanan Zweig
