Despite having given Hagar to Avraham, Sarah was not prepared for what would happen when he took her. Once Hagar became pregnant, she looked down upon Sarah. Basically, Hagar felt, “If Sarah was truly the righteous woman people think she is, then she would have had children. It must be that she has some sin.”
This, of course, is preposterous, as Hashem has many reasons why things happen and we cannot look askance at anyone because of a problem they are having. We do not know His workings.
When it happened, Avraham should have jumped to his wife’s defense, but for some reason he didn’t, or at least not vehemently enough for Sarah. However, her next move was deadly. She came to Avraham with a complaint, saying, “I am angry at you! Let G-d judge between us.” This was a mistake.
The Gemara in Rosh HaShana (16b) says that whoever hands the judgment of his friend over to Heaven, meaning that he wants to see the party that wronged him get punished, he is punished first. We learn this, says R’ Chanan, from the fact that Sarah said, “I am angry with you,” and then the Torah later says, “And Avraham came to eulogize Sarah.” If a person wants someone to be punished, Hashem first looks to see if the plaintiff deserves any punishment.
If we remember that everything that happens is to teach us a lesson, we will see that a person who harms us is merely a messenger of G-d, and bear them no ill will, especially since if we try to kill the messenger, it just may kill us first.
