Relying Upon Hashem Draws the Shefa Closer
Humbling Himself
It was during the Corona era, and a Yid left me the following message. “My daughter has been engaged for fifteen months, and the chassan lives in another country, with no way of leaving, due to the strict Covid regulations in his country. We tried everything, and we’ve spoken and lobbied and petitioned whomever we could—to no avail. The pain is tremendous, and my daughter sits at home with no joy on the horizon. I cannot sleep, because of the anguish that I’m in,” he shared.
But then he concluded, “However, I listened to a previous shiur which discussed the concept that a person must abandon all his plans and leave everything to the Ribbono shel Olam. This is the only way that salvation will come: when we relinquish control to Hashem, and He will help us when it is bashert. If so, I will not do anything further, but rather I will open a Tehillim and pour out my heart to the Ribbono shel Olam.”
Barely twelve hours passed before the Yid called again—this time to report that a short time later, things began moving in the right direction, as if of their own accord.... The entire reality had changed for him!
A Difficult Avodah
This is a great avodah, and it’s not easy. When a person feels stressed about his situation, and his blood pressure is elevated over it—he feels the need to do something! Precisely then is the time to remember that the world has been designed so that if we make excessive efforts, we only distance the salvation. The Ribbono shel Olam is indeed merciful and compassionate, and the yeshuah will arrive, but with excessive and exaggerated hishtadlus, we move away from the Source of the shefa.
Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai teaches us (Berachos 35b) that if a person merits it—through a proper attitude of bitachon—his work will be done for him by others. But, in the very same way, if he thinks thoughts contrary to bitachon, he may be deemed unworthy. If he insists on helping himself, he may distance the yeshuah.
If a Yid invests in the avodah of bitachon, his needs will come to him with greater ease. He must only internalize that the Ribbono shel Olam does everything, and when a person needs something, He will provide it to him. A Yid doesn’t need to invest in exaggerated hishtadlus. The more he invests in the avodah of bitachon, the easier things will be, and the more worthy he will be of “his work being done for him by others.”
“Zusha Is Hungry”
There’s a well-known story about the Rebbe Rav Zusha of Anipoli. Every day following davening, he would raise his eyes Heavenward and cry out, “Ribbono shel Olam! Zusha is hungry!” And every day, his food would be brought to him. One day, his attendant decided that he would not bring the food, as he wanted to see what would happen in that case.
It happened that on that very day, a Yid who had wronged the Rebbe decided that he would appease him by bringing him a meal. And so, he waited until after the Rebbe had davened. As soon as he cried out “Zusha is hungry,” the Yid swept in with a meal all ready. And, in that moment, the attendant who watched from the sidelines understood that it was never he who had been providing the Rebbe his food.
With this story, the Rebbe teaches us that even after the sin of the Eitz Hada’as, there’s still a reality of bitachon and complete reliance on Hashem. And we can all merit that our work will be done for us.
We Can All Do It
This story wasn’t a supernatural miracle. Food didn’t fall from the sky. And even simple people can relate similar stories in their own lives—if we only pay attention: If only we abstain from unnecessary and exaggerated hishtadlus, we will see that the yeshuah will come to us without excessive toil and effort.
We must remember the pasuk זרועו בשר ושם באדם יבטח אשר הגבר ארור, Accursed is the man who trusts in people and makes flesh [and blood] his strength (Yirmiyahu 17:5). Why is such a sharp term “accursed” used in this instance? Couldn’t the Navi express this in a more refined way?! The answer is that this isn’t a curse; it’s a reality! The reality is that “blessing” occurs when we’re close to the shefa, and, by definition, “accursedness” is when we’re distant from the shefa. When we trust in Hashem, we’re close to the shefa, and if we trust in our own efforts, we’re automatically distant. No one is punishing us. We have simply made the choice to distance ourselves from the shefa, R”l.
Hishtadlus Is “Sowing”—Leave the Rest to Hashem
How Much Hishtadlus?
If so, some may ask: Should we stop working for parnassah?! Perhaps we should just turn to Hashem and not engage in hishtadlus! Let us thus analyze the reality of the way Hashem created the world, and what our avodah is in the search for balance between bitachon and hishtadlus:
There’s a yesod, which remains true, that the world was created in the way that a person must toil to attain his needs. Prior to the sin of Adam HaRishon, effort was completely unnecessary. But even afterward, the reality remains that if a person strengthens his emunah, and abstains from trying to move mountains through his own efforts, he will be provided with what he needs.
However, most of us are generally not on this level of emunah, and we’re thus distant from the shefa. And so, we must engage in some effort to attain our needs. The question is: what are the parameters of “some effort.” It’s often confusing. Sometimes, we think we’re doing too much, and other times, it may seem that we’re doing too little....
Hishtadlus Is Like Planting
There’s an incredible teaching in the Sefer Be’er Mayim Chaim that provides clear insight into the balance we’re searching for—the balance between bitachon and hishtadlus.
In Parashas Beshalach, the Rebbe writes regarding the mahn that the concept of hishtadlus is just like the command that Adam HaRishon was given to sow the land. No one, not even Adam HaRishon, can sit at home and not sow his field, saying, “I have bitachon that the crop will grow on its own.” No, he must make the effort to plant. But after his planting, once he has already invested this initial effort, there’s nothing more for him to do. He can sit there all day, and it won’t make the produce grow any quicker.
You Can Only Begin
This is the proper Torah attitude to hishtadlus. Yes, we’re commanded to plant. But, after this, it will achieve nothing if you sit beside your field. The only thing that helps is for you to daven to Hashem that the crop should grow. Everything will go according to His command. Perhaps it will grow nicely, and perhaps it will not grow at all. Either way, your hishtadlus will accomplish nothing. Sitting there will not accomplish anything.
Says the Be’er Mayim Chaim, “... and so it is with all of our efforts.” We’re commanded to start the process, to invest in hishtadlus, as a beginning. But everything will turn out exactly as Hashem wills it to turn out. No cheshbonos or efforts will be of avail regarding the outcome.
When Excessive Hishtadlus Failed...
I experienced this phenomenon in my own life: The other day, I asked someone to go to the bank and sign a certain document on my behalf.
A short time later, I felt the urge to call him and remind him to take care of it.
According to the Be’er Mayim Chaim we have learned here, this was excessive hishtadlus. I “planted” by asking him to take care of it, and thus, reminding him was completely unnecessary. There’s no reason to push to try to force and control matters. But I called this person, and he assured me, “I am now at the bank, and you can consider the matter done!”
I put down the phone feeling calm, having been assured that it was taken care of. But half an hour later, the man called me and apologized for leaving the bank without signing the document.... He explained that a bank employee made him wait a long time, and he didn’t have time to wait that long, and so he went home....
When I heard this, I jumped for joy! I witnessed firsthand how exaggerated hishtadlus only distances the shefa! After we “plant,” it is completely unnecessary to do anything further; we must only wait for the Ribbono shel Olam to move matters along. This phenomenon can be seen in our lives every single day.
Rule of Thumb: Is It in Your Hands?
If we wish to determine whether a certain hishtadlus is warranted or whether it’s excessive, we must determine whether it’s in our hands to complete the job and make it happen. But if it’s something that’s out of our control, we have no business waiting around and willing it to happen. We must relinquish control to the Ribbono shel Olam. Pushing matters so that they will happen faster isn’t hishtadlus, it’s not planting.
When you need to take care of something, just plant the seeds, and move on. Standing there and willing it to grow... that’s not the hishtadlus that Hashem commanded Adam HaRishon.
We Cannot Change Anyone
This principle applies when we need a favor from another person.
We’re reliant on that person, but we don’t hold the levers to his mind. We can talk to him. We can try and influence him. But we cannot control his mind.
If so, this means that when we asked for the favor, we “planted the seed.” But then there’s nothing left to do to make it grow—only to wait for the Ribbono shel Olam to do so and to bring the yeshuah to us.
If It’s Out of Your Hands, It’s Not Hishtadlus
But some people make exaggerated efforts to bend the other person to their will. They will send one messenger after another and do whatever they can to make things happen—all so this person will do what they want him to.
But the question remains: Even after making all these efforts, can you ever be assured that the person will indeed do what you want him to? Of course not! It’s simply out of your hands.
If so, all efforts to “push” and “control” have nothing to do with hishtadlus. The first time you asked him, it was considered “planting.” Anything beyond that is excessive hishtadlus that can only ruin things.
Suggesting a Shidduch
This also applies when suggesting a shidduch to a person. The usual mehalech is when we “plant a seed.” We suggest a shidduch to another person. Then comes the stage of growth—what the person will do with our suggestion—and this is completely out of our hands, and it is wrong for us to try to push matters.
Sometimes, we think that it’s our job to call the person every day, and if he doesn’t pick up the call, we call from another phone.... The question we must ask ourselves is whether, when he picks up the phone, can you ensure that he will do the shidduch?! The answer is no. It’s out of your hands. And if so, it’s beyond the scope of hishtadlus. It’s the “growth” stage. And in this stage, there’s nothing for the person to do other than hope to Hashem.
When you need a favor from someone, it’s perfectly fine to ask him. It’s called “planting the seeds.” But remember that the outcome is in the hands of the Ribbono shel Olam. When you think that you can influence the person, it’s like thinking that you can make wheat grow—but the reality is that this is in the hands of Hashem.
Influencing Others Through Bittul to Hashem
The sefer Beis Aharon quotes Rav Asher of Stolin zy”a (who was known to perform the incredible avodah of mikva’os), who says that a person can influence the mind of another person through immersion in the mikveh. Indeed, there were exalted Yidden who could cause their friend to wake up in the morning by immersing in the mikveh while thinking about that friend!
The reason mikveh is effective in this regard is that the essence of mikveh is bittul to Hashem—for it is impossible for a person to even breathe or live under the water. And the sefarim hakedoshim teach us that the only way we can influence another person is through bittul to Hashem. Even the greatest shadchanim don’t have the keys to this... it is purely in the hands of Hashem.
And for this reason, if a person immerses in the mikveh without thoughts of bittul to the Ribbono shel Olam, he won’t accomplish anything. It’s not a game; we must truly be bateil to Hashem.
Don’t Remind Him Again
So, we must understand that we can and must do only the first part, planting. Everything beyond that is out of our control, even when it seems that “just reminding him again” would be helpful. You can’t crawl into his mind or control it, and you have no power to change his mind. The only way you can conceivably make it happen is to submit to Hashem completely.
Asking a person once for a favor is “planting a seed,” as is suggesting a shidduch once. Pestering and nudging and “reminding” people is something very different. It’s out of our hands—and thus, isn’t hishtadlus.
Examine Your Heart
There are times when reminding a person—or approaching a second person—is considered part of hishtadlus. If we see that we mistakenly asked the wrong person, it is obviously part of the “planting” stage to approach the appropriate party.
It’s just like a person who planted wheat and then realized that the soil wasn’t fertile. In such a case, it’s no contradiction to bitachon to try another location. The rule of thumb is to look inside our hearts and be honest with ourselves about whether we’re just planting, or whether we’re engaged in trying to control outcomes, which is diametrically opposed to bitachon.
The Difference Between Bitachon and Laziness
In Accordance with the Challenge
When we speak about nisyonos, we must understand that the greatness of overcoming a challenge is measured in how difficult the challenge was for the person.
We know that if a person refrains from committing an aveirah, he is rewarded as though he performed a mitzvah. But Chazal clarify that this is only if he had the opportunity to do the aveirah, and nevertheless he held himself back.
The reward is measured by the difficulty of the challenge.
It All Depends on the Heart
And so, when we speak about refraining from excessive hishtadlus, abstaining from excessively “reminding” people about what we asked them previously, etc., it really depends on the heart of the person—why he doesn’t engage in these efforts.
If a person is naturally shy and disciplined, he’s not necessarily doing so due to his emunah. But a person who’s pulled with every fiber of his being to make another call or send another reminder, but instead opens a Tehillim and turns to Hashem, is indeed doing a tremendous thing. This person understands that no amount of reminding will help, because if it’s not bashert to happen, the other person will forget—regardless of how many times you remind him.
This person has true bitachon, not laziness or complacency—and his desires will surely be granted in the best way possible.
The Heart Knows
When it comes to doing less hishtadlus, people ask: what about laziness? Surely, we should also ensure that we’re not just being too lazy to do what we must. And this is true. We must take care not to neglect our responsibilities—and this is where intellectual honesty comes in. With a bit of introspection, we will know if we’re driven by laziness or bitachon.
If every part of us wants to do more, but we hold back because of emunah and trust in Hashem, we know that our motives are pure.
This is the proper balance! We have done our part. We have planted the seeds. And now there’s nothing left for us to do other than turn to Hashem, and rely on Him completely, knowing that He will provide everything we need.
