Dear Alumni Sheyichyu!
Sholom U’Brocho!
Mazel Tov to Mendy Kleinberg on the occasion of his engagement. May he use out the special period of Yokor Mikol yokor to its’ utmost! Mazel Tov to Rabbi & Mrs. Shmuel Wagner on the birth of their son. (And a very special Mazel tov to my brother and sister in law, Rabbi and Mrs. Meir Wagner, and the entire family). Mazel tov to Rabbi and Mrs. heshy Hoffinger on the birth of their daughter. May they bring them up lTOveCHuMAA”T mitoch harchovo, and to be true chayolim/os! (If anyone is aware of any mazeltov’s that I omitted please let me know).
Our thoughts and tefilos continue to be with our brothers and sisters in the Ukraine, and especially the shluchim there who are practicing such remarkable mesirus nefesh, may Hashem speedily bring them true cherus, and bring them לגאולה ומאפילה לאור גדול!
Once again, I apologize that I didn’t have the strength for the regular email, IYH od chazon lamoied. However, since I wrote the beginning of the story, I felt compelled to complete it.
On a personal note...
I already wrote, last week, the beginning of my story, so here is the continuation:
On Friday, as mentioned, I had an appointment with surgeon. I met him, but it turned out that – though he deals with colon etc., and was able to confirm the earlier findings with a quick exam – he himself doesn’t deal with hernia, and he made me an appointment for Wednesday with a surgeon who specializes in the field I required (explaining to us that we wouldn’t have gotten earlier than that in any case, and this was still considered very fast).
From there we headed to Manhattan, where I had my radiation to my head, which they said was BH successful, and we finally arrived back home late Friday afternoon.
Shabbos was agony, with me experiencing extreme pain spasms every few moments, and by motzoei Shabbos they kept me up the entire night. I couldn’t endure them, and I didn’t know what to do with myself. At that point it was very clear to me that there was no way in the world I could wait until Wednesday. I simply wouldn’t survive until then.
I felt I needed to either find a surgeon who would see me immediately, or have myself admitted to an emergency room, where they would have to deal with the problem as an emergency. I still didn’t know exactly how I would go about this, but overnight I was already searching for NY area hospitals that dealt with hernia. BH, Sunday morning, unbeknownst to me, my family came back with the same advice from hatzoloh – I needed to go straight to ER.
[I know, you may be thinking, isn’t that obvious? What took so long to realize that? But, you have to remember that I had already visited the ER with this very problem, just a few weeks ago (and came by ambulance etc.), and they sent me home with an x-ray and a prescription for gas-x and an inflammation medication. So, I had a hard time believing they would now take it more seriously].
Apparently, Dr. Rosen had told them that the best choices for hernia in our area were NYU and SLOAN KETTERING. Well, this was news to me, Sloan, or MSK, has been my hospital here in NY for many months already. But, I had no idea that they dealt with hernia operations (let alone being one of the top hospitals for it). Moreover, that was the “Urgent care” department that I had visited for this a few weeks earlier, with such disappointing results. But, since I was already a patient there, I felt that if that was one of my options, then that was my preferred option. So, Sunday morning we went to Manhattan, and I had myself admitted to Emergency (again!). But, this time I was able to tell them about the findings of the recent CT scan.
I came prepared to do battle. I was not overly optimistic about how seriously they would take it (especially being that it was a Sunday, and many “regulars” were probably off), but I was 100% certain that I couldn’t last any more, and I was planning – somehow – to force them to deal with it.
Thankfully, this wasn’t necessary. They took a new CT scan, and had a surgeon examine me (after the usual formidable wait, - there’s a reason that customers in hospitals are referred to as patients), and said I would be having surgery shortly. That day!
In fact, I asked them if – being that everything was in MSK - they would be updating my oncologists, who needed to know about this development (who had had reservations about whether surgery would interfere with my treatment). They said that they would eventually get the message to them but “in any case, we won’t be waiting to hear from them, because there is, at this point, nothing to discuss and no question that you need immediate surgery without delay”.
All this time the pain was continuing to intensify ע"ל ע"ול. Sunday afternoon, I was finally wheeled into surgery, and, BH, from the moment of my general anaesthesia, my ordeal was over!
I am so so thankful to the Eibishter for His infinite kindness. BH the surgery was successful (the surgeons were very pleased), and I woke up without the horrible pain that had been my constant companion for so long! I spent 2 nights in hospital, and Tuesday I returned home, where I am continuing to recover from the surgery itself. BH, I feel like a new person, and am feeling stronger every day. BH we had the surgery done just when we did.
חסדי 'ה כי לא תמנו כי לא כלו רחמיו
הודו 'לה כי טוב כי לעולם חסדו!
One thought:
We know, and it is written in seforim, that the Eibishter doesn’t give a person difficulties or suffering more than he can handle. This was something that I personally witnessed with utmost clarity. On motzoei Shabbos I had the sense that באו מים עד נפש, - that I couldn’t handle even one more day of this. Whether or not this was actually the case, in my mind I had reached the end of my endurance. And, indeed, once I felt I couldn’t endure any more, the Eibishter brought us directly to my yeshuah (despite having been, somehow, blinded until then), and, before the end of the day, I had to endure no more!
Which is a crucial message for all of us, especially at this time:
We just entered the month of Av, a time of mourning the churban, and, by extension, a time of intense longing and yearning for the 3rd beis hamikdash. We learn about the beis hamikdash, and focus on our prayers and wishes that yeihopchu yomim eilu lesossoin ulesimcha ulemoiadim toivim etc.! It’s a time when every Yid is overcome with the feelings of “Ad mosai”??!!, how much longer can we wait for Moshiach?!
But – after all – the Eibishter doesn’t burden a person with more than he can handle. If we couldn’t handle the golus any more, if we had the sense that the golus is truly unbearable, then I think there is no doubt that the Eibishter would bring us Moshiach now, immediately!
It’s not enough to want Moshiach. You may even genuinely, sincerely, want Moshiach. You may even want him badly, desperately, - אחכה לו בכל יום שיבא.
But that does not mean, yet, that you can’t handle golus, that you can’t survive without him. We (myself, some of us, and – apparently to some degree – all of us) find golus bearable. It would be great if we had the geulah, would be amazing, it’s something (perhaps) we truly yearn for. Maybe we even have a sense of how negative golus is, and maybe we truly despise it and are repulsed by it.
