Bank Proudly Reports No Earnings

The First G’mach Bank has announced that it has earned no money this year and has no plans to change their business model anytime in the future. “Our strategy is based off the time-tested guidelines of the Torah,” says CFO Mr. Chesed Kaspi. “All loans to fellow Jews are completely free. We expect to turn a profit in the coming years from our shrewdly placed investments in real estate in the Holy Land.”