This week’s parashah highlights the unusual and unique laws of a person who wishes to elevate themselves for the sake of HaShem by vowing to abstain from drinking wine, cutting one’s hair, or coming into close contact with the dead. The Torah calls such a person a “Nazir.” This chapter opens up with the words: SpeaktothechildrenofIsrael and you shall say to them: A man or woman who declares to make a vow, a vow of a Nazir, to abstain for the sake of HaShem.
Questions: What exactly is the meaning of the word Nazir? What motivates a Nazir to act in such a manner? Furthermore, right after the laws of a Nazir, the Torah tells us about the special blessings that Kohanim are commanded to give to their fellow Jews. How are these side-by-side ideas related? Is a Nazir really comparable to a Kohein? And lastly, what relevance are these ideas to our society today?
A Nazir: Not Your Average Hippie
Let us first look at the meaning of the Hebrew word Nazir itself. The first time this word appears in the Torah, it has the meaning of “separated.” This occurs in the verse where Yaakov blesses his son Yosef and says, “The blessings of your father..., may they come, to Yosef’s head, and to the crown (of the head) of the one who was separated from his brothers.” In what way was Yosef separated and isolated from his brothers? The Talmud says, “From the day that Joseph took leave from his brothers, he did not sample a taste of wine.” Based on Targum’s definition, Yosef acted like a Nazir and isolated himself. Additionally, the word Nazir is related to a crown. So, it is possible to say that a crown is also related to “separateness” and isolation, as it is common for those who are elevated to a high status to feel lonely and isolated from others. As the old cliche goes, “It is lonely at the top.” This can be true especially if one forgets all the people who helped you get there.
There are also times when people isolate themselves for the sake of protection. This may be done to protect themselves physically or even emotionally. We can see this meaning when comparing the words נזר (separate; isolate) and נצר (protect; guard). This connection is because the letters Zayin and Tzaddi can be interchanged based on the rules of letter substitution. And like the shape of a crown, a Nazir physically and spiritually encircles their soul to prevent harm, avoiding wine, etc., since it may lead to adultery. Through the Nazir’s such abstention, he or she becomes elevated. Furthermore, the function of hair acts as an insulator and protection; symbolically, the extra growth of the hair of the Nazir can be considered a form of extra isolation and protection from negative influences.
However elevated a Nazir may become spiritually, at the completion of a Nazir’s abstention, they are obligated to bring a sin offering, as it says, “This shall be the law of the Nazirite..., He shall bring his offering..., as a sin-offering.” A sin offering? Did the Nazir commit an Aveira (sin) so that he needs to bring a sin offering? In his wonderful sefer, Vedibarta Bam, R. Moshe Bogomilski answers, yes and explains, “A Nazir takes upon himself three things: 1) not to drink wine, 2) not to come in contact with a corpse, and 3) to let his hair grow wild. Wine is a sign of Simchah (happiness), and it is customary to drink wine on joyous occasions. By refraining from drinking wine, the Nazir declares that he has no desire to participate in the joy of others. By avoiding contact with a corpse, he is failing to sympathize with others’ sufferings and shunning sad occasions. Letting his hair grow wild implies that he does not care if people stay away from him because they do not want to be involved with a strange-looking person. Thus, all three restrictions involve withdrawal from society. Such a lifestyle is considered sinful and requires forgiveness.” Isolation, even for the best of reasons, goes against the natural design of people, as we are hard-wired to seek connection with others.
The Nazir & Kohein: Two Spiritual Paths
Both a Nazir and a Kohein’s service (especially a Kohein Gadol) are aimed toward holiness. As pointed out by Rabbi Dovid Forman of AlephBeta.org, we see this illustrated by similar expressions in the Torah. With regard to the Nazir, the Torah says, “For the entire duration of his abstinence, he is holy to the L-rd.” As a Nazir’s “crown” is his hair, the Kohein Gadol’s “crown” is his Tzitz, as the Torah says, “And you shall make a showplate (Tzitz), of pure gold, and you shall engrave upon it, like the engraving of a seal, ‘Holy to the L-rd.’” Based on these verses, we can see that both the Nazir's and the Kohein's goal was to be “holy to the L-rd” as they both have a deep love for their relationship with HaShem and care about their spirituality.
But as Rabbi Forman points out, “On one hand, a Kohein turns his love outward toward his fellow Jew and acts as a connector between them and HaShem... even the Jews connect to the Kohein by providing various gifts to him that the Torah mandates. However, the Nazir's spiritual journey is toward himself, isolating himself from others.” Rabbi Foreman brings up an interesting point that a person who is not a Kohein is often referred to as a זֵר, an outsider, or a stranger—someone who feels that they are set apart from the rest in a negative way. This word זֵר is used in place of the more common word גֵר. They take their feelings of זֵר (a stranger) and elevate these feelings to a נָזִיר, a “crown” that sets them apart in a positive light.
Other examples that show the relationship between a Nazir and a Kohein is mentioned in the Midrash: It says, Everyone who sanctifies themselves from below is sanctified from above. This (Nazir)–since he abstains from wine and afflicts himself by not shaving his head so as to distance himself from sin, therefore G-d says, ‘I consider him like a Kohein Gadol.’ Just as a Kohein Gadol is prohibited from contracting ritual impurity through any dead person (even his close relatives), likewise a Nazir is prohibited from contracting ritual impurity through any dead person. Just as it is written, concerning the Kohein Gadol, ‘for his G-d's crown of anointing oil is upon him,’ likewise concerning the Nazir it is written, "for his G-d's crown is upon his head.’ Just as concerning the Kohein Gadol, it is written, ‘Aharon was separated to be sanctified as the holy of holies.’ Likewise, the Nazir is called holy, as it is written, ‘All his Nazirite days, he is holy to G-d.’ The vow that a Nazir makes, be it a he or she, allows a regular Jew to achieve a high level of sanctity not only like a regular Kohein but even reaches the level of a Kohein Gadol (a High Priest)!
Although the Torah permits this type of behavior, and there are three who are recorded who dedicated their whole life to this endeavor, the standard default length for a Nazir is 30 days. This is in contrast to a Kohein who retains his status for his whole life. He not only inherited this lofty status, he is able to pass this trait on to his male descendants. Although a daughter of a Kohein does not perform any ritual services on behalf of her fellow Jews, nevertheless, there are even aspects of priesthood that a Kohein passes on to his daughters. Yet, unlike a Kohein, a Nazir can be a woman or a man equally. A Kohein connects outward, allowing his status to be transferred to future generations. A Nazir connects inward which only elevates him or herself.
Wondrous or Strange?
In the verse above where it says, “who declares to make a vow,” this is an unusual expression and the word has been multiple layers of meaning. The word literally means wondrous and some commentators ascribe the Nazir’s actions as something praiseworthy—wondrous in a positive sense. Others say this unusual word describes the Nazir’s actions as strange in a negative sense. Could it be both?
Self-Love vs. Self-Absorbed
One could also reason that what drives the Nazir’s actions is to raise and elevate their feeling of self-worth, thereby strengthening themselves against negative influences. The word Nazir can mean to "crown" oneself, as it were, to HaShem. If he or she is like royalty, it is beneath them to do something unbecoming. This type of attitude is accomplished through something that modern therapists call “self-love” or “self-growth.” To accomplish this, it is suggested to be mindful of the following: 1) Identify and be mindful of your strengths and regard oneself as valuable. 2) Minimize making comparisons to others. 3) Accept oneself unconditionally, with all one’s natural flaws. 4) Interrupt negative thoughts by injecting positive thoughts by having an attitude of gratitude for your life. 5) Connect with positive people who can positively impact you, who support and encourage you and appreciate your innate value. 6) Freely share parts of oneself with those whom you can trust. This will allow one to feel more free and have more compassion for yourself and others. 7) Build self-worth by setting small and attainable goals and writing down these accomplishments. 8) Practice daily affirmations ‘I am____,’ ‘I can____,’ and ‘I will____.’ and place these where one can see them throughout the day. 9) Do things for others to help increase one's overall well-being and happiness. It will then become easier to see ourselves as also deserving of care and nurturing. 10) Set healthy boundaries regarding what one is willing and able to do or give (physical, emotional, time, energy, financial, etc.). Learning to say no will allow one to spend valuable time to help nurture their body, mind, and soul for the sake of one’s well-being.
Through the prism of the Torah, these ideas are not new. When one looks deeper into the daily morning blessings found in the Siddur, one readily sees many of these above points either mentioned or hinted at. For example, just in the first prayer of the day of Modeh Ani we can see incredible wisdom and depth. We say that you have returned my soul within me—gratefully acknowledging the return of that soul which makes me who I am. We further express, Great is Your (HaShem’s) faith (in me). Even knowing all my past failings, today is a new day, and Hashem is giving me a new day and new opportunities for growth. By continuing with each blessing, one gains an appreciation for who they are and what they have.
However important “self-love,” is, there is a repeated falsehood that there is a prerequisite to love oneself before one can love someone else. This is more myth than fact. Is a mother prevented from loving her newborn baby until she learns to love herself? Hardly. Additionally, focusing on one’s self can easily get confused and devolve from caring for one’s well-being to isolating oneself from those who really do care. One who is not careful can easily transition from working on self-love to being self-absorbed, causing one to go from “How can I help you?” to “How can you help me?” Such self-absorbed individuals often rely on constant external feedback and validation. This can be illustrated by the recent unhealthy overuse of Instagram (and other social media apps) to immodestly “show off” their stuff or to ostentatiously flaunt their latest expensive purchases or even food, while impatiently waiting for others to comment with all their artificial “ahhs” and “oohs.” The difference between being self-love and self-absorbed is that when you love yourself, you're able to generate your own sense of self-worth, independent of outside conditions. This allows you to not only receive but share your value with others.
The Strangeness of Estrangement
In an article by Dr. Avrum Weiss, Ph.D., he writes about the recent epidemic of parental estrangement. To paraphrase, “In one recent study, researchers found that 26 percent of young adults are estranged from their fathers, and six percent are estranged from their mothers. The parents report that these estrangements often happen without notice or explanation, leaving them feeling deeply hurt and in the dark. Some consider this a reaction to their dissatisfaction with how they were parented and the strict parenting style they were subjected to. Cutting off their parents may be a way of defending against the bad feelings they are having difficulty tolerating in themselves, blaming their parents for creating those feelings. In extreme cases, particularly if they have not had many experiences of healthy conflict resolution in their families, they may take the extreme step of cutting off their families completely in an effort to remove the challenging emotions they are experiencing. And so, we arrive at a situation where a generation who grew up afraid of their parents end up being afraid of being estranged from their children.”
Much of this is based on the writings and research of Dr. Josh Coleman, who explains this recent shift in values and how it affects the family unit, “Deciding which people to keep in or out of one’s life has become an important strategy to achieve that happiness. While there’s nothing especially modern about family conflict or a desire to feel insulated from it, conceptualizing the estrangement of a family member as an expression of personal growth as it is commonly done today is almost certainly new.” Historian Stephanie Coontz expressed this change, “For most of history, family relationships were based on mutual obligations rather than on mutual understanding.”
Dr. Coleman explains one reason for the recent higher occurrences of estrangement, “While estrangement can occur for many reasons, divorce appears to heighten the risk for both mothers and fathers—especially fathers. Why would divorce increase the risk? In my clinical work, I have seen how divorce can create a radical realignment of long-held bonds of loyalty, gratitude, and obligation in a family. It can tempt one parent to poison the child against the other. It can cause children to reexamine their lives prior to divorce and shift their perspective so they now support one parent and oppose the other.” America’s love affair with the needs and rights of the individual conceal how much sorrow we create for those we leave behind. We may see cutting off family members as courageous rather than avoidant or selfish. We are all flawed. We should have that at the forefront of our minds when deciding who to keep in or out of our lives—and how to respond to those who no longer want us in theirs.”
As a result, some adult children have a distorted perspective of self-love and have utilized this ideal as an excuse to become estranged from their parents. Quite frequently, this is to their own detriment, and even one child’s estrangement can affect other siblings within the family. They do this without realizing the harm this does to themselves and their parent(s)–the trauma and ripple effect often lasting for years. When one experiences a child becoming estranged from those who raised them with love, it is baffling. To see such a parent treated like a stranger leads us back to the word Nazir, which is related to the word זֵר, an outsider, a stranger.
Surely, there are times when we can devote ourselves to healing and self-love, but we cannot exist in isolation for an undetermined amount of time. The reason why the default time for a Nazir’s commitment is thirty days is to allow the amount of time needed to accustom himself to push away those negative forces so that it will become second nature for the Nazir to continue to repel them when he is back within a normal society. After these thirty days, he is now ready and armed to re-enter society. We must learn to exist within the context of our relationships with others, and the world. Although a healthy inner self-relationship can certainly help one’s external relationships, self-love should not be used as a roadblock to connecting or staying connected with others. As Dr. Weiss writes, “In Western culture, we say that you can’t love someone else until you love yourself. We are less likely to recognize as equally true that loving and being loved by someone else is an essential part of coming to love oneself.”
Conclusion
The Nazir’s actions, albeit unusual, have a place and time within the parameters of Jewish thought. But directly after these laws is the beautiful commandment for the Kohanim, the priestly tribe, to bless the Jewish people with the words, “May the L-rd bless you and watch over you.” This blessing concludes with, “and grant you peace.” The word peace is related to the word meaning “wholeness/complete,” for there is no better blessing than for us to feel whole. Whole within ourselves, and with others. This wholeness is best accomplished not by connecting inward like a Nazir but by being like Kohanim and connecting outward. It is no coincidence that on the holiest day of the year, the day which focuses on the service of the Kohein Gadol, we are reminded to avoid letting our spiritual elevation prevent us from considering the needs of others, and in the Haftarah for Yom Kippur it contains the words, “and from your flesh, you shall not hide.” In Ethics of Our Fathers, there is a Mishna of the famous Hillel who said, “If I am not for myself, who is for me?” This, too, can be compared to the concept of self-love and self-growth. But the Mishna doesn’t just stop there, it warns us saying, “And if I am only for myself, what am I?” Don’t let self-love become a place to hide from others. As our communities see a rise in this troubling issue affecting so many families, let us all do what we can and heed Hillel’s concluding words, “And if not now, when?”
