We Celebrated a Wedding!
As we stand following the days of Shavuos, we know what the tzaddikim have taught us, and the source is really in the Midrash, that every year we celebrate the giving of the Torah anew. This means that we have just celebrated a literal wedding between the Ribbono shel Olam and Knesses Yisrael.
Sometimes it happens that a person finds himself exhausted three days after Shavuos, and the heightened emotions of Yom Tov have already subsided. He himself cannot believe that he looks this way so soon after Yom Tov—he thinks that his level of connection is dependent on how much he feels it.
This is a big mistake. Feelings and emotions are important, but the great wedding with our Creator isn’t dependent on whether we feel it. Facts are facts—and the fact is that we have been acquired with an unbreakable bond.
Mistakes Are Natural
Furthermore, during the period known as shanah rishonah immediately following a wedding, things tend to be shaky as the couple learns how to build a connection. This is a period when more mistakes happen, because the connection hasn’t been established. But this is natural. At the wedding, the foundations of connection were laid, and now the work begins to establish it. Mistakes will happen, but steadily and surely, the home is established. Everyone understands that something enduring is being built, and it takes some time until it is established.
It’s common that couples won’t understand each other right away. But this is no indication that the bond isn’t solid. A bond that will last 70-80 years may take a few years to become established. It takes more than a week....
An Eternal Bond
A Yid must only internalize the truth: We have just experienced a wedding with our Father in Heaven. In fact, our wedding customs are modeled after the original wedding of Kabbalas haTorah.
It is a real phenomenon that took place. An eternal bond has been forged here—and if we wish to know how great this bond is, we need only take a look at our bookcases and see how much Torah has been generated by Klal Yisrael since the event of Kabbalas haTorah!
And it’s not only regarding talmidei Chachamim. How many simple Yidden merited to become davuk in the Ribbono shel Olam through Torah and mitzvos throughout the millennia! How much mesirus nefesh and sacrifice have Yidden exhibited for Torah throughout the millennia. It all began on that day of Kabbalas haTorah! A Yid can see this from his own life: How much does he merit to follow the Torah, and how much does he seek to fulfill the Torah! All of this is due to the great acquisition of the Torah, which in turn brought about responsibilities and commitments that we must fulfill. This bond of love is real.
The Love Remains for Eternity
One may say, “I hear all this. But the fact is that on שבועות, חג אסרו we return to work, and we forget about the whole thing. A month later?! Forget about it! Shavuos is old news....”
These thoughts stem from the thinking that a person measures reality according to his emotions. As soon as his emotions have subsided, he moves on. He doesn’t remember the reality anymore, and he doesn’t derive from it what it could potentially bring him.
But when a Yid understands the truth, he perceives that this is a love that remains for eternity. And this is what we see in Yirmiyahu; 900 years after Kabbalas haTorah, the Ribbono shel Olam invokes that love. He says to every Yid: Perhaps you’ve forgotten, but I will never forget the כלולותיך. אהבת Every time you make a mistake, I will assume that this is because you’ve forgotten the love. You must only remember it.” A Yid must always reiterate and repeat and remember the love that was forged in the moments that he stood under the chuppah with the Ribbono shel Olam, as it were.
This is the reason we must remember the סיני. הר מעמד Sometimes, we think that it’s only important to remember the awe and the fear of those moments at Har Sinai. But we must remember the כלולותיך אהבת just as much—because this is the way that the Ribbono shel Olam remembers that day! The Midrash tells us that the words חתונתו ביום in Shir HaShirim refers to the day of Matan Torah. And this is the way that Hashem wants us to remember that day as well.
More Than Commitments
At every wedding, we read the kesubah in which we enumerate all the responsibilities and commitments to one another.
But when we analyze it, we will see that these commitments aren’t the essence of the chasunah. The bond of connection is the real essence—and it is higher than any transactional commitment that we make. The kesubah is only a document that ensures that the husband will keep his commitments to his wife, whether or not he feels like it.
But that’s not what the wedding is about. The essence of the chasunah is the closeness and the love that exists between the couple. This is the foundation upon which the home will be built. This is the essence. Everything else is a guardrail for the purpose of maintaining a healthy and robust bond.
The Essence of the Relationship
It is the same with our relationship between the Ribbono shel Olam and Klal Yisrael. Of course, there are commitments that come with being a Yid. Every Yid must uphold the Torah and fulfill its mitzvos—and the Ribbono shel Olam promises in return to provide us with everything we need. This arrangement is very important for both sides. But it isn’t the essence of the relationship. The essence of the wedding is כלולותיך. אהבת
And the Ribbono shel Olam says to us, “I remember the love, and I remember that you have already expressed and illustrated this great love when you followed Me into the Wilderness, and proclaimed נעשה before נשמע, with such emunah and love, knowing that the I will never abandon you.”
Hashem says to us: You have already demonstrated our shared love in the past! I am asking you to reawaken it. When you have a challenging moment, remember our connection. Remember how you were under the protective cloud of the הכבוד, ענני how good it was for both of us then. Renew the bond, continue with your commitments that help refresh the connection. Remember the eternal כלולותיך, אהבת the love of our nuptials.
The Love of Matan Torah Is Reawakened Every Shabbos
When Hashem Rejoices in Us
Every Shabbos during Lecha Dodi we invoke this feeling. Every Shabbos, this bond is reawakened... the way the Ribbono shel Olam relates to us, and the way we relate to Him, as we say חתן כמשוש אלקיך עליך ישיש כלה, על your G‑d will rejoice in you as a groom rejoices in his bride.
The Gemara tells us, תורה, נתנה בשבת עלמא לכולי all are in agreement that the Torah was given on the day of Shabbos (even as they disagree which day of the month it was given). The sefarim hakedoshim explain these words to mean that the Torah is given anew every single Shabbos! For this reason, we recite pesukim during Kabbalas Shabbos that invoke the event of Matan Torah; woh...מדבר’ יחיל ה' קול אש, להבות חוצב ה' ‘קול the entire desert trembled due to that great event.
Afterward we recite Lecha Dodi, in which we reawaken the love between Hashem and His children. We laud and extol each other’s virtues, adornments to awaken our loving bond. These songs and praises have a special purpose: to rekindle the deep inner love of Matan Torah. On Shabbos, a Yid is reminded of his special responsibility to maintain this kesher even during the rest of the week.
The Reminder of Shabbos
We can understand this from our everyday lives. During the week, the man and wife are so preoccupied and harried that they’re barely there—even though they live in the same home. Their minds are simply not focused on their relationship, because they’re busy with parnassah and other responsibilities. But when Shabbos comes, they can breathe once again, and they’re reminded of what’s really important. And when he sings Lecha Dodi, a Yid is reminded of the eternal bond with the Ribbono shel Olam that began at Matan Torah.
This is all the more true on this Shabbos—the one immediately following Matan Torah, when we still feel the Yom Tov in so many ways. But really, it’s true of every Shabbos throughout the year. Sometimes, a Yid learns many hours throughout Shabbos, because he wishes to utilize his time for learning. But when a Shabbos Sheva Brachos comes, he allows himself to sing some more on Friday night. In essence, every week is Shabbos Sheva Brachos, and a Yid can utilize his Friday evenings for ותשבחות שירות and expressing his love for Hashem. This reawakens that kesher, and later, throughout the days of the week, he’s better able to carry out his responsibilities to the relationship.
Above Reason and Logic
And when we speak the wedding between Klal Yisrael and the Ribbono shel Olam, there’s an important aspect of this that’s worthwhile to emphasize because it’s a great yesod in Yiddishkeit.
Sometimes, a couple marries, and one of the spouses had struggled with a major deficit, something very obvious and glaring. They always wondered and worried, “Who will ever marry me? What will I have to forgo and compromise on in order to marry?” They hoped, they cried, they davened...and the Ribbono shel Olam answered their tefillos. They became engaged to a wonderful person, the likes of whom they could never have imagined.
What happened? The Aibishter made this person find favor. The parents tried to talk their son or daughter out of the idea... that they can do better... but they wanted the shidduch—nothing to talk about. This is what happened to Rachel, the wife of Rabbi Akiva. Despite everything her father said, she insisted on marrying Rabbi Akiva—recognizing his great pnimiyus.
Choosing Us with Love
After such a wedding, this person thinks, “I thought that no one would want me, but someone saw my essence... my true attributes, my true self.” And this brings the person such emotion and gratification: “This person saw in me what no one else did. I was cast away, but he/she chose me and believed in me!”
The same thing played out following Matan Torah. The Ribbono shel Olam tells every Yid, “I chose you—לעולם, לי וארשתיך I have betrothed you for eternity!” And the person can’t believe it. He says to himself, “I don’t know whether Hashem looked into me properly... does He really know who I am?!”
And the Aibishter says: I know everything. I know your blemishes and shortcomings better than you do—but I want you!” In general, with a shidduch, we look at the peripheral and superficial attributes of the person, because we don’t know their essence, so we look at these indicators. But the Ribbono shel Olam knows precisely who we are—and nevertheless desires us! Because when we truly love someone, all the surrounding things don’t matter. When there’s true love and connection—nothing can get in the way.
Don’t Be Ashamed and Don’t Be Troubled
The Ribbono shel Olam tells a Yid, “I chose you. לעולם.” לי וארשתיך But the person says in response, “But I transgressed here... I had challenges there... I have a difficult personality....” This Yid walks around during Sheva Brachos discouraged and lost in thought, doubtful whether the Ribbono shel Olam really needs him. “Tzaddik!” we tell him, “You have nothing to work about! The Ribbono shel Olam knows everything, and He chose you because He wants you!”
How great is the joy of a Yid when he hears this. In Lecha Dodi we say, תכלמי, ולא תבושי לא Don’t be ashamed or embarrassed, ומה תשתוחחי מה תהמי, Why do you sigh and why are you troubled? The Aibishter knows who you are, and He wants you. If so, let go of your hesitations and duress. Work together with the Ribbono shel Olam to build this great and eternal bond.
