And this will bring us now to our subject, the subject of a Jewish mother. For a long time already I wanted to speak here about how to be a successful Jewish mother. And who better to learn from than the mother of Dovid, the one whom Dovid credits for his success?
Now, before we begin it’s important to make one thing clear: you should not feel that this is a lecture only for women. Whatever will be said here, we’re talking to everyone. What you're going to hear tonight is important for fathers too because to a very big extent every father has to be a mother too; he has to participate in raising the children as servants of Hashem.
And our talk is for children too because we all have to be our own mothers. Even if our mothers did a good job on us, we have to continue the work; we take the ideas and digest them again and again even when we’re not in the home. But the best thing of all is when you still have a mother, when you’re still young and plastic; that’s the best time to be shaped with the right attitudes. And so we understand that whatever a child is going to become, the best results come when his mother walks in the footsteps of the mother of one of the greatest men in our history, Dovid Hamelech.
Channeling Prophecy
We think that when the spirit of Hashem came upon Dovid he took out his harp and he started strumming the strings and the words came out by themselves. All those words of ahavas Hashem and of seeing the Glory of Hashem in nature that we find in Tehillim, we think they came pouring out on their own. No, it doesn’t work that way. You must realize that a navi is first a man, a young man with noble ideas; and as his thoughts begin to develop, subsequently the inspiration, the prophecy, flows in according to the emotional and intellectual channels that he created.
Now, who created those channels? So you’ll say it was Dovid himself. Yes, to a great extent that’s true. What about Yishai, his father? Absolutely; him too. But we have to remember Dovid’s testimony. I was made into your servant because of my mother. How did Dovid become Dovid? Because he was raised by his mother.
Now, Dovid’s mother didn’t have a yeshiva. She didn’t have a shul. But she had a kitchen! And when little Dovid used to totter into the kitchen, she spoke to him and she inspired him. The kitchen! That was her yeshiva. She was the rosh yeshiva and Dovid was her star talmid.
Everything Brings Happiness
What did Dovid’s mother teach him? Well, we see the results on every page in the Tehillim. She taught him how to love Hakadosh Baruch Hu; she taught him to see the beauty and wisdom in Hashem’s creations, to see the happiness and kindness in the world. Whenever she had a chance she was teaching what Hakadosh Baruch Hu Himself said Hashem saw everything that He made, that it is very good (Bereishis 1:31). Dovid’s mother listened to that possuk—she spoke to herself about it—and she taught it to Dovid.
And it must be taught! Otherwise, because of habit people will overlook everything. So Dovid’s mother, when she woke him up in the morning, she didn’t wake him up like an Irish mother or an Italian mother. She woke him up to see Hashem. “Dovid’l look what Hashem gave us! A sun! We have light! And it’ll keep us warm all day today!”
From Morning till Night
And when she gave him to eat: “Dovid’l, isn't this world good? Don’t these grapes taste good? Hashem did that for you! And the milk you’re drinking? That’s a miracle creation of Hashem! The goat eats grass and turns it into milk for you.”
Also, “Look outside! Aren't these beautiful trees? Isn't it a beautiful white cloud that you see up there. That’s going to bring us the water we need.” All day long, as much as she could, she taught him to admire the trees and the grass and the wind and the bees. And then when the day was over and she was putting little Dovid to bed she pointed at the moon. “Isn't that a beautiful moon, Dovid?”
A Mother’s Child Forever
And what was the result? When he saw a moon for the next seventy years, he saw a beautiful moon. For seventy years Dovid’s heart sang within him when the wind was blowing through the trees. His heart sang with happiness when he saw the sunrise. And when he was in the fields shepherding his father’s sheep he sang about the wool growing on the back of the sheep that would become clothing and the grass the goats were eating and turning into milk.
And so when Dovid’s mother trained him how to look at the world and see the beauty in it, to admire the world that Hashem created, she was thereby creating channels of optimism and happiness in his mind. She was digging channels of emunah and bitachon and dveikus that filled Dovid’s life and were later expressed in the Tehillim. That’s why you have that beautiful song, borchi nafshi es Hashem. Of course it's min haShamayim—it's ruach hakodesh—but the channels were first dug when he was a little boy.
Tehillim Homework
And so, a wise parent who wants to build a home digs channels in a child’s mind and pours the foundation of the mind with happiness. A mother could instill happiness in the child when it rains: She says, ”Look Chana’le! Look at the beautiful rain that’s coming down. We’ll have water to drink! And all of our food will be growing now. The peaches and grapes we’ll eat in the summer are because of this rain. And you’ll be able to take a bath on erev Shabbos because of the rain. Isn't rain fun?”
Now, Chana has no sense but she says, “Yes, it's fun.” After all, her mother said so. And if her mother will be persistent then all of Chana’s life, rain is going to be happy times.
Don’t Ruin Rain
And why not? What a blessing rain is! These raindrops eventually turn into food for us. Apples are mostly water. All of our food is from water. Even the meat we eat is from water. The rain becomes grass for animals to eat. And the animals take the grass and make it into meat and we’ll eat the meat. So rain means that meat is coming down from the sky. Happy times!
But let’s say the mother looks out of the window and says, “Oh Chana’le, I wanted to go out but it's raining. Rain spoiled all our fun today”. So Chana’le, whenever she'll see a rain come down without even thinking, even if she forgot what her mother said, her instincts will hark back to that pattern that was first molded on her young plastic neshamah.
When a mother constantly repeats complaints against the weather in the morning—“It’s going to be nasty today”—and then three times in the afternoon and three more times in the evening, so all day long the child hears preachings against Hashem and therefore all his life, this is the foundation for his thoughts. That becomes his hashkafah, his outlook on the world.
And therefore whenever there will be a rainy day in his life, even if he'll be seventy years old, it's going to be an unhappy day because we think with the thoughts that are at the bottom foundation of our careers. And there will be so many rainy days in life. Isn't it a pity for a child to be molded in the wrong way?
Creating Minds
And therefore, teach your children the truth. You have to teach yourself the truth too but don’t forget to repeat it in the house always. And first they’ll hear it and they’ll just listen mechanically, but don’t think they’re not hearing it. They’re human beings and their minds are registering it. And someday, instead of being disappointed, they’re going to be happy with rainy days and sunny days and windy days and cloudy days. Every day is tov me’od.
Imagine what you’re doing to them! All their lives, they’ll have a certain feeling of optimism when they see raindrops. You planted a seed in their mind and that seed will take root and produce a beautiful tree with fruits of happiness.
And the more you plant, the better. Teach children to be happy with a piece of bread. Eat the bread and enjoy it. Chew the bread and thank Hashem. Ah, ah! We thank You, Hashem! You made such a good world! It’s so important to bring that happiness into the hearts of Jewish children.
Big Brother is Watching
Wise parents should exert effort on training a child to love a glass of plain water from the tap. Even an older sibling can do that. I had an older brother, alav hashalom, and I always remember him for teaching me this lesson. When I was a little boy and I went to the refrigerator to take some soda water he stopped me. “Wait!” he said, “First drink a glass of clean water. Then you can get the dirty water.” So I drank a glass of
