“Life Wisdom” Makes us Forget the Truth
Often, we’ll hear people look back on their lives and say: “I may not have parnassah... I may not have an important position... but at least I have good children.” This person is already 55 years old, and he’s looking retrospectively at all of his dreams that never materialized. “I’m not a total failure,” he consoles himself. “I may not have managed to attain what I dreamed, but let’s look at what I did achieve.” This person isn’t lying in bed, depressed; because “at least I accomplished something.”
This isn’t a terrible way to think—but this is the talk of חיים חכמת, a practical approach to life... a way of soothing himself—but it doesn’t embrace the plan of Hashem wholeheartedly. Do you really want Hashem to show you how even in the areas that you think you succeeded, even there you can do nothing without the Ribbono shel Olam?! Just admit that you can’t do anything alone, and appreciate the good that you have. Why should you need to be pushed into a corner before you can perceive the truth that you can’t do anything alone?
A Chinuch Issue
Imagine that a father receives a phone call from his son’s rebbi and he becomes very alarmed by it: “Your child needs help reading; he needs someone to tutor him in kriah,” the rebbe says. He then adds, “Actually, perhaps it would be better if you found a new yeshivah that would meet his needs better....”
The father argues, and he succeeds in keeping his son in the yeshivah...but when it comes to high school, he has trouble being accepted anywhere. They explain to the father that these yeshivos are simply not suited for this boy.... And the boy himself, as if on cue, manages to drive his parents insane throughout this process.
This father is completely broken: “Can you explain to me what they want from me?! The entire system is set up so that everyone needs to attend a yeshivah, and because my son is delayed, he deserves a life sentence?! I have spent so much money and energy... I have davened so much... I have tried everything... tell me; what more can I do?!”
Sometimes, this saga continues until the child finally marries. Now begins a whole new saga... which is even more complicated. The father is so pained; “What have I done to deserve this... I tried so hard,” he says.
The Right Way to Calmness
Now, there are multiple ways to deal with this situation. There are people who become completely broken and depressed. Then there are people who go into denial: “So what if he said... I’ve heard of worse things. I will call the school and force them to keep him.” Then there are people who take the situation extremely seriously, running from one therapist to the next professional.
There’s nothing really wrong with doing things to calm ourselves or doing proper hishtadlus. But one moment! Can you also take into account that the Ribbono shel Olam has clearly placed you in a situation where you have no way out? This is an act of great compassion so that you will take out a Tehillim and soothe yourself with emunah. Your calmness shouldn’t come from a place of distraction. Your serenity shouldn’t come because “you have a plan.” And your tranquility shouldn’t come because a friend told you, “I had such a child and he turned out just fine.... It’s just a few challenging years.”
All of these chizuk methods are fine. But if you don’t find your serenity only in them, the yissurim will, chas v’shalom, keep returning—because the Ribbono shel Olam is trying to teach you the truth; that you have no recourse but to trust in Him.
Splitting the Sea to Hear the Truth
The Sfas Emes (Pesach) explains that this was the reason for קריעת סוף ים. Because when the Yidden emerged from Mitzrayim, they hadn’t yet internalized the idea of complete and utter reliance on Hashem. The exodus from Mitzrayim was generated from Above, and not within their hearts.
For this reason, it was necessary, one week later, for the Egyptians to pursue them, and the challenges recurred with even greater ferocity. Now they clearly saw that there was no other way out, only the one of reliance on Hashem.
The Greatest Gift
The knowledge that we have no way out must permeate our hearts in the deepest way—because this is the most important mitzvah that we have come onto this world to fulfill. And for this reason, the Ribbono shel Olam makes sure to remind us of it.
Instead of becoming bitter and broken when these situations occur, we should understand that this is the greatest gift from Hashem! These yissurim are a great gift from Heaven to teach me to rely purely on the Ribbono shel Olam. But what will the end be? I don’t know. Will things get worse? I have no idea! I can’t manage... I have no way out? Ah, now I can begin to dance. If I see no way out, I can be joyful, because as long as I think that I have a way out on my own, I have not learned the truth.
If We Get the Message, We Rid Ourselves of Suffering
This also applies to matters of health. First, a person tries going to this doctor and that expert. But eventually, he comes to a place where he must place his trust in Hashem. The same is true regarding money and business. The Ribbono shel Olam will always place us in situations where we can’t manage on our own, because he wants us to learn אנכי אלוקיך! ה'
If the person accepts the message and the lesson, knowing that it comes from the greatest place of love, and even when he does need to do hishtadlus, he maintains his clarity that he can’t do anything alone, then he won’t need follow-up messages. The Ribbono shel Olam will remove the suffering sooner.
