Parts Of Davening That Sound Negative
Question: L'chavod HaRav HaGaon R' Mandel Shlita. There are no words to thank you for the whole Simchas HaChaim, positive outlook that you give over in your Vaadim. I have a question regarding Teshuva. We say in the Vidui of R' Nissim Gaon on Yom Kippur Katan a whole list of titles, which starts with: שֶׁאֵין בִּי לֹא תּוֹרָה וְלֹא חָכְמָה and continues on. It would seem these aren't such positive feelings to think about one's self. From what I understand from your M'halech, a person should mainly focus on the good he did do, and here in the Vidui it seems like we're putting everything down.
Answer: Oh no, please don't get involved in the Vidui of R' Nissim Gaon! I believe R' Kalman Krohn Zatzal, from the big Ovdei Hashem, said beware! Don't run after those parts. That was great for previous generations AND NOT FOR US. A Bracha for one person can be a K'lala for another.
Keep away from that! Say that Vidui quickly, and get out of the woods. Spent the whole day thanking Hashem that you're alive. You don't need most of the Vidui anyway, because you are a Tzadik.
You are not going to let that Vidui hurt you. Vidui was made to be M'saken people. If they are not up to it, forget the Vidui! Say it in two words "Hashem, I'm sorry for all my sins". That's enough. And speak to a Rav who has Sechel (not a Rav who's going to say "Hup, you have to stick to the laws!") A Rav with Sechel knows when to tell certain people that the Halacha does not apply in your case.
I'm not a Posek. But I have heard plenty stories of Rabbonim who understood who they're dealing with. There's a fifth Shulchan Aruch. You can kill a person with Halacha! "It's a Din, you have to fast". But what if he has diabetes? "But you have to fast!" Get an understanding Rav before you get involved in R' Nissim Gaon. You have a totally different agenda. You have to eat some cherries, some candies, some ice cream. That's your Rosh Hashanah. And then you'll get Schar.
Hashem understands you and your situation! Does He want you to spend Rosh Hashanah turning into a nervous break-down? No way! (A little nervous doesn't kill anybody. And for some people, even that's too much. I take Achrayus. Not to kill a kid. Not to hurt people. Don't be so serious).
Or go to a Chasidishe Olam. I once davened a Chasidishe place. I thought it was Shalosh Regalim! "Is it Sukkos or is it Rosh Hashanah?" You don't sound like Rosh Hashanah! You are so chilled. You laugh; you joke. Where's your fear?! For some people, that's your Rosh Hashanah! (Perhaps some of them are capable for more fear. Maybe they should improve themselves. Everybody's different).
But others need to "take it easy" (like R' Yaakov Kamenetzky Zatzal told me when I was a nervous Chosson. That's coming from a Gadol HaDor). So if you are one of those who suffers from this R' Nissim Gaon, just say a short version, and goodbye. Many people don't say that whole thing. Not everybody has the time and the Kochos to do every inch of what should be done. Why should you torture yourself? Maybe Hashem will have more nachas if you'll STOP torturing yourself?
This new year, do Teshuva! And learn to chill! You haven't chilled enough last year. This year, you are going to sit back and laugh! That's your Teshuva! Relax, and don't worry all day "What's going to be, what's going to be?!" Kol Tuv. And have a K'siva Va'chasima Tova