A Couple of Tests
Little Moishie Grossman was saddened by the fact that his Zadie was in the hospital. So he decided to write Zadie a "get well soon" card. Inside the card he wrote:
Dear Zadie,
Mommy tells me that you went to the hospital for some tests. I hope you get straight A's!
Love, Moishie
Deposit with a Whisper
One day a young man went up to the teller window at the bank and whispered, "Please deposit this hundred dollars in my savings account."
The teller handled the transaction and whispered back, "Have a good day."
He started to leave but changed his mind.
"I'm sorry we have to whisper," he said, "but if my car knows I've deposited money, it'll break down again."
With his finger to his lips he tiptoed out.
Short ones
- I’d like to start with the chimney jokes – I’ve got a stack of them. The first one is on the house.
- I used to be addicted to swimming but I’m very proud to say I’ve been dry for six years.
- I was raised as an only child, which really annoyed my sister.
- I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting!
- I’m sure wherever my Dad is: he’s looking down on us. He’s not dead, just very condescending.
- I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
- My sister had a baby and they took a while to name her and I was like, ‘Hurry up!’ because I didn’t want my niece to grow up to be one of these people you hear about on the news where it says, ‘The 37-year-old defendant, who hasn’t been named.'
- Hey, if anyone knows how to fix some broken hinges, my door’s always open.
- I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it.
- A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the GWB. Drivers are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals.
Daily Planet Budget Constraints
Clark Kent and Lois Lane were the star reporters for the Daily Planet newspaper. Due to budget constraints, the Board of the Daily Planet advised Perry White, the Chief Editor, that he had to let one of his star reporters go. He was really overwhelmed about the magnitude of the decision.
"Who should go, Clark Kent or Lois Lane?" He actually did some praying, which he hadn't done for a long time. He asked, "Please, show me a sign."
That afternoon he was doing some shopping at Walmart, and when he went to his car he suddenly saw the answer.
The next day he called Clark and Lois into the office and said, "I'm sorry, Lois, but you have to go."
After Lois collected her things and left, Clark took Perry aside and asked, "Chief, how did you know which one of us should go?"
Perry said, "Well, that turned out to be easier than I thought. While I was parking at Walmart, I looked up and there was the sign: FIRE LANE."