In religious circles the chosson gives the kallah a ring under the chuppah in order to acquire her as his wife and she doesn’t give anything back. However, in some less religious circles, they have adopted the haskofah of the non-Jew’s, and they believe that marriage is all about equality, and that both husband and wife have equal rights. To highlight this, they like to keep everything equal under the chuppah, and they believe that if the chosson gives a kallah a ring, to keep things equal she should be giving one back. This is known as a “double-ring wedding ceremony”.
Below I would like to discuss the potential issues of what could be wrong with such a thing, and if halachah lema’aseh such a thing does take place, is the kiddushin valid?
R' Moshe Feinstein’s First Teshuvah
Being that this shailah is quite common in America, it is not surprising that R’ Moshe Feinstein has no less than three Teshuvos about this topic. In the first Teshuvah written in 5729 (Even HaEzer, 3:18), R’ Moshe ruled that such a ceremony is certainly valid bedieved, however, lechatchilah it is prohibited for several reasons:
- If this is a non-Jewish practice, it is certainly forbidden under the Torah prohibition against adopting non-Jewish customs.
- Even if it is not a non-Jewish practice, it is still forbidden, because it could engender a misconception about the nature of the marriage ceremony (kiddushin). It could cause people to believe that a woman can affect kiddushin by giving a man a ring, and that a woman who did so is married, when she actually isn’t.
- Fundamentally, there is a “great prohibition” to exchange rings, because it will cause many people to forget the halachah of kiddushin, and causing the forgetting of halachah is prohibited even where it will not cause practical harm.
R’ Moshe Feinstein’s Second Teshuvah
In a subsequent Teshuvah dated 5740 (Even HaEzer 4:13), R’ Moshe suggests that such marriages may not even be valid bedieved, because it is not clear that the parties are intending to execute a proper halachic kiddushin, which must be performed by the man. He concludes that “this is a matter of great doubt to me, for which I have not yet found a proof.”
R’ Moshe Feinstein’s Third Teshuvah
Yavo hakasuv hashlishi veyachria beineihem: In yet a third Teshuvah dated 5741 (Even HaEzer 4:32, ois 2), R’ Moshe clarified that there is no contradiction between his two earlier Teshuvos. In the first one, he was discussing a wedding at which a legitimate (kosher) rabbi officiated, and in that case, the chosson’s giving of the ring constitutes a valid kiddushin. The fact that the rabbi subsequently permitted the kallah to perform “a mere nonsensical act” does not
I recently heard of a case where the kallah felt that if she walks around the chosson seven times, he should be doing the same to her, and be walking around her seven times, and the kallah insisted that this took place at the chuppah. I wonder if she also told her chosson to wear a veil??
