In Parshas Ki Seitzei we have the mitzvah of shonah rishonah. The pasuk writes:נקי יהיה לביתו שנה אחת ושמח את אשתו – “He shall be free to go home and make his wife happy (v'seemach es ishto) for one year” (Devorim 24:5).
Rashi comments on the words "v'seemach es ishto" by citing the Aramaic Targum: "v'yachdee yas itsei". Rashi explains that anyone who translates the pasuk to mean “v'yachdee IM itsei” is making a mistake. The two versions of Aramaic translation quoted by Rashi hinge around the interpretation of the Hebrew word “es”. “V'seemach ES ishto” could mean “You should MAKE your wife happy” or it could mean “You should be happy WITH your wife.” Rashi says the former translation is correct and the latter translation is erroneous. Rashi supports his position by stating that the meaning of the 'piel' grammatical form of the word v'seemach is to make someone else happy. Had the meaning been “you should rejoice WITH your wife,” the expression would have appeared as “v'sAmach es” not “v'sEEmach es”.
However, the Targum Yonasan ben Uziel quotes the very translation that Rashi rejects as erroneous. Yonasan ben Uziel was a Tanna! How can Rashi imply that a Tanna does not know how to properly translate a pasuk in Chumash?
The Shemen HaTov offers a beautiful interpretation to resolve this difficulty. Certainly, the meaning of the pasuk is -- as Rashi says -- that the husband must try to make his wife happy. But if one's intent in marriage is to make the other partner happy then they will ultimately find happiness together. A marriage only works when each party is trying to make the other one happy. When each person tries to make the other one happy, they will wind up both being happy. On the other hand, if one approaches marriage from the perspective “What is in it for me?” then no one will be happy.
This interpretation of the Shemen HaTov could shed light on the universally expressed blessing when a child is born that the parent’s merit to bring the child to Torah, to the chuppah, and to ma'asim tovim [good deeds].
The sequence of this blessing is often questioned. Why do ma'asim tovim appear last in the list? It sounds from this wish like good deeds only begin after one is married. Is that the case?
I once heard the following explanation: When one is single and he goes shopping for breakfast, he walks down the cereal aisle to make his selection. He thinks to himself, “What kind of cereal do I like? Cheerios. What about Rice Crispies? I can't stand Rice Crispies.” He buys himself a box of Cheerios every single week.
Then he gets married and goes shopping for the family. The first week he brings home Cheerios. His wife tells him “I hate Cheerios. I like Rice Crispies.” If he can afford it, then fine, he buys two boxes -- one of Cheerios and one of Rice Crispies and everyone is happy. But what if he cannot afford it? He will have to make a choice. He goes to the store and looks at the cereal aisle and asks himself “What should I buy? Should I buy Cheerios or should I buy Rice Crispies?”
The pasuk in this week's parsha cries out to him: V'Seemach es Ishto. “I am going to buy Rice Crispies!” After marriage, even the act of buying cereal -- which until the time one gets married was just a mundane shopping chore -- now becomes an act of chessed. The mundane act of shopping is turned into a ma'aseh mitzvah (an action with religious nuance). Therefore, we understand: First Torah; then chuppah; and after that even buying cereal will fall into the category of ma'asim tovim. (R’ Frand)
