You can understand that she was devastated to see her siddur flying into the men’s section, but as there was still more to the davening, she headed to the sefarim shank to get another one and waited for the end to go retrieve her siddur back.
The Finder Seemed Very Emotional
After davening, she went downstairs to reclaim her siddur. When she located the person who’d found it after it dropped, she noticed that the finder seemed very emotional. She expressed her remorse for bringing her child, who had shoved the siddur down and caused it to fall to the men’s section.
But the man consoled her and told her that he wasn’t bothered by that. “I am from Tzefas,” he began, “and recently I became a ba’al teshuva. Tonight was my very first-time attending shul. Understandably, I had mixed emotions. On the one hand, I was overjoyed to speak with Hashem, and this was my very first time doing so in a public setting. On the other hand, I was concerned attending a new crowd. I’ve never met these people, and I was worried as to how they would take to me.
“The last several months, I’ve been avoiding shul out of embarrassment, but now, with the Pesach motivation, a time of renewal brought me to shul. “When I came to shul, I was faced with my first dilemma. I’d come late and couldn’t find a siddur. Sitting through Maariv without a siddur wasn’t something I was looking forward to on my first time in shul. No one likes to be without a siddur, and it’s especially embarrassing for a newcomer.
Asking Hashem to Show That He Cares About His Davening
“Ashamed, I snuck to the back, quietly hoping no one would notice me. I told Hashem, ‘If You really desire my davening, please show me outright that my davening is worthwhile. Show me that You want it.’
“As I was sitting down siddur-less, I heard a loud bang. In front of my nose, a magnificent leatherbound siddur landed on the table. It was custom orchestrated by Hashem, showing me how my davening is wanted and treasured. I perceived Hashem’s lesson, and it’s left a deep impact on me and my attitude toward davening and avodas Hashem. This direct message of appreciation has left me gratefully in debt to Hashem and His mitzvos.
“Therefore, now that you know what that siddur’s done for me, you can understand why there is nothing to apologize for. You were the one chosen to awaken this awareness and bring forth this connection between me and Hashem.”
(R’ Yehoshua Nissan, on Stories to Inspire hotline)
Reprinted from Parshas Nasso 5784 email of Zichru Toras Moshe.
