The middle of Parshas Nitzavim contains the pasuk “The hidden things are for Hashem, our G-d, but the revealed things are for us and for our children forever, to carry out all the words of this Torah.” [Devorim 29:28] While this is not the simple interpretation of the pasuk, I saw an observation in the sefer Milchemes Yehudah as follows: “HaNistaros (the hidden things) L’Hashem Elokeinu” means that which a person does in private is between him and the Ribono shel Olam. “V’Haniglos (that which is revealed)” – but that which one does in front of his children – that is “Lanu u’levaneinu ad olam” — something which makes an impression on our children forever and ever.
No one sees that which goes on in a person’s heart or in his private activities. That is between him and the Almighty. He will ultimately have to face his Maker on that score. But “haNiglos” – not only the “public person,” but even the person’s actions in the confines of his own home – how he talks, how he acts, how he reacts – these personality traits leave a profound and indelible effect on his children, and ultimately on their children, for all future generations!
We are constantly “on stage.” This is especially true when we have young children or young grandchildren, but it applies even with our older children. Our actions, for better or for worse, are modeling behavior that will be understood as acceptable and even normal “for us, and for our children, forever.”
The truth is that this idea is perhaps contained in the famous Gemara [Chagiga 3a] which discusses the mitzvah of Hakhel (in Parshas Vayelech). The pasuk says “Gather together the people – the men, the women, the small children, and your stranger who is in your cities – so that they will hear and so that they will learn, and they shall fear Hashem, your G-d, and be careful to perform all the words of this Torah” [Devorim 31:12]
Everybody in the nation had to come to the Beis HaMikdash in Yerushalayim for the once-in-seven-year, Hakhel event. The Gemara asks: We understand that the men come to learn, and the women come to listen, however why do they need to bring the children? Rav Elazar ben Azaria answers “In order that those who bring them receive reward.”
This is a troubling exposition. Is there no point in bringing the children other than the reward the parents receive for bringing them? The correct understanding of Rav Elazar ben Azaria’s statement is not that the parents get reward merely for following G-d’s command, no different than they would be rewarded if the command was to schlep a bag of potatoes to Yerushalayim and they did that. Rather, he means to say that when parents expose their children to such a powerful spiritual environment, this is something they will reap reward for in the future. The children will see what is important to their parents. They will see that their father and mother are inspired and uplifted by the ruchniyus (spirituality) that was characteristic of Yerushalayim and the Bais HaMikdash. They will learn to be inspired by such environments as well. This is the reward that the parents reap by bringing their children to Hakhel.
The Mechilta ends off, “Happy are you, our Patriarch Avraham, that Elazar ben Azaria came from your loins.” What does Elazar ben Azaria have to do with Avraham Avinu? Why does having such a descendant make Avraham so happy?
The Torah says why the Almighty chose Avraham Avinu: “For I have cherished him, because he commands his children and his household after him that they keep the way of Hashem, doing charity and justice...” [Bereishis 18:19] The Ribono shel Olam gave Avraham a mandate: I have chosen you so that you should pass on My Ways to your children after you and to their children after them. This is exactly the lesson Rav Elazar ben Azaria was stressing in teaching his lesson of “To bring reward to those who bring them.”
Rav Nosson Adler makes an interesting observation. Let’s be honest: Will the parents have a more uplifting and spiritual experience hearing words of Torah and being in Yerushalayim and the Bais HaMikdash environment by themselves or with their children who are always saying they are hungry and asking when it’s time to go home? Certainly, the father and mother will have a more elevated experience if the children are not there nagging them! Then why bring them? The answer is a basic principle in Judaism: You give up some of your own ruchniyus (spirituality) for the benefit of somebody else. This is part of the mitzvah of cheese.
Part of the mitzvah of chessed is “I am going to get less out of this, but I am going to have an effect on someone else.” Avraham Avinu was in the business of chessed. He had a restaurant. Couldn’t Avraham have achieved a higher degree of spiritual accomplishment on his own, were he not distracted by having to serve meals to every Arab and idolater that came through? Yes! But he sacrificed his personal ruchniyus for the benefit of others.
This is exactly the implication of Rav Elazar ben Azaria’s teaching. I am going to schlep my kids to Hakhel and let them drive me crazy on the trip, and I am not going to get as much out of the experience. But that is worth it, because “haNiglos lanu u’levaneinu ad olam.” Therefore, that which my children see me doing will impact them and their descendants forever. Therefore, happy are you Avraham Avinu that Elazar ben Azaria comes from your loins.
