Elul is the best time to work on your Middos. For example, a person gets married in order to raise a family, which is a big Mitzva. But Middos are an overriding importance in your life, and your spouse is invaluable for this. Don’t forget! You came to this world mainly to work on your Middos.
You may need to work on Anava, and a bossy spouse is perfect for this. I knew a big Tzaddik who prided himself in his ability to be pushed around and obey all his wife’s oncoming orders. She pushed him around, and he acted (L'havdil) like a puppy dog and like a rag! However, when it came to his learning & Avodas Hashem, he could be tough as nails... and in his polite way, he did what he wanted.
So many precious Middos: The true Ga'ava and the true Anava. Soft types who are serious about their Middos, realize that they need to toughen up and practice being a man, and not a piece of butter. You need a Rebbe to guide you. Otherwise, you may decide that you are a nebach, when in truth YOU are the troublemaker.
The Chochom says: “When my spouse (or other close relative, or friend) yells at me about things that I really didn’t do, I don’t mind in the least. It all goes over my head, and I never argue back or defend myself (which is the most ridiculous waste of time and energy). And sometimes the other party may even be right; in which case I’ll try to improve myself if possible.
Some people get panicky when they hear lies, especially about themselves. “But it’s not true! How can you say that??” “Smart people who don’t really care, live longer and happier. If you’re really into truthfulness, then remember THIS truth: Any form of Yissurim (like getting yelled at) in this world, saves you from Gehinom, which is much worse than the entire Nazi Holocaust.
During Elul, even the biggest Tzaddikim would disappear to be alone with Hashem. R' Elchonon Wassermann Zatzal would visit the Chofetz Chaim during Elul, and later he would visit the famous Mussar Yeshiva, Kelm. Many of these Mussarniks would cry whenever they davened Shmoneh Esrei, and this was all year round! Imagine Elul! During Elul, they would be extra careful with Shmiras HaChushim (watching their “senses”, i.e., mouths, ears, and eyes. (Seforim). This was from the [unwanted] sights of pre-war eastern Europe, where the streets were a “dream” compared the American streets of today. However, in a sense, our Dor can be considered greater, since we try despite being in a mud-hole of Goyish’keit and materialism.
Imaging the high Madrega of a person in our lowly generation who makes a slight attempt to copy our glorious past! And if he can’t do a decent Shmiras HaChushim, then he davens before learning Mussar, begging Hashem that the Mussar should sink into his Neshama, and turn his: ןֶבֶא בֵל cold heart into a: רָשָׂבּ בֵל feeling heart.
Elul is the time to work on Bitachon and Simcha. L'Dovid Hashem Ori, which is said every day during Elul, really calms you down with Bitachon. But first, we need to realize the gravity of our Matzav during Elul. Then, our Bitachon is real; that despite our great fear of Yom HaDin, we still have Bitachon that with Hashem’s help we will have a Shana Tova.
