It states (16:22) ולא תקים לך מצבה אשר שנא ה' אלקיך, "You shall not set up for yourself a monument, which Hashem, your G-d hates."
The Ishbitzer zt'l (Mei HaShiloach, Shoftim) explains that the pasuk refers to a lesson in ben adam l'chaveiro. One mustn't be a matzeivah (מצבה), firm and stuck in his decisions. He must bend and allow other people to have their way. The pasuk teaches us to be mevater.
The Ishbitzer writes, שלא יהיה אדם בעקשות נגד חבירו שלא יאמר לו שיקבל דעתו אף שידמה שהצדק עמו, "A person shouldn't be stubborn against his friend, he shouldn't say 'accept my view,' even when he thinks that he is in the right."
There is a yetzer hara of netzach, winning. Reb Dovid'l Tolna zt'l said that netzach sheb'netzach means that one should win over the temptation to be the natzchan, winner. For the sake of peace, allow others to win and have their way.
The Rambam writes in a letter to his son, אני לא מנצח לעצמי כי כבוד נפשי ומעלת מדותי אצלי יותר כבוד מלנצח כסילים בלשוני בדבורי, "I don't win, because the honor of my soul, and the betterment of my midos are more precious to me than to have my words win over fools."
Actually, the one who is mevater is the one who wins. Life is better for people when they know how to be mevater.
A Rosh Yeshiva said to Reb Shlomo Zalman Aurbach zt'l, "I envy you. You have a tranquil life, as though you live in Gan Eden. But I have many enemies and oppositions. I feel like my life is a Gehinom."
This Rosh Yeshiva left, and Reb Shlomo Zalman told his family, "He creates the Gehinom for himself because he doesn't know how to be mevater. When I was young, I trained myself that if someone wants to push me, I push myself even further back until he can't push me anymore." With vitur, the one who was mevater gains the most because he saves himself from much heartache.
Some Satmar chasidim were planning a Shabbos Hisachdus, a Shabbos together with their Rebbe, and they planned this Shabbos weeks in advance. But on Shabbos morning, the Rebbetzin wasn't feeling well, and she asked the Rebbe to eat the meal with her and not make a tish with the chasidim, and he granted her wishes.
After Shabbos, the gabbai Reb Yoel Ashkenazi said to the Satmar Rebbe, "Why does she always win?"
The Rebbe replied, "We have a kabbalah that for shalom bayis, the one who is mevater is the one who wins."
Another time, the Satmar Rebbe wasn't feeling well on Friday, and they called a doctor. The doctor advised the Rebbe not to lead a tish that Friday night. The Rebbetzin was present, and she said, "Of course not. There won't be a tish Friday night." She was loyal to her husband, protecting his health, but after the doctor left, the Rebbe told the Rebbetzin, "There will be a tish tonight."
That night, the Satmar Rebbe prepared to go to the tish. The Rebbetzin asked, "Where are you going?"
"I told you that there will be a tish tonight."
She said, "But I lit lecht in the house." The Rebbe would only say kiddush near the lecht that his wife lit, so in this manner, the Rebbetzin succeeded in keeping the Rebbe that night.
The Rebbe replied, "Baruch Hashem, I won (איך האב אויסגעפירט)."
He explained, "I won because I didn't become angry, not even for a moment."