One man spread a rumor about another. He later felt regret, and went to the rabbi to ask how to make amends. "Go to the store and buy a bag of seeds," said the rabbi, "then go to a big open field and scatter the seeds into the wind. Do so and report back to me in a week."
The man did as he was told, and came back the next week to find out what to do next. "Now," said the rabbi, "go back to the field and pick up all the seeds."
"But," protested the man, "those seeds have scattered far and wide! I’ll never find them all. Many have even already taken root!"
"Exactly," explained the rabbi. "Now you understand. When we speak badly about another person, the effect is far and wide. And it is damage that can never be fully undone."
One of the most difficult sections of the Torah to understand is this week's parsha which discusses Tzarat, a skin disease commonly mis-translated as "leprosy."
In truth, Tzarat is a physical manifestation of a spiritual deficiency. The Talmud (Arachin 16) says that Tzarat comes specifically as a consequence of "Loshon Hara" ― negative speech about another person. For example, we see that when Moshe’s sister Miriam spoke Loshon Hara, she contracted Tzarat (Bamidbar, chapter 12).
What is the connection between speaking badly ― gossiping about another ― and contracting this skin disease?
To Build or To Destroy
Speech is the tool of creation. Through it we can build individuals and the world. We can praise, encourage, and give others confidence. By making others feel important, we build them up, as if to say, "Your existence is necessary." This is life-giving and life-affirming.
One of the great American rabbis of the past generation, Rabbi Shlomo Freifeld zt"l, was known to have brought a neighbor back to Torah observance simply by caring enough to say "good morning."
On the other hand, speech can also be used to destroy. Words like "you’re worthless" wipes out a person’s self-esteem. As King Solomon says, "Life and death are in the hands of the tongue" (Proverbs 18:21). The Talmud (Arachin 15b) explains that negative speech is even worse than a sword ― since it kills many people, even at great distance.
Remember the expression "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me"? This was clearly not said by a Jew!
Beyond the individual destruction, we have all seen the power of gossip ― a vicious rumor ― to tear apart relationships, families, and even entire communities.
Of course, just as the Torah prohibits speaking Loshon Hara, we are prohibited from even listening to it. (Which makes sense ― if I can’t listen, then you can’t speak it!) By listening to negative talk we fuel the viciousness and become desensitized to its effect on others.
From here we can understand a section of this week’s parsha, Vayikra 13:45-46. The Torah says that when someone has been diagnosed as having Tzarat, they must go outside the boundaries of the city and shout "Contaminated!" to anyone who approaches. The punishment is measure-for-measure: If you promote divisiveness amongst others, then you will also suffer the divisiveness of separation from community.
Limits of Loshon Hara
Many people make the mistake of thinking that the Torah prohibition of negative speech is limited only to saying falsity and untruth. But this is not so. Lying falls under a separate prohibition, expressed in Exodus 20:13, 23:7.
Loshon Hara, meanwhile, is the prohibition against saying anything negative or derogatory about another person ― even when it’s true!
Often, Loshon Hara will couch itself in a cloak of rationalizations. It doesn’t even matter whether the words are spoken implicitly or implied. If the message can be construed negatively, then it is a violation of Loshon Hara.
Be aware of potential Loshon Hara situations and stop them before they start. For instance, reunions are particularly rife with gossip: "Oh, did you hear about so-and-so..."
The Talmud says that the human body was constructed to help a person refrain from Loshon Hara. The teeth and lips serve as "gates" to regulate what emerges from our mouth, while the tongue lies in a horizontal resting position. Furthermore, while humans have two eyes, two ears and two nostrils ― we have only one mouth as a reminder to minimize chatter. And, says the Talmud, for what purpose did G-d create ear lobes? So that if we find ourselves in a situation where Loshon Hara is being spoken, we can conveniently turn the lobes upwards as ear plugs!
Here are some commonly-spoken forms of Loshon Hara to watch out for:
- "But it’s true!"
- "But I didn’t even mention his name!"
- "I wouldn’t care if someone said the same thing about me."
- "Everyone knows about it already, anyway."
- "He wouldn’t mind."
- "I’d say it even to his face."
- "Just kidding!"
- "There he goes again... "
- (Saying nothing...but rolling your eyes!)
- "People from that city are so..."
- "It’s all in the name of business competition!"
- "This may be Loshon Hara, but..."
- "C’mon, you can tell me..."
- All these qualify as Loshon Hara.
