There is an important lesson to be learned from the fact that Parshas Tazria, which deals with the disease of tzara'as, immediately follows Parshas Shemini, which discusses the laws of kashrus. Rav Yisroel Salanter explains that just as a person has to be careful with what he puts into his mouth, so must he be careful about what comes out of his mouth. Judaism places a tremendous emphasis on forbidden speech. We all know that eating non-kosher food causes timtum halev, which means it hampers your spiritual ability to serve Hashem. What we must realize is that forbidden speech has the same effect; besides for the sin of speaking forbidden words, the sinner also ruins his capacity for spirituality.
The Vilna Gaon had plans to emigrate to Eretz Yisroel but it didn’t happen. There is a famous letter that he wrote called the igeres hagra, a farewell letter he writes to his family about what he expects from them. In this letter, the Gaon warns his family about the importance of proper speech. The topic of proper speech was of paramount importance to him, above all the other mitzvos. That's because proper speech is the most important factor to merit olam haba. The mouth of a person is considered kodesh kadoshim, the holy of holies. When a person speaks forbidden words, he is not merely talking. Rather, he is defiling his holy of holies, ruining his capacity to speak words of prayer or Torah learning. And that’s why there's such a tremendous emphasis placed on watching the words we speak.
Wherever a person goes, he’s followed by angels that record everything he says. The Ohr Hachaim in Parshas Pinchas says that the family of Reuven is called mishpachas hareuvaini, the family of Chanoch is called mishpachas hachanochi, and so on. However, by Lfuva, the family is called mishpachas hapuni. Where does the nun come in? He says that the word l’fuva means the piv, the mouth of a person, which has the law of a kli sharos, a holy vessel. Just like a kli sharos is sanctified for usage in the Bais Hamikdash and has levels of holiness, so too the mouth of a person. It is considered a holy vessel and must be properly clean from impurities. "L’puva" - in order for a mouth of a person to merit being a holy vessel, then "mishpachas hapuni" – from the word "lifnos"- you have to clean it out. Only a clean mouth can merit serving Hashem.
The gemora in Eruchin 16 tells us that tzara'as comes because of seven possible sins, the most common one being lashon hara. In the past few decades, thanks to the tireless efforts of the Chofetz Chaim, there is a growing awareness of the bad effects of lashon hara. Books and programs were initiated to fight this terrible sin. Yet, we must know that the real cause of this sin is not the mouth. Yes, the words come out of the mouth, but the root of the sin lies in the eyes and heart. The eyes see the faults of other people and the heart is annoyed by their shortcomings. That creates the negative feeling which is expressed by the mouth. Therefore, we can't just tell people to "stop speaking lashon hara". The only way to do it is to cut out the roots of this sin, to train ourselves to have an ayin tova, a good eye, and a lev tov, a good heart.
If a person really cares about other people, it shouldn't be too difficult to see the good in them as the pasuk in mishlei says "al kol peshaim tichasa ahava" – love covers up all sins. When one truly loves another, then he’s able to overlook that person’s shortcomings. Ahava covers it up. It is very natural that a parent will defend his child from critics. After all, a parent loves his child boundlessly and will seek to cover up his flaws. This is the kind of outlook we should seek to have about all our fellow Jews. Look for their attributes, focus on their positive points, and then we will only think and feel lovingly about them.
When we speak about shmiras halashon, guarding one's tongue is not limited to lashon hara. A big part of forbidden speech is ona'as devarim, which the Chinuch explains as any words that cause a person shame or pain.
Chana was a young child who saved up her snack money in order to buy her mother a gift. When at last she was able to, Chana excitedly purchased a gift and wrapped it up. She left it on the kitchen table and waited with immense anticipation, eagerly awaiting her mother's reaction. A few minutes later the mother noticed the gift. "Where did this come from, Chana?" she asked. And the young girl replied, "I bought you a present, you are going to love it!" The mother unwraps the gift and sees that it’s a toy. "Chana, why did you waste your money on this?" yells the mother. "Who needs this, it’s junk!" Rav Pam pointed out that you can imagine how devastated Chana must have felt by how her mother reacted. She had worked so hard, saving bit by bit, because she wanted to make her mother happy. If only her mother would have reacted positively! The toy was indeed a waste of money and indeed a bad choice as a gift for her mother. However, Chana's mother should have realized her daughter's good intentions. She should have seen past the facts, understood that the feelings behind it were so pure and loving, and thereby react with love and joy.
My father shlita once said to mechanchim regarding marking report cards that we must be more conscious to give credit to the children who are not so smart but do the best that they can. These children cannot excel academically, but they should get credit for what they are able to accomplish. When it turns out that a child failed, if he put in the proper effort, he should get rewarded for that. If a student was only able to reach a 75, that might be more precious than a student who is brilliant and got a 100. For that child, it came easy. The other child worked much harder, but saw no results. He should get rewarded for that. Sometimes a child doesn’t get good marks but he excels in midos and interpersonal relations. He should get rewarded for that. Like that girl Chana - she had good intentions and put in so much effort - and she should get rewarded for it.
We always have to look for the good side of people. The pasuk in mishlei says 18:21 "hachaim v’hamoves b’yad halashon" – death and life are in the power of the tongue. The tongue can cause death. You can say something to someone which makes him so miserable that he would wish to be dead. Rav Shmuel Kaminetzky has a driver who once got into an accident. By krias hatorah, Rav Shmuel received an aliya but didn't bentch gomel. After davening, he got together a minyan of people and bentched gomel privately. When asked why, he explained that the driver was by davening and would be so hurt that he caused such a serious accident that warranted bentching gomel. R' Shmuel wanted to spare him this pain.
Yes, we should all strive to spare our fellow brothers the pain of shame or embarrassment from forbidden speech. The only way to do this is by seeking their good, to train our eyes and hearts to only see their attributes and feel positively about them. This way, our words will convey the boundless love of ahavas yisroel that will hasten our redemption.
