אַׁבְנֵׂי מִלוּאִים Avnei Milu'im means stones which “filled” their setting. Of course, a stone has to fill its setting. What’s the Chiddush of: אַׁבְנֵׂי מִלוּאִים Avnei Milu'im? Every stone is a different color, and each color had a definite purpose in curing the weakness that was: מְ יוּחָּ ד specific for that Shevet. We can say (at least: בְ דֶ רֶ ךְ רֶ מֶ ז as a Remez) that to be successful, a person has to be fully loaded with the unique prescription for his special Avodas Hashem.
You are a full person when you load yourself and fill yourself only with what’s good for you! That’s when you fulfill your Tachlis in this world. When you are always focusing on all kinds of Avoda’s albeit the greatness of the biggest Tzaddikim, you can be guilty of a subtle form of suicide, Rachmana Litzlan. You are not being yourself!
Your envy and your fake Ratzon to be what Hashem didn’t create you to be, makes you empty of your Tachlis, Chas V’shalom, and this is a Churban of a person. You need to study day...
