Don’t just contemplate your words before you speak them. Consider their consequences.
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“And Rivka said to Yitzchak, “I am revolted for my life because of the daughters of Cheis...” (Beraishis 27:46)
Throughout the stories of our Avos and Imahos, we find snippets of their conversations which give us insight into their personalities and relationships. One thing which is noticeably different is that though we find Sarah, Rachel, and Leah speaking up to their husbands, we don’t find it happening with Rivka.
When she had a challenging pregnancy, she went to the Yeshiva of Shem and Ever, not to Yitzchak. When Eisav was acting as if he were pious, Rivka didn’t speak up to dispel Yitzchak of this notion. In fact, the entire ruse of the food she prepared, along with the goat skins on Yaakov’s arms and neck to make it seem like he was Eisav to his father without eyesight, was necessary because Rivka could not speak freely to Yitzchak.
The Netziv, in Haamek Davar, at the end of last week’s Parsha, discusses that when Rivka saw Yitzchak for the first time, she was struck with fright and awe. She realized how holy he was, and felt unworthy of being his wife. This fear stayed with her always, which is why she never spoke against Eisav’s behavior.
He explains that this was the case so the giving of the blessings would be done in this deceptive fashion, and it was Hashem’s Divine Providence which guided all of this. This being the case, it is why we never find Rivka speaking to Yitzchak in the pesukim. But something has changed now.
Now, she speaks up and tells Yitzchak that she cannot live if Yaakov were to take a wife from the local girls. “If he were to marry one like their others daughters-in-law, who worshiped idols in their home, what was the point of living?” From where did she get the strength and temerity to speak to her husband like she hadn’t in over eight decades?
The answer is strikingly simple. Hashem had instilled in her a reverence for her husband so Yaakov would have to use cunning to obtain the brachos. Now that this occurred, there was no longer a need for that fear! Now that the hesitation to speak to her husband had dissipated, she was able to articulate her desire for Yaakov to go to her homeland to find a bride.
You may ask, why, if she was no longer afraid, did she not tell Yitzchak that Eisav was a charlatan, pretending to be pious when he wasn’t? The answer is because there was no practical need to do so. The blessings had been given, and she could have Yitzchak agree to send Yaakov away (and out of reach of his brother’s malicious intent) without resorting to saying anything negative about Eisav.
Though Lashon Hara doesn’t apply to a wicked person, speaking negatively is still a lowly behavior, and though she’d had it bottled up inside for many decades, she was still our righteous Mother, who was careful with her words and didn’t let her emotions control her.
A well-respected teacher and acknowledged Chasid-Hashem was walking with his disciples when they passed the carcass of a dead dog. Overcome by the stench of the animal, and perhaps noticing the similar reactions of his friends, one student blurted out, “How smelly this rotten carcass is!”
The Master maintained his composure and did what he always did: seek out the best and never say anything demeaning. “That may be true,” he responded. “But look how white the dog’s teeth are.”
Source: Chovos HaLevavos of Rabbeinu Bachya
©2024 – J. Gewirtz
