As parents, one of our greatest desires is to see our children continue in our ways and embrace the values that we raise them with. We invest in their education and try to set an example. We deeply treasure the beauty of our Torah way-of-life and our deepest wish is to be able to pass that on.
These wishes and dreams do not always materialise and we see what we describe as children going “off the Derech” (perhaps more appropriately children who are on their Derech).
Ultimately, we don’t know why a child goes “off the Derech”. There can be many reasons, many of which are beyond our control and we can’t blame ourselves. It happens to the best families and cuts across all communities. Like everything in our lives, everything is directed by Hashgocha Protis and is in Hashem’s control. Hashem has His plans for each one of us.
We can only do our best to educate them and guide them for as long as we can, in the best way possible. As they grow up and become independent, our influence lessens as they start to make their own choices in life. We cannot control the choices they make as young adults and we have to let them grow on their personal life journey. All we can do is love them; Love them for who they are. Love them because they are your child. Love them because they are a precious Neshama.
Yitzchak and Rivka had two sons. For thirteen years they were provided with the very best Chinuch, with Avraham himself as their Rebbi. Their parents were super role-models, beacons of spirituality. But even in this home of purity, from the age of 13 Eisav gravitated away and by the age of 15 he was openly rebelling against the values of his upbringing. Yitzchak knew who Eisav was and what he was up to. Yet the Torah tells us that Yitzchak loved Eisav. The Midrash asks how Yitzchak could love such a wayward child?
The Midrash explains that this illustrates the Torah’s paradigm of ימין מקרבת, that we should always draw close with the right hand. If Eisav went so far away with his father’s love, imagine how much further away he would have gone without it.
